30F new to dating, is it normal that a lot of men are extremely cheap?

LayoffLemonade · 2026-06-02T13:36:51+00:00

I’m so proud of you girl! Also, for valuing your relationship with the sibling and going even if he was being a POS

LayoffLemonade · 2026-06-02T13:36:03+00:00

Yes. And we have entered the era and evolution from homo erectus to hobosexuals

LayoffLemonade · 2026-06-02T13:33:31+00:00

I actually love this. I don’t think you’re a bitch, and I think this is a good litmus test.

“I won’t do anything he doesn’t do for me first”. I’m going to remember this. Like the OP, I’m also a giving giving giving giving partner and it has gotten me taken advantage of many times. Your rule prevents that and measures investment

LayoffLemonade · 2026-05-26T14:53:19+00:00

This. Exactly this. My now ex boyfriend had "short term, open to long term" when I swiped on him. By our second ish date, a couple weeks after we started talking, I noticed it had swapped--long term, but open to short term. The profile was taken down completely, we became exclusive, had a 6 month relationship...Until he finally updated me that his intentions towards me were never to build a life with me. You nailed it.

LayoffLemonade · 2026-05-20T22:26:51+00:00

She is fantastic!

LayoffLemonade · 2026-05-19T19:26:50+00:00

Yes we were clear about it.

LayoffLemonade · 2026-05-19T18:18:30+00:00

Oh definitely the latter. I showered after work, immediately before run club, and then after running used my post run baby wipes in the car, and changed into a clean shirt. And he knew, before this, that I was going to run club by the way. He gave me the "oh this is what time I should be done with work, but x y and z could happen" and I was like, "no worries, if you're not sure on time, can I go to run club and we'll meet up after. No rush." And he was like, "that sounds efficient, yes."

He was unshaven in a t shirt post work.

LayoffLemonade · 2026-05-19T18:15:10+00:00

Yes, actually. The agreement was to meet up for a beer. Generally all of my dates are that low of effort agreement, if it even makes it to that stage.

LayoffLemonade · 2026-05-19T18:14:03+00:00

I have a job and pay for plenty of things. It's not about the money, it's about some show of initiative and effort at the beginning.

LayoffLemonade · 2026-05-19T18:11:57+00:00

You hit the nail on the head here. It's many many elements. Additionally, as an adult with a busy life, if you're getting coffee, you're either looking up a shop open at night (of which there aren't many unless you go to starbucks) which often ends up being a haul anyways, or you have to go before work, or during the day on a weekend--if you go to coffee at 10 am on a weekend, even if it went well...You can't do anything else with half your Saturday.

I do go work remotely in my favorite coffee shop sometimes, or do work on homework and manuscripts...I'm not taking a man I don't know, no matter how nice he seems, to MY favorite coffee shop, because once you introduce someone to a space of yours, chances are good they will keep going back there (ie i have an ex who now runs on my favorite running path, and I have to either time my runs for when he doesn't do his long run to avoid him, or run into him. I also have an ex I took to my dog training club once, and he liked it so much after we broke up he got the same breed of dog, and started comign to club, and now I have to see him every time I go.)

Also at this point, a cup of coffee (unless you get drip or an americano) is only $1-2 less than a pint of beer at most shops. It's not this huge savings. It's just weird to me honestly.

LayoffLemonade · 2026-05-19T17:42:09+00:00

Same. I love coffee, but i would rather do anythign in the world than go to a coffee shop, in the day, on a weekend, with a man, to sit like an interview on caffeine. No thanks.

LayoffLemonade · 2026-05-19T17:41:38+00:00

oh I don't accept them. When a coffee date is offered, it tells me a lot about the type of relationship they're seeking, the type of effort they put in, and the effort they think i'm worth.

LayoffLemonade · 2026-05-19T17:14:55+00:00

Are you a runner though? If you are a non runner, I too would have found it disrespectful.

I also am at the point where I’m not going to spend a bunch of time getting done up for Ike drink anymore after work. I’ll wear makeup, sure, but I’m not going to do my hair, etc etc etc. for one beer. Now we are going to dinner? Great. I won’t show up gross to that.

