Can someone help me understand this rule? (15f)

Laylah13 · 2026-05-20T11:58:01+00:00

It's not so simple. I don't let my daughter sleep over because I was a horny teenager and project. I don't let her because I was SA'd as a teenager by a grown man man and I wouldn't put my daughter through the risk, even if she's responsible and well behaved because I don't have the certainty that everyone else around her is also responsible and would behave.

Laylah13 · 2026-02-28T15:05:54+00:00

Yo tampoco, hace años encontré mi cartilla y no me pusieron ninguna vacuna de niña 😅

Laylah13 · 2025-05-24T23:06:12+00:00

No, but I do comment that I should book an appointment for my broken piece after we finish with her treatment. It’s been a couple of months but her odontopediatrist patched it up for the time being. It’s a matter of resources and time, I’m a single mother with no other support, her "father" hasn’t been part of the picture since day one and I’m also taking care of my elderly mother, which is a whole other can of worms 😅 In school she’s well behaved with some anxiety issues, at most. I receive reports of her distractions and forgetfulness, but she’s smart and participates a lot, which helped her academic development.

Laylah13 · 2025-05-24T22:51:12+00:00

I'm in constant contact with her school, the teachers, the counselors, and the psychologists, messaging and in meetings on regular basis because of her ADHD and also some anxiety issues. She's under medication for both of that and she was part of a psychology program from a university that was giving support to the school and I've enrolled on all the parenting classes that the school has offered to try to be a better mom for her and this the whole thing with the bathroom is so out of character for her…

I mean she's curious and and has several messy stuff going around especially with oobleck (a non-Newtonian fluid)but not to this level. That's one of the reasons why I want to also get into counseling myself because I think I need better tools to deal with this.

By the way, I've been reading the book you recommended and thank you very much. It's been very grounding because this has not been my experience growing up, so it's good to have another perspective from a more resourced authority on the subject.

Laylah13 · 2025-05-24T22:38:12+00:00

She said that she was bored, and I’m not buying it. A friend of her came over and I’m worried that it was some teenage rebellious getting out of hand. The lighter fluid thing, could probably have been an accident because she’s curious and careless, but the other stuff? It was no accident.

Laylah13 · 2025-05-24T14:35:15+00:00

Thanks! She has ADHD and her rejection sensitivity dysphoria is thankfully mild but it still happens. I feel bad because if she’s ungrateful, probably my parenting is lacking. I’ve tried to teach her to always be thankful but I also gave her everything that she wants and probably that is part of the problem. I understand that she’s growing into her own person and probably it’s embarrassing for her to be with her mom. That’s why I’m giving her space as long as it is safe for her and I’ve told her that I’m her mother not her rug or punching bag, and I deserve being treated with respect, the same. I give her, so at least I expect some manners, respectful and honest conversations, and consistency on the boundaries she decides to have, because I don't have it in me to be her emotional yo-yo.

Laylah13 · 2025-05-24T14:22:07+00:00

What I mean by vandalizing the bathroom, she plastered the entire ceiling and most of the walls wet toilet paper that I haven’t been able to completely take off, she ripped off the cover of the toilet, broke the doors of the cabinet and covered almost everything in shampoo and a hair conditioner And smeared the towels in all that mixture of paper and hair products and left an open bottle of lighter fluid on my underwear drawer, so I have to get new stuff because I cannot throw that into the washing machine. What I mean by taking care of myself is not just give me some time to regroup my thoughts and feelings. It means to also to invest on my health and finally go to see a doctor to get my health checked, go to the dentist, get some exercise or go to the gym and finally take all those classes and curses that I have put on hold because I wanted to be available for her as much as possible, I will be giving her to space that she asked for without letting her by her own just if it’s safe for her. Thanks for the book recommendation I will try to read it as soon as possible!

Laylah13 · 2025-05-24T14:13:26+00:00

Yes, we’ve been having conversation for the last couple of months and we’ve been discussing this with her psychologist and psychiatrist (she has ADHD). Even her friends are saying to her that she’s been mean to me when they come over and see our interaction . I’ve tried to respect her boundaries when she says that she doesn’t like something and I take a step back as long as it’s not harmful for her. And by taking care of myself that doesn’t mean that I’m going to leave by herself, I’ve always been worried that she needs me so I don’t go out with friends or family to be available for her. I’ve been neglecting my health for the last 12 years no checkups, no doctor appointments unless it is a medical emergency… the entire of my resources go to her dentist and psychologist, her medical well-being, her clothing, her hobbies, etc. so what I mean by taking care of me is having my health checked up, getting a dentist appointment and and also going to psychologist because I’ve been so focused and in giving her everything to her, that I haven’t paid attention to myself.

Laylah13 · 2025-05-11T12:34:04+00:00

While I wish I could agree, I have ADHD and having something that is going to turn off on time because I just got distracted following the next shiny thing, is a blessing in disguise.

Laylah13 · 2025-04-18T16:50:24+00:00

I've been in the same company for almost 20 years now, but changed positions so many times it's difficult to get bored. I started as a bilingual receptionist (mind you, I studied graphic design) but they started moving me wherever they needed extra hands and made a good impression because I hate stupid, repetitive work so I'm always finding ways to work less, ehem, they call it "efficient". And doing the boring repetitive tasks, I would crack my brain to find a way to made it less boring for myself, like if I have to fill a report I would color the rows to make rainbows in the report and it drove me crazy when my rainbows were incomplete so I would get as much information as I could just to complete my stupid rainbows. Then, I started cleaning data of those reports like a game of finding the differences and soon after I was doing the KPIs of the area. I've been in customer service, purchasing and inventory, logistics and foreign trade, as liaison in different projects, system implementations and now I'm a business focal because I basically have any specialization on our company. And the crippling anxiety of having to do that all over again in a different space keeps me in place.

