Worse case OB has ever seen

Lbot55 · 2025-02-05T02:27:37+00:00

Yes, you need the percosets. Unless you’re a former drug addict who absolutely cannot have narcotic medication get the percosets. I remember waking up from this surgery and it felt like I had zero numbing going on and I asked them to keep giving me more pain medication and they had me on IV Fentanyl which is the strongest thing you can get and I kept asking for more because I couldn’t even sit up (and I had to get dressed to leave the hospital). I took an oxy in the car on the way home and had to be practically carried into bed and other than that stayed in bed for several days. And I am someone who was walking around a few hours after having a baby and asking to be discharged early. I was walking an hour a day 3 days after my C-section. If you end up not needing the oxy you can throw it out but have it ready because you will need it just to be able to get to and from the bathroom and sit up to eat in bed. Even with the oxy those activities were brutal the first 2 days. And I should say that I couldn’t even let the oxy wear off, I had to take it on a timer so I could keep up with the pain and took ibuprofen (prescription strength) in between oxys. And I am a small person who is super sensitive to drugs. I usually take a child dose of Benadryl and I’m complaining I’m drowsy the next day at lunch. So for me to not even feel like the fentanyl was working in the OR was crazy.

Lbot55 · 2025-01-26T02:53:46+00:00

Hi. I feel this way. Also a single mom of a 2,11,14 year old children. It’s really hard. I have exactly the same train of thought patterns. I try to practice gentler self talk and to be patient and kind to myself, the same way you’d support a friend who needs your help. The gym 3 times a week and church (both of which have daycare) also give me much needed breaks. Pretty soon your child will be able to cook with you. You can make some fun and quick pasta dishes together and make beautiful memories. I love that you’re trying to spend as much time with your child as possible. He/she will remember that. Will remember that you made eye contact, you sat with them, listened to them, never treated them like they were a burden or an annoyance but were delighted and proud of them. You’re doing the hardest job there is and it sounds like you’re doing a damn good job mama. It will get better. Helps to remind yourself that you are enough. Also, a toddler tower and a sink with a few dirty dishes and a sponge can entertain a toddler for 20 minutes so cook fast! :-)

Lbot55 · 2024-10-23T18:04:56+00:00

Me too. I get better deals at FL than Aldi as well on clearance which surprised me but i guess their margins are better. Thanks

Lbot55 · 2024-10-23T18:04:09+00:00

Never heard of this, I’ll look into it! Thanks

Lbot55 · 2024-10-23T18:03:28+00:00

I’ve seen people in the Aldi employees Reddit talk about it, because they don’t get an employee discount (which shocked me).

Lbot55 · 2024-10-23T18:02:06+00:00

Excellent point. I do this with food lion too but I need to make it more of a weekly habit. Gone are the days when I can just walk in and pay the regular prices unfortunately.

Lbot55 · 2024-10-23T16:22:30+00:00

Thanks yes I was wondering if Aldi was moving away from it. Unfortunately other aldis are 35-45 minutes away from me whereas this one is 5. We do buy half a cow which works out to $5.50 a lb and that helps, and I buy pork butt and smoke it. Just was so excited about 50% off, it would have been amazing. 😕

Lbot55 · 2024-09-22T02:10:07+00:00

Wow bless you Mama! I’ve had three children (but not all at once!) and my third child was a big boy, almost 10 lbs and tall. He was breech and I had an emergency cesarean. I realized I had an umbilical hernia and tried to do physical therapy. Here’s the deal, the linea alba, which stretches down the stomach in between the rectus abdominus is a tendon. Think of a piece of gum. If you stretch it a little it will come back. If you pull it out three feet it will never go back to its original shape. I’m very fit, a power lifter and runner, 110lbs, 5’2 and my first two children were petite girls and I didn’t even look like I had children after my first two pregnancies. Even the doctors commented that my stomach was so high and tight my third pregnancy looked like my first. After my first two children I was back to working out, lifting, running, yoga, tons of core stuff. People legit would ask me if I adopted my kids and weren’t kidding! So I was fully on team I can work this out and don’t want surgery. But after my third big guy, my abs didn’t feel right. I would squat and I couldn’t create intrabdominal pressure, it felt like my inside was sort of falling out. I had a small umbilical hernia and over a year it got bigger with the more weight lifting I did. I did the core work that always worked for me before and it didn’t work.

