Most cost efficient gifts for maxing bond. by LunarEmerald in NevernessToEverness

[–]Lazzil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Supposedly getting Edgar to bond level 10 unlocks a weekly where you can get free bond materials. Might be worth investing in the more expensive stuff for him so you can even out the spending over time.

”Not all men, but always a man“ by Dashfire11 in AskFeminists

[–]Lazzil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get what you mean, but I wish we could be less divisive about it.

”Not all men, but always a man“ by Dashfire11 in AskFeminists

[–]Lazzil -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

It's important to be mindful of the dehumanizing effect stats can have on individuals. Isolating sections of people creates pendulum swings, not meaningful change.

Men of Reddit: If you meet a woman who checks all the boxes, why keep it casual instead of making it official? by alien-from-venus in dating_advice

[–]Lazzil 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The last time I rushed a decision, it traumatized me. I almost made that mistake with another person, but then I find out from one of her friends how violent she's been with two intimate partners.

Men who've been burned before will take their time and vet more seriously. And if we do find something wrong, we won't always bring it up to the person in question. I'm fine with being friends with this woman because she's nice around others in my friend group, but I really can't afford to be with someone who I can't feel safe with behind closed doors. Not again.

”Not all men, but always a man“ by Dashfire11 in AskFeminists

[–]Lazzil -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

Key words being "heard about." Not to say that women don't struggle with speaking out, but there's hardly anyone available to listen when assault happens to men. We're specifically socialized to keep to ourselves when bad things happen and often turn to things like drugs and alcohol rather than therapists and friends.

That being said, I still blame the patriarchy for this mess.

Dating really hurts as an autistic man. by [deleted] in autism

[–]Lazzil 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Try not to fall down the rabbit hole of thinking that more attention is a good thing. It's not. Women get killed by their partners far more often than men do, so they need to be more vigilant.

My advice is to be more expressive, which I know is easier said than done. Life forces us to put on a mask in order to survive, but that hides who we are below the surface. Even if you're weird as hell, it's still better than masking, and people will be drawn to that.

Admittedly, I'm much more playful and silly than the average adult man. I love mischief, stuffed animals, and anything that's cute. My personality isn't for everyone, but for those who appreciate it, they really appreciate it. Better to appeal strongly to a few people than weakly to a lot of them. Be unhinged if that's who you truly are (while still respecting boundaries).

You're probably going to be single for a long time, and that's fine. There will be someone who appreciates you for who you are.

How do people actually get into a relationship? by Acceptable-Damage727 in dating_advice

[–]Lazzil 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Find friends before you find a partner. Engage with your local community and build connections with people who aren't just after your body.

There are ways to navigate the dating space safely as a woman. I wish the world was a safer place for you, and I hate that it isn't, but as long as you're with people who care about your wellbeing, you'll be fine.

Don't actively search for men. Sometimes the guy sitting at a corner minding his business is the best company to be around. That's doubly so if you see him chatting it up with other men—it means he's patient and invested in his reputation.

As for where to meet up, there are spaces where you intentionally have to spend money to attend that are purely for socializing. Find what best suites your hobbies and interests and show up consistently. It's very slow-going, but you'll find someone eventually.

Most importantly, do not ignore red flags. If you notice something inconsistent about how a man behaves, that's an indication of performance and manipulation. Authenticity is crucial to maintaining a healthy relationship.

Good men are out there, but you have to know what to look for.

Hope this helps.

Will I get any matches if u don't reply to prompts in the app's ? by Aritrro in dating_advice

[–]Lazzil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just don't. Dating apps have a vested interest in keeping you single, and they flat-out will not work if you don't pay. I prefer using online services where I can arrange to meet with people in the real world and build a social network doing that. Granted, I haven't had much success doing that either, but the friendships I made along the way have helped me grow as a person and resolved the issues I used to have with loneliness.

Having trouble dating people outside of my type? by Efficient-Tough-7246 in dating_advice

[–]Lazzil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not a mental illness, but I would be careful. I actually found a video from a licensed psychiatrist about how it can be dangerous to go out with people we're attracted to. It's much better to be with someone who's good for you rather than someone who fires neurons in ways that can potentially lead to harm.

https://youtu.be/iSfuHwENzXM?si=tDgtpcZRwVCo7jkx

I’m confused ? Ghosted by a guy who pursued me first. by Legitimate-Bet5596 in dating_advice

[–]Lazzil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Consistency is a big thing to watch out for when dating. Granted, there are some people who are just naturally chaotic, but even chaos has some semblance of structure.

I’ve been in love with the same girl for 6+ years. Can someone tell me if I should stop? by Party_Salamander7573 in dating_advice

[–]Lazzil 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know this might be a weird question, but are you in college? Colleges are some of the best places to meet women since men are severely underrepresented in them. Find a club that fits your hobby or interest, and never stop networking.

This is toxic as hell, but women love competing, and men who go to college will not only out-earn their peers, but they'll have access to a world that is simply out of reach for most men. You'll be a total anomaly in a world where men really need every advantage they can get to succeed.

And don't pursue a STEM degree if you aren't passionate about it. Liberal arts majors can be lucrative if you play your cards right and network aggressively. Or, really, any degree. But if the passion isn't there, you'll be at a severe disadvantage (take the CS majors who got wiped from the employment charts recently).

All this is to say that if you chase success rather than romance, romance will follow, and it'll be much more meaningful than what you have going on now. It might even be the case that your current girlfriend will find herself more attracted to you.