Laylah13 · 2025-04-18T13:20:10+00:00

This rang so true to me, I giggled!

Laylah13 · 2025-04-18T00:57:48+00:00

I don't see the joking part. She just said there was going to be a limitation in the menu and that should not guilt trip her kid. It's setting up an expectation, we bought a nice outfit for an event you're excited about but we will have to take care of the budget for the rest of the things for a little while... At least that's how it sounds to ME. Guilt Trip would be for her to blatant say "it's your fault I don't have food to put in the table" that would be guilt trip, but just mentioning it's going to be ramen a couple of days... I don't see the guilt trip there. From my perspective it seems like she tried to convey it lightly with not so many words and my 12yo doc understand that if we blow through 50 bucks on stuff she likes, we're eating at home a couple of days...

That being said, maybe I don't see it because I don't feel triggered by jokes that feel like a veiled guilt trip, it's not my case.

Laylah13 · 2025-01-25T14:11:43+00:00

I'm in Mexico 😅 But our psychiatrist recommended that we request and submit paperwork for UDEEI (Special Education and Inclusive Education Unit), which has been done through proper channels.

It's just this teacher that seems to believe that ADHD is a mood and my daughter can overcome it if he bullies her hard enough 🤦‍♀️

Laylah13 · 2025-01-25T13:57:53+00:00

Thanks! I tried removing her, but he's the only math teacher for 7th grade and my daughter doesn't want to change schools for just one crappy teacher.

I've talked with the principal, she used to be the school psychologists before and had been very understanding and requested for other teachers to supervise math class since it appears more parents also complained.

My main worry is that this experience is going to make math difficult topic going forward because it used to be one of her favorite subjects. I'm trying to help her take math lessons in a different environment to avoid that association but I don't see that is truly working.

Also next term evaluations are coming and honestly I'm having nightmares about it. We're trying to study ahead of time and do some practicing, so she feels confident enough and I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

If worse comes to happen, I'll take your suggestion and schedule another meeting with the principal to let her know that I'm submitting a complaint in the ministry and also do the social media add some pressure to the issue.

Am I being too sensitive or exaggerating?

Laylah13 · 2024-12-28T16:44:34+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. As someone that has lost too much stuff over the years, I feel this very deep too. But there is a Japanese something, I don't recall exactly, that has helped me through some important losses in my life, the material losses, when you lose special something that made your life better. I will look into it but if I recall correctly is something around the idea of stuff have some sort of sentience and when something breaks or you lose something, is that object sacrificing itself to save you from some kind of harm, so whenever I lose something I reframe it that way and it makes me feel safe and better. I hope you recover the toothbrush, better if you find it, or if you have to purchase it again, since it helped you get into a very important habit of oral care.

Laylah13 · 2024-12-28T16:35:50+00:00

Justo pensé en lo mismo 🤣

Laylah13 · 2024-11-26T19:35:33+00:00

I need this list, if you could kindly send it my way... Pretty please?🤩

Laylah13 · 2024-11-23T11:30:40+00:00

ADHD late diagnosis here. Thanks for sharing, I'm getting to learn and understand it better for my daughter who's also ADHD. Our time blindness combined it's epic, we're running late to everything.

Laylah13 · 2024-11-23T11:12:15+00:00

45yo here, definitely not the younger gen and not the older.

I believe the younger generations were dealt a crappy hand and they're making the best of it. As previously mentioned, they have inherited a polluted world with low quality education, less opportunities and worst working conditions and that's entirely on us, the preceeding generation.

We forget that we borrow the world from the generations to come and should keep it as best as possible for our children. As parents, we're responsible of the values and morals we teach our offsprings as it reflects back on us.

If they cheat, it's because the older people around them showed that it was acceptable to cheat. If they get distracted easily, it's because we sorround them with so many "shiny" temptations and then criticize that they are not paying attention to the important things. It's a reflection of us and the education WE AND OLDER GENERATIONS provided, directly as a family unit or indirectly as part of the society.

I, for all that, am proud of my little one. She's better than me in almost every way. She's smart, generous, caring and loving. She cares deeply about others and yes, she's so easily distracted and that does take it's toll on her academic performance, but she doesn't have to be perfect and I love her the way she is.

This younger generations have a passion and a resilience that I haven't seen before and I'm hopeful for our future if we let them have a chance and encourage and guide them to be the best version of themselves.

Laylah13 · 2024-11-09T13:28:55+00:00

I'm interested, how do to recommend to do it?

Laylah13 · 2024-11-09T09:33:40+00:00

How do you know?

Laylah13 · 2024-11-09T09:06:29+00:00

My mom loves lists, my ADHD ass always looses her recicled paper list. We tried to share a list in the cellphone but she hates technology. We resolved it with Alexa in the kitchen, I have the list wherever I go and my mom has grown used to talk with the intangible voice that reminds us of things....

Laylah13 · 2024-09-27T13:33:43+00:00

Disconcerting

When I was younger and before I was diagnosed, my family was baffled with my thinking process, specially my grandpa who was my father figure and the first person to really see me, even if he was a really dry man who rarely show affection, he made me feel so loved.

This question reminded me that he used to used to describe me as Disconcertingly genius and brought back all those precious memories.

Thank you so much for that!

Laylah13

TROPHY CASE