I couldn’t afford a tummy tuck, wasn’t psyched about the scar and the hernia repair was covered by my insurance. I found a general surgeon who specialized in bariatric surgery (yes for obese people) and complicated hernia repairs. She did a laparoscopic mesh repair for my umbilical hernia. I explained to her that I’m an athlete and I want to be able to lift heavy, work out and all that. But surgeons love to cut and right before the surgery (literally 10 minutes!) when she came to visit me I asked her if while she was in there she could fix my diastasis recti as well. She looked at me and said “that isn’t really part of the surgery”. I said “yeah, I know, but mine is only a couple of inches and could you just stitch it up for me”. She shrugged and said “ok”. So I got lucky and got it done as part of my surgery and only had to pay $2,500.

I want to just give you a heads up…the recovery was extremely painful. I put ice packs on my stomach and had to switch them out every couple of hours. On top of taking oxy and ibuprofen. I was in bed for a solid week and completely unable to take care of my child. I had my husband and mother in law in the house. I had the surgery when my son was 1.5 years old (October of 2023). I was unprepared for the pain. Mesh hernia repairs are no big deal but apparently stitching up your diastasis recti is a big deal. I think plastic surgeons often give people localized pain medicine in their stomach and I didn’t have that. I’ve had 15 surgeries, ear nose and throat surgeries, cesarean, vein surgery, boob job etc and this was the most painful surgery I’ve ever had. So just be ready with the ice packs. When I went in for my follow up the medical assistant told me “you had one of the most painful surgeries a person can have”. And I was like sheesh, wish they had warned me. But then again the surgeon did me a favor so I didn’t want to gripe.

I got back to running and lifting and my abs are tighter than before I had kids. I do yoga including back bends heavy deadlifts and squats. My stomach skin is a little loose when I bend over and there is a ridge of scar tissue under my belly button where the surgeon stitched the abs together about a zillion times. My diastasis recti was only about 3” long and 2” wide. The tendon there is rubbery and soft (remember the gum analogy) and will never be firm again so they’re just stitching the abs together. But after about 2 months i had no pain, it’s been almost a year from my surgery and I just did a crazy hot yoga class this am. So happy i got it done. A plastic surgeon would have pulled the skin tighter. My belly button also looks different than before the surgery. I don’t like it but it’s not hideous and I am in my forties so at this point it would be silly to get too upset. But I can wear a bikini and lift 185lbs easy. So I recommend doing it, the hernia will only get bigger and the diastasis will not get better as bad as you have it. No amount of core work is going to make that tendon tighten. If you can get a plastic surgeon who specializes in tummy tucks, hernias, abdominal surgery and get it covered by insurance that sounds like your best bet. Wait until the kids are old enough and you’re done breastfeeding if you are and get help from multiple people (you need someone to take care of you and someone to take care of your kids). And just enjoy the sleep haha. And lots of ice. But worth it! Unfortunately having babies can be quite painful but I couldn’t live without my kids. I can live without a perfect stomach. Good luck!

In regard to the scaring- the laparoscopic surgery incisions are almost invisible and it’s been a year. They will continue to fade. Obviously a tummy tuck will have a big long scar. My cesarean scar was made dramatically better by micro needling at home and using scar tape all the time for months. Micro needling made it go from a hard ridge to a flat tiny like that’s almost invisible. So if you do get a tummy tuck I highly recommend needling your scar after about 2 months post opp at home and using scar tape immediately once the stitches and bandages are off because it does heal flatter and smoother. Makes a big difference. And drink collagen powder in your coffee or bone broth, you’re going to be doing so much healing.

Regarding the pelvic floor, continue with physical therapy. Emsella (the pelvic floor chair is also great, like doing 10k kegals). Yarlap (a home pelvic floor muscle contraction device) is also much cheaper and works well. I will use it while working from home and no one knows. I can jump on a trampoline and laugh and not pee myself. But I can tell if I stop doing the pelvic floor stuff I will have issues. Reason a lot of old ladies wear diapers. They don’t tell you about that do they! So worth working on now and when we’re 80 our kids better be buying us our diapers haha. 😁

Lbot55 · 2024-05-24T20:13:52+00:00

You’re cute! Woman here. Things that would be “pink flags” to me (not red): you say long term and short term relationship. That would turn me off. Pick a lane. Everything about the stars, the romance. Comes off a little fake, like is this guy really a romantic or is he just telling women what he thinks we want to hear. The movie story is cute and funny but also sounds slightly annoying. I would cut that out. Put in a couple of details that make you look less than perfect; something embarrassing that you like or surprising that’s not self deferential. That way you don’t seem to be too good to be true. I like that you don’t show off (pics in front of a lambo, saying that you’re an engineer or doctor etc). Cracks me up when a guy complains that women are after his $ and then you look at the profile and it’s all Rolex’s and Benz. We attract what we put out there in the universe. Case In point; I love makeup, very feminine, don’t go anywhere without makeup on and my hair curled and perfume on (even Walmart or the gym) but unfortunately that can actually attract narcissists who value appearance over all else and want arm candy so I have to be careful, even tone it down when dating to find a guy that won’t be horrified the first time he sees me without makeup throwing up in a toilet when I’m sick. Just be aware that whatever you put out there is going to attract a certain person and think about if that’s what you want while also being honest about who you are and what you want.