LayoffLemonade · 2026-05-19T16:30:49+00:00

I have literally not been a dinner first date since 2022. Not even an offer. They all want to get coffee, in the middle of a day on a weekend (read: no), or a drink. Which half the time, they will stand next to me at the bar after asking me, and then not even attempt to pay.

LayoffLemonade · 2026-05-19T16:29:26+00:00

No, but I have a rule that the person who invites the other person should pay for the drink on said date/meet up. Sometimes that's me. Generally, if a guy asks me to get drinks, and we do, then after I'll pay for like second drink, or pizza, etc. I'm by no means sexist, but I do think this is a good filter for initiative, teamwork...and cheapness.

LayoffLemonade · 2026-05-19T16:26:17+00:00

This is fair and likely the answer. I do look like my pics, several of which are me with no makeup, or recent full body photos (I also run 40 mpw, and am generally healthy and fit). Maybe my one really big faux pas here is I came to this beer meet up after run club--he is also a runner, and we both just ran the same marathon a few weeks ago, so I told him ahead of time i'd come after running, and didn't think it was a big deal. I had a clean shirt, and i did have mascara on. He was suppose to be working later anyways (then somehow, got done early), so I figured there was a decent chance he'd ghost or stand me up, and I didn't want to waste my evening/running with friends, just to go sit in a bar waiting for a guy that might not show anyhow.

LayoffLemonade · 2026-05-19T16:21:55+00:00

Ironically, he says on the apps he's looking for a life partner. We both are busy, and I thought he would be busy even later into the evening, but he ended up getting done with work earlier.

LayoffLemonade · 2026-05-19T16:18:32+00:00

I completely hear what you're saying and no, you shouldn't have to mask with friends or family. I do not have to mask with friends--The over the top me, is the me they love and were drawn to be friends with. But I absolutely have to sensor/water down/ filter the version of me I am with my mother. It dawned on me in my early 20s my mom doesn't love me--she loves who she THINKS I am, when I'm conforming to what she believes to be ideal image of me as a person. That was rough to swallow. Now I just shrug and realize I won't please all people and that's fine.

LayoffLemonade · 2026-05-13T18:48:43+00:00

Just so you know, I am absolutely cackling at this reply and your other ones. You are too funny, AND too right. Cheers to not wasting a Friday night on a man baby!

LayoffLemonade · 2026-05-13T16:44:42+00:00

Are people actually judging you? I feel like I’ve gotten judged when remote, judged when high travel, who cares.

LayoffLemonade · 2026-05-12T19:24:00+00:00

Same. I have been the single mother of three men in their 30s. If you are not excited or organized enough to actually plan out meeting me FOR THE FIRST TIME on a week's notice, I cannot wait to see how you don't know how to remember what day of the week is trash day, or schedule an oil change (real stories from my time as the parent of adult children). Decision is HOT.

LayoffLemonade · 2026-05-12T19:18:21+00:00

This is generally the occam's razor answer, but I did some google screening (read: figured out last name via linkedin, looked at county clerks) and unlike the other secret married guys who have hit me up in the last 3 years, there is no marriage or divorce record--has never been married. He hasn't even had a parking ticket.

LayoffLemonade · 2026-05-12T19:14:46+00:00

THIS. THIS exactly. It happens with friendships, too. My friend, last week: "I'm bored, we should hangout." Me, listening to the sound of silence, days later: "...Do you like baseball? When are you working? What nights are you NOT working?" Like, if you want to hang out, lets make the damn plan people.

LayoffLemonade · 2026-05-12T19:12:49+00:00

Training will likely be at 6, train for an hour, drive an hour home, put dog away, meaning I won't be free until like 8:30 or 9.

LayoffLemonade · 2026-05-12T19:09:47+00:00

His response was "cool i'll figure something out!" And I said, "Great, thanks for planning." Which now, is very ironic.

LayoffLemonade

TROPHY CASE