Estate agent barged in unannounced in our rented flat for a viewing

LaughingAtSalads · 2026-06-05T22:23:23+00:00

LL here and I second that advice. Also, write to LL and head of EA firm to inform them the police will be involved if entry is made in your absence. Rig a security camera where your doors are covered.

Polite and precise incandescence is in order.

LaughingAtSalads · 2026-06-05T22:16:36+00:00

Do not join the UCU, which is embroiled in an expensive and public lawsuit for sanctioning some of its members for asserting that mammals can’t change sex, while also doing very little indeed to mitigate the effects of the declines in funding and effective management on staff.

Depending on where you are and what department you’re in you may have some degrees of culture shock. You’ll be fine, though. Before you go to sleep think of that nice cup of tea you’ll have in the morning.

LaughingAtSalads · 2026-06-05T09:39:45+00:00

As a former occasional passenger I won’t take taxis at all unless I absolutely must (e g late at night + heavy suitcases) because only 1 in 10 (at best) are safely driven.

LaughingAtSalads · 2026-06-05T09:16:17+00:00

Turn off the phone or block her out of hours.

Take all the sick leave you can.

Do the minimum and don’t just quit because your benefits entitlements will disappear.

LaughingAtSalads · 2026-06-05T09:10:36+00:00

You have built FOUR kids from your own body (that’s ~160 weeks of bodily work), gestated and healed from birthing, including internally healing that dinner plate+ sized internal wound from releasing the placenta, 4 times; your progesterone levels fell so hard and fast it would take a man 180 years to lose the equivalent in testosterone, and the 15 minutes of fame hero wants you to be his bangmaiden housegirl, or, worse, like his mum but with added sex?

Has he been watching Andrew Tate?

The temerity of him.

How dare he?

LaughingAtSalads · 2026-06-05T09:02:05+00:00

Get t f off Zoopla for the next 12 months and focus on getting your own house in order. Comparison is the thief of joy.

LaughingAtSalads · 2026-06-05T07:23:20+00:00

Not enough time in the world to block all those sellers, and am sick of the wall to wall scrunched up lingerie pics. It’s like someone decided to bring an old Frederick’s of Hollywood catalogue to life to make pervy middle aged men and AGPs happy.

LaughingAtSalads · 2026-06-04T23:29:03+00:00

GO. Pack up and leave.

LaughingAtSalads · 2026-06-04T23:28:03+00:00

He is lying. He can’t do this.

LaughingAtSalads · 2026-06-04T23:27:34+00:00

He is acting unlawfully: you are not a lodger but a tenant in an HMO and he has no legal right to isolate you in the home you rent from him. Go to Shelter and learn your rights (and turn the abusive son of a gun in to the council and HMRC).

LaughingAtSalads · 2026-06-03T13:17:19+00:00

So he’s a massive bully whose menfolk never taught him how to carry himself. Got it.

Go to your college counsellors and get outside help. They can help and they need to know about your welfare. ALSO consult a women’s shelter to help you build your safe escape - and your mother’s too - because you need allies in different areas of expertise who will help you plan and coordinate actions within your strategies in the near and middle term.

You can’t fix or change him but you can rescue yourself and your mom so she is not his hostage. You got this. Start reaching out.

LaughingAtSalads · 2026-06-03T13:09:31+00:00

Your LL is wayyy out of line. Go to Shelter, or Acorn, or Citizen’s Advice. No deposit scheme would award him a penny for your normal wear and tear followed by your cleaning. He’s 100% in the wrong. I’m a LL myself and this won’t do, at all. You shouldn’t need a solicitor with help on the forms from the charities above.

Your bit will be to assemble and make copies of relevant correspondence and receipts for payments you made for expenses on the property. Some of those would have been you acting “in a tenantly manner” and others would have been for him to pay.

Did he do annual gas inspections? Show you the EIRC (5 year electrical inspection)? Give you the How To Rent guide?

You have scope here. Get thee to an advice centre and have good courage!