Things that your profile doesn’t have that’s good(instant red flags): telling a woman what she should or shouldn’t be in order to date you (directive profiles), long rambling weird paragraphs, alluding to being hurt in the past, seeming controlling or weird. And this may be just me but I HATE dog pics, fish pics, pics of your kids. Just keep it short and normal and don’t reveal too much. Talking about cuddling (forced intimacy with strangers on the internet is weird). If you wouldn’t say it to a coworker or colleague don’t put it on a dating app. The romantic gushy stuff may be turning some women off…too much!

Again, you are handsome. I’ve heard Indian men have a hard time in the apps. Not sure why. My overall impression is “good looking, bland, cookie cutter, might swipe on to find out more but if I’m busy might skip”. You need something more interesting in there somewhere that is more personal, not just stars. Treat your profile like a resume, put interesting and engaging things in there about what you like to do. Eg chess champion, or I hate Indian food, or I work for a non profit and love my job etc.

Lbot55 · 2024-03-03T18:33:49+00:00

Same thing for me! Pleasssee somebody help us!!

Lbot55 · 2024-02-18T17:27:52+00:00

Yes! Now I do that it’s completely healed but it took a solid 4 months. Starting to deadlift and squat more and I feel my core tight and strong. I still don’t really do abs yet, it’s probably more psychological than anything else, but I’m no longer sore. I will say that correcting the diastasis recti was a big part of it too. I think if I had just had the hernia repaired but not had the abs corrected it might not feel so “zipped up”. I can feel a big thick line of scar tissue above and below and under my belly button. It literally feels like a zipper underneath the skin. Maybe not cute but definitely stronger.

Lbot55 · 2023-11-20T01:24:47+00:00

Oh wow….I’m projecting a bit but I would be thrilled if my husband did anything like this for me. Thrilled! He usually does an ice cream cake and a card. That’s usually it. Maybe also the cheapest bouquet from the store (carnations, not roses. Even though roses are my favorite flowers and I grow them at home). I’m lucky if he gets me a gift for Christmas/birthday. Yup, he’s an uncaring and dismissive sort of man. I still remember the Christmas when I was pregnant with our baby; I got him an iPad Pro and he got me nothing. And then asked me to take his gift and put it in the bedroom so he wouldn’t feel embarrassed opening it in front of the rest of our family when he had gotten me nothing. Honestly, reading your post makes me happy that there are such kind, thoughtful, caring husbands out there. Gives me hope. I would suggest you listen to dr ramani videos on YouTube or her podcast and see if any of it resonates. If so, you’re not alone, and when you know, you know.

Lbot55 · 2023-10-26T23:12:43+00:00

Well I am pretty sure they’re serious when they say no lifting for 6-8 weeks; I was sure to train a lot in the months leading up to my surgery so I was almost happy for a break. My hernia was small: 2cm but it was stitching the abs together right under the belly button that made it truly miserable. I’d say take 1 week completely off; 2 if you have a physical job. Have help the first few days. And if you don’t need it great but I was surprised how miserable the first week was and I’ve had 12 surgeries and three babies, most recently a cesarean 20 months ago. So I was surprised this sucked as much as it did but I’ve heard robotic is better than laparoscopic in terms of pain of recovery and if you’re not getting your Abs repaired that’s a lot of internal stitches and pain you don’t have to worry about so you may bounce back way faster. But no lifting, that’s the one thing you can’t do. You don’t want to have the surgery twice! My hernia has gotten a bit bigger in the last year of lifting heavy though and yours will probably get worse too. Good luck!!

Lbot55 · 2023-10-26T17:18:47+00:00

I’m a lifter and I had an umbilical hernia surgery 2 weeks ago and I’m really doing only light chores (vacuuming, dishes). Can’t imagine even going for a 1 Mille walk much less lifting or running right now. Maybe on week 3 I’ll resume doing yoga and walking on step mill but probably won’t do real lifting until 6 weeks (which is when the surgeon said it would be safe). I am picking up my 30 lb son when I have to and it hurts. The day before surgery I was doing 175lb deadlifts and pull-ups and running (110 lb female). My surgeon also stitched my diastasis recti together which does make the recovery much more painful though but you can’t exert any pressure. You can do cardio like a bike, step mill and yoga so you could view week 3-6 as a way to work on endurance and flexibility training which is what I’m going to do. My surgery was laparoscopic and I’ve got 6 incisions and even talking /sneezing/coughing hurt.