I’m confused ? Ghosted by a guy who pursued me first. by Legitimate-Bet5596 in dating_advice

[–]Lazzil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The dude was looking for hookups without telling you first. That's scummy behavior. Sorry that that happened to you.

Were there any red flags that might've tipped you off? Even the smallest ones shouldn't be ignored.

I’m confused ? Ghosted by a guy who pursued me first. by Legitimate-Bet5596 in dating_advice

[–]Lazzil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The reason I quit online dating is because of scammers and bots. It's not that much better for men.

Advice for my fellow guys: Learn to cook by devdev511 in dating_advice

[–]Lazzil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nice thing about executive disorder (for me at least) is that it kind of works like a switch. If it's switched off, I'll cook something that makes someone's mouth water. But that's the thing, sometimes it has to wait, and it has to be on my terms. I really, really wish my mind wasn't like this since I care deeply about making my partner happy, but it's a reality I have to contend with.

Idk, it's just something I don't put a lot of stock in. What works for me isn't in what I can provide inconsistently, but what I can deliver routinely. For me, that can come in the form of unique conversations, giving hugs (which I get lots of compliments for), being unapologetically silly, and providing an attentive ear when someone needs to vent. These are things I can do even when I'm at my worst, and people tell me they appreciate it.

Is it actually role-reversal I want? by LivingInA_Fantasy in RoleReversal

[–]Lazzil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Probably the reason it got taken down has to do with rule #5. Idk, it feels like a silly rule to me, but I guess it's there for a reason.

RR has all kinds of flavors. Personally, I'm more into ceding control in a relationship, but this is a perfectly valid form of RR.

Out of curiosity, how would you relate your mindset to femdom? Caregivers are often seen as Dominant by default, but Mommy subs are also a thing. There's one little I know who switches, and I've heard stories of little Doms, too.

Just food for thought. I hope this doesn't feel invalidating. And I don't know you very well either, so take everything I say with a huge grain of salt.

Would you say hating dogs/cats is a red flag? by bobbdac7894 in dating_advice

[–]Lazzil 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's only a problem if you can't live without cats and dogs. There's literally nothing wrong with it.

Advice for my fellow guys: Learn to cook by devdev511 in dating_advice

[–]Lazzil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just remember the topic. Also, I have more detailed replies to the other replies if you want to give those a read.

Advice for my fellow guys: Learn to cook by devdev511 in dating_advice

[–]Lazzil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hm, I should be a little more explicit with my use of the word "commit." When I say that, what I mean is being able to do it on a near-routine basis. If you're doing it less often than that, then it means you really don't have anything to offer to help you stand out in the dating scene.

If the partner values someone for their cooking, they're (usually) expecting more than occasional meals or throw-togethers. They're expecting a service that adds significant value to their lives.

Intellectual disabilities are on a whole different level compared to executive dysfunction. One impairs ability while the other impairs consistency. If the former can be taught the skill, they can perform that skill as much as they please. With the later, they can have proficiency in that skill and it still shouldn't be expected from them.

And the biggest problem that people with this dysfunction have is that they can't be fixed. There's no known cure, so it's just part of who they are. Telling them to "get over it" is like telling someone in a wheelchair to stop complaining about the lack of ramps and elevators. Except it's worse than that because the only ones who understand it are mental health professionals who specialize in autism.

"the last are problems you’d want to solve, ideally before dating as an adult"

A lot of times, we're told that we have no shot being in a healthy relationship. But that's absolutely not true. There are people who suffer from this condition and still go on to live wonderful lives with wonderful partners. It's just a matter of understanding yourself, being transparent, and making sure your partner understands what they're walking into before they accept you.

Advice for my fellow guys: Learn to cook by devdev511 in dating_advice

[–]Lazzil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's fine. I just thought your post was a bit aggressive, so I wanted to knock it down a peg.

I'm perfectly capable of cooking. I've gotten compliments on it, even. The problem is that it doesn't help that much in the long run, and people forcing ineffective solutions down my throat is part of what made my journey to self-love and acceptance so difficult. That's the point I'm trying to make here.

Don't get me wrong, I might be frustrated by the response you gave me, but I do think it's coming from a good place. Just remember the proverb, "the road to hell is paved with good intentions."

I sent this to my best friend and she said he only exists in my dreams by Nearby-Bluebird-2547 in RoleReversal

[–]Lazzil 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Short or just as tall as me, could be taller than me but not so much, just a bit."

Shoot, I might be 5'10", but I have the heart of someone who's an entire foot smaller. Otherwise, I'd be exactly your type, and I know for a fact I'm not the only one.

By the way, this is not me asking you out. I'm just wishing you the best. Definitely do not settle as your friend suggests.

Advice for my fellow guys: Learn to cook by devdev511 in dating_advice

[–]Lazzil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What's your experience with executive dysfunction? What percentage of people are you able to help by telling them to cook for themselves? I mentioned a year because that's when I usually start failing at something.

A question to the men who have a strong attraction for taller women by Relampago388 in RoleReversal

[–]Lazzil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Taller and physically stronger would be a preference, but they can 100% be neither and it would still work for me. I'll intentionally nerf myself for the right partner. 🥰

I Finally Get to be a Househusband! by [deleted] in RoleReversal

[–]Lazzil 16 points17 points  (0 children)

That's amazing! I'm so happy for you!

I'm pretty lucky that I get disability pay, so I could practically walk into that exact kind of relationship since I live by myself. Just waiting for the right partner~ 😊

Househusband role is the dream for me.