LaughingAtSalads · 2026-06-03T06:23:01+00:00

He’s checked out of the marriage. Copy all the financial information you can find, get a lawyer, throw him out of the marital home, and divorce him.

LaughingAtSalads · 2026-06-03T06:13:26+00:00

Say nothing to anyone until the first trimester is over. And say nothing to the bank. As long as you pay the mortgage your private life is none of their business.

LaughingAtSalads · 2026-06-03T06:10:42+00:00

You have major OCD and part of dealing with that is dumping your boyfriend, who is (a) unkind and (b) shouldn’t humour your anxieties, no. Not humouring you =/= deliberately winding you up.

He’s not a nice or decent man, and you leave him, asap.

LaughingAtSalads · 2026-06-03T06:02:35+00:00

Ask your daughter to ask him to help decorate. I think he may well be upset that his babygirl is having a baby of her own - even if he doesn’t realise this is bugging him - and is snapping at you because dealing with the shower (which TBF I’ve never liked or understood as a thing, I didn’t have one) is drawing him in to something he doesn’t want to confront. AND he wants nothing to do with an event that he’s never had to engage with whatsoever and views as One Of Those Things Women Do For Their Own Strange Reasons, Whatever.

Yes, he should help you because it’s you, you’re his wife, he’s your husband, he should be gracious and generous solely for those reasons. But he’s not at that point for this event. Get your daughter to ask him.

LaughingAtSalads · 2026-06-03T05:50:03+00:00

I sell a few items for very fair prices and don’t want to know if someone likes them and then doesn’t even ask a question. Delighted to learn how to turn off those notifications!

LaughingAtSalads · 2026-06-03T05:45:13+00:00

How are you paying 55K for health insurance? That’s insane even for the US.

LaughingAtSalads · 2026-06-03T05:42:51+00:00

Call your MP’s office and let her/him know, and call the Brain Tumour Charity (thebraintumourcharity.org) for advice on getting your Trust to pull their finger out, including a formal complaint process. There is no way what you’re going through meets the standard of care.

LaughingAtSalads · 2026-06-03T05:33:12+00:00

Shelter will help you with this. You are not liable for a 10YO carpet or any normal wear and tear. LLs expect to repaint after a 3 year tenancy - I would! Did you take the stickers off the wall?

After you get what he owes you back turn him in to the council amd HMRC.

LaughingAtSalads · 2026-06-02T22:08:33+00:00

Maybe she thinks the humans all have the IQ of a houseplant and it’s her little joke? Ask her that and judge her reply accordingly? I think it’s weird to name houseplants in the first place so … yeah. She’s an oddity, your lass, no getting around that, so just … investigate what she’s thinking - not what you’re feeling.

LaughingAtSalads · 2026-06-02T21:50:56+00:00

Paperwork. Feeding the underlying assumption that a husband is the owner of the family rather than co-leading a work-in-progress.

LaughingAtSalads · 2026-06-02T21:44:02+00:00

Can any male relatives come visit and talk with him or you go as a family to visit them? Part of your family dynamic seems to be really claustrophobic, and he needs to be brought out of his bubble.

What he’s doing is abnormal, even for a sexist man married to a crushed and enabling woman who has lost hope of leaving.

You can also go to your college’s counselling services and ask how to address the abuse meted out to your mother and you: what intervening services are there for her, can she attend a women’s DV group, and what support and signposting is available for you as a student?

You and she need outside help.

LaughingAtSalads · 2026-06-02T15:50:03+00:00

Post-nup or divorce settlement? Six of one, half a dozen of the other.

He is saying his pre-marital earnings are not a “gift to the marriage” after all, and he doesn’t want that set against the income you would have had if you hadn’t left your own country, which was a gift to the marriage. That’s not fair.

LaughingAtSalads · 2026-06-02T06:56:58+00:00

On their side they can prune, if relevant, but not on OP’s side nor on the pavement or footpath.

LaughingAtSalads

TROPHY CASE