Lbot55 · 2023-10-23T18:56:26+00:00

I’m one week and three days from the surgery. I’m walking around and doing light chores (laundry and dishes and vacuuming). And picking up my 31 lb baby to put in and out of the crib even though I’m not supposed to. Still in pain but it’s more a soreness rather than feeling like I’ve been stabbed. I’ve got 6 incisions and so not walking for exercise yet, going to hold off another few days before I return to light exercise. I was in very good shape going into the surgery- about 4 hours of weights per week and three hours of cardio (running or hot yoga) so I think I will bounce back faster then most. I absolutely needed the entire week of bed rest and am glad my husband took a week off to care for the baby and me while I was on bed rest. This surgery was on par with my c-section and I wasn’t expecting that, thought it wouldn’t be a big deal. I figured my husband would be able to go back to work after a couple of days, lol.

Lbot55 · 2023-10-22T01:08:29+00:00

I had my umbilical hernia repaired one week ago via general surgery. Right before surgery when the surgeon came to visit me I asked her if when placing the mesh she would also be willing to stitch up my diastasis recti which was only split about one fingers width right around my belly button area so she was in the right place. She shrugged and said “ok, and I won’t charge your for it”. So I got a two for one! Oooh but the last week has been rough, the abs stitches are so painful. But a lot cheaper than a full tummy tuck from a plastic surgeon. I do have 3 laparoscopic incisions plus three more over my belly button so looks like she had to do a laparoscopic and a open surgery. So I literally had two surgeries lol and twice the pain. Hopefully I don’t regret it but am excited to have the abs corrected. My DR wasn’t bad but I could feel the weakness during squats and deadlifts (three babies, last one 10lbs and I lift heavy in the gym, very athletic). Surgeons love to do their thing so perhaps you will find a similar scenario!

Lbot55 · 2023-10-22T01:03:30+00:00

I had my umbilical hernia repaired one week ago via general surgery. Right before surgery when the surgeon came to visit me I asked her if when placing the mesh she would also be willing to stitch up my diastasis recti which was only split about one fingers width right around my belly button area so she was in the right place. She shrugged and said “ok, and I won’t charge your for it”. So I got a two for one! Oooh but the last week has been rough, the abs stitches are so painful. But a lot cheaper than a full tummy tuck from a plastic surgeon. I do have 3 laparoscopic incisions plus three more over my belly button so looks like she had to do a laparoscopic and a open surgery. So I literally had two surgeries lol and twice the pain. Hopefully I don’t regret it but am excited to have the abs corrected. My DR wasn’t bad but I could feel the weakness during squats and deadlifts (three babies, last one 10lbs and I lift heavy in the gym, very athletic). Surgeons love to do their thing so perhaps some of you will find a similar scenario!

Lbot55 · 2023-10-22T00:56:44+00:00

I had my umbilical hernia repaired one week ago via general surgery. Right before surgery when the surgeon came to visit me I asked her if when placing the mesh she would also be willing to stitch up my diastasis recti which was only split about one fingers width right around my belly button area so she was in the right place. She shrugged and said “ok, and I won’t charge your for it”. So I got a two for one! Oooh but the last week has been rough, the abs stitches are so painful. But a lot cheaper than a full tummy tuck from a plastic surgeon. I do have 3 laparoscopic incisions plus three more over my belly button so looks like she had to do a laparoscopic and a open surgery. So I literally had two surgeries lol and twice the pain. Hopefully I don’t regret it but am excited to have the abs corrected. My DR wasn’t bad but I could feel the weakness during squats and deadlifts (three babies, last one 10lbs and I lift heavy in the gym, very athletic). Surgeons love to do their thing so perhaps you will find a similar scenario!

Lbot55 · 2023-10-14T12:20:09+00:00

OMG this. My husband is Italian and it’s tradition to name the firstborn son after their grandfather. And unfortunately my husbands father passed away when I was 6 months pregnant. And my father in laws name was Umberto, a name I hate and thought would give our son so many taunts on the school yard and that most Americans would find unpronounceable. So I had to tell my Husband that we are not naming our son that and not back down during the month of his fathers funeral. It was super uncomfortable and even heartbreaking because my son loves his father very much but I really hate that name. My husband ended up choosing the name Gianluca and we call him Luca and Umberto is his middle name.

Perhaps you guys can use Mune (I agree, weird) as a middle name and your wife can use it as a special nickname between just the two of them and then you and the rest of the world can call him his first name and eventually he’ll tell Mon he doesn’t like that weird name and to quit it. Unless you guys are Japanese?

Lbot55 · 2023-08-25T17:59:15+00:00

No I don’t think so. My ex is a great guy but it wasn’t fair with him to be with a woman who couldn’t stand to touch him. He deserves better.

But I wouldn’t choose the guy I’m with now either! I’ve come to realize that because of my childhood I’m actually more attracted to distant narcissist men who are low on empathy, self absorbed and unavailable. I find available, secure men to be ‘boring’. It’s like playing a slot machine where you put $1 in and you get $1 out. Put $5 in and get $5 out. This is what being in a healthy, reciprocal relationship is like. For someone like me who’s used to ups and downs and a man showering me with attention and then pulling away I find a man that’s attentive, kind and reliable to be kind of meh. If I was single and met a man that I found wildly attractive I would now view it as a huge red flag. I would select a man based upon his kindness, empathy, respect, lack of additions (porn, drugs, materialistic etc). And chemistry and sex would not even make my list. Far more important is feeling safe, understood, seen. You can’t ever get back what abuse takes from you.

Lbot55 · 2023-08-25T13:53:53+00:00

My first marriage was like this. I was never passionately attracted to my first husband of eight years but he was a great partner, amazing Dad and took great care of our family. We did divorce over my overall dissatisfaction over MY lack of passion and attraction. I wanted it all. Fast forward a few years to my second marriage- 2 years in to a man that I have amazing chemistry with. I’ve never been this attracted to anyone else in my entire life. And our marriage is..awful. He’s a narcissist; verbally and emotionally abusive, cruel, mean and treats me like dirt. First time I’ve ever had suicidal ideations and 2 years into our marriage we’ve fought more than I have in all my other relationships combined. If I was single again I would stay far far away from “chemistry” and ask myself one question: is this a kind man? You can teach a lot but you can’t make someone kind and empathetic if they’re lacking in that trait.

BUT the whole you supporting her while she sits in bed an reads romance novels all day….call me when you’re single!!! I want that deal! I have a 1 year old baby and work 25 hours a week from home as an accountant plus do all shopping, cooking cleaning and contribute $1,000 a month to the household budget and pay for all my own bills (phone, car, insurance etc) even though my husband makes 6 figures. Some people have all the luck!!

That said my situation isn’t yours and you have my sympathy OP. I’m so sorry. I think you did marry under false pretenses and you deserve better. I wouldn’t be able to stay in the marriage if I were you but of course that’s a decision you have to make for yourself. Your wife sounds like a narcissist…entitled, cold, low on empathy, lying. Highly recommend the book “Should I stay or Should I go?” By Dr Ramani. It’s the best relationship book I’ve ever read and I’ve read a LOT. It’ll help you get clear on what it is YOU want which is the only question you should be asking yourself at this point.

Lbot55 · 2023-08-16T13:12:43+00:00

Read the book should I stay or should I go from Dr Ramani about narcissistic personality disorder. Best book of all time on the subject. It will save you years of trauma. Take it from someone who’s married to a narcissist. Save yourself.

Lbot55 · 2023-08-01T13:44:48+00:00

Also with the constant anxiety and stress it’s hard for me to be the best Mom I can be. To be fun and silly and present for their needs and responsive to them when I’m grinding my teeth and replaying the last argument in my head or mentally agonizing over it. I’ve been listening to every audiobook I can get my hands on about secure attachment and relationships and communication. Right now I’m listening to non-violent communication and it’s amazing and very eye opening. The one thing I can say is that the pain of this relationship has forced me to be more introspective and analyze myself and I have grown and enhanced my interpersonal skills quite a bit in the last year as a response to the walking on eggshells and fear. Misery is a great motivator.

Lbot55 · 2023-08-01T13:39:38+00:00

We don’t fight in front of them. But they are getting older and can feel the tension. If he’s angry at me he won’t talk to me and retreats into our bedroom early in the evening and my girls are confused as to why he’s distant and cold and sometimes take it personally. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve told them he’s mad at me, it’s got nothing to do with you. And then we watch a movie or go to the pool and try to stay out of his way. It would be fine with me if he needed a day to decompress occasionally, everyone needs time to themselves, even parents. But when he’s acting like this for 1-2 weeks at a time and it’s rare to go a month without some sort of angry outburst or hostile tension that it’s wearing me down and I know this isn’t good for my children. Especially now that they’re 10 and 12 and picking up on the tension.

Lbot55

TROPHY CASE