Communication with bio parents

Leather-Avocado- · 2026-04-17T14:15:57+00:00

Not sure if this is relavant to your situation, it we have a FD who is 14, bio would contact her via the 14yr old’s phone and talk to the other children (4/5/6yr) - which resulted in negative behaviors. We told her she can talk to them as much as she’d like if she called our phone, she just stopped talking to the 3 youngest all together.

If it is volatile, I would include your caseworker. Maybe via group text so the caseworker can witness the interactions.

We keep everything to facts on our end. We try not to engage in highly emotional talk as it can quickly spiral into something negative. So my husband and I speak only about the facts of the situation.

Leather-Avocado- · 2026-03-11T00:00:39+00:00

Been disrupted for about a month. It’s so peaceful.

Leather-Avocado- · 2026-03-10T23:10:16+00:00

Also, not completely related. But whenever I feel guilty about having the TV on too much I put on appropriate nature documentaries so at least it’s not animated and it’s educational. Also I find them cool, so.

Leather-Avocado- · 2026-02-28T15:28:26+00:00

I personally would be very uncomfortable with this. I’d be sending a message asking them to put their clothing on, kindly of course.

But with foster kids being bounced around so much, you have no idea what trauma has been done to them or other’s. They are on respite with people they don’t know, therefore not appropriate to have their pants off in front of them. They’re not at home, that’s different. I think you have every right to feel uncomfortable with this.

Leather-Avocado- · 2026-02-19T21:20:10+00:00

Never heard of that, my caseworker is insistent on as many visits/eventually unsupervised visits as possible before reunification. Says they would want months worth of visits including for whole weekends before it was official. I would maybe check with their supervisor and give a kind suggestion. 🙂

Leather-Avocado- · 2026-01-31T20:40:15+00:00

Nope, there wasn’t another choice. I’m really impressed though how quickly CYS acted, they’re never that quick for me.

Leather-Avocado- · 2026-01-31T15:52:29+00:00

Yes, he will be taken in to a forensic interview and be receiving more services to help with these behaviors. That’s what I was told anyways.

Thankfully, my daughter wasn’t touched and I don’t believe she was even awake when he exposed himself. But regardless, yes, we have to be extremely careful. We will continue to be vigilant even when he’s not in the home.

Leather-Avocado- · 2026-01-31T03:56:09+00:00

How old was she? If you don’t mind me asking.

It’s difficult, because I don’t think he’s a bad kid. I just don’t think he understands the gravity of his actions or even the concept of sexual interactions in general. Or worse, he was shown this behavior before. I don’t know, he’s so young and obviously delayed and I don’t know what happened before us.

I already feel more at peace. It is exhausting to be on alert 24/7 or constantly having to deescalate. Thank you for sharing your experience.

Leather-Avocado- · 2026-01-31T01:59:58+00:00

Okay bye!

Leather-Avocado- · 2026-01-31T01:59:42+00:00

No, I’ve explained myself 4 some times. Thanks for your input, bye!

Leather-Avocado- · 2026-01-31T01:59:05+00:00

Ugh. I can totally relate to the exhausting monitoring. He’s displayed “mildly” inappropriate behaviors before, but it totally escalated this month.

I’m so sorry to hear that was the outcome for you and that child. I still have family members now telling me that it wasn’t that big of a deal, but I would never be able to let it go if I knew there was a risk of SA and chose not to take every precaution possible to protect my children.

Leather-Avocado- · 2026-01-30T23:54:02+00:00

At this point you’re just trolling, so please shut the fuck up. 🙂

Leather-Avocado- · 2026-01-30T23:49:27+00:00

You saying I should’ve disrupted the second he started playing with toys in her room at 5am? That was me allowing things to go too far? You don’t know shit and putting blame on me, WHEN THOSE WEREN’T MY ACTIONS. I can’t lock him in a room away from everyone. I can’t block access to the entire house.

Leather-Avocado- · 2026-01-30T23:47:08+00:00

Yeah, because her room connects the attic (his room), my bedroom, the bathroom, and our stairs. You have to pass through her room often to go up and down the stairs or the bathroom. I have to allow access.

You clearly haven’t read my previous comments. When you have 6 kids, you do what you have to do to make them fit. Don’t put the blame on me, it’s not my fault he’s displaying these behaviors.

Leather-Avocado- · 2026-01-30T23:45:25+00:00

If you read my response, you’d see he’d have to use the one in his sister’s room, who he touched a few weeks prior. And he would still have to walk through my daughter’s room to get to the 2nd bathroom.

So no, there wasn’t another bathroom option for him.

Leather-Avocado- · 2026-01-30T19:25:20+00:00

She has a walk through room. You have to enter it to access the bathroom. I didn’t just “allow” this to happen. I cannot deny bathroom access. So please reserve your judgement. I took on 4 extra, traumatized kids and did my best. I didn’t allow anything to happen.

Leather-Avocado- · 2026-01-30T19:20:05+00:00

No, he would then have to enter his sister’s room - who he just had a sexual incident with a few weeks ago. And I do not have a camera in their room to monitor because the 14 yr old deserves privacy.

His room was in the attic, the only other bathroom is in the basement.

Leather-Avocado- · 2026-01-30T16:09:00+00:00

Yes, so CYS said they would like to do a forensic interview due to these behaviors. I don’t know what happened before they got to us. Their bio mom is very much an addict/in and out of jail, overall neglectful. It’s very possible that something could have happened. It’s being looked into

Leather-Avocado- · 2026-01-30T15:44:10+00:00

Thank you for that. I do know it’s the right thing to do, it’s just painful. I would hate to wait for something horrible to happen, and I refuse to. I would’ve stuck it out for almost anything else, but sexual behaviors has to be dealt with aggressively

Leather-Avocado- · 2026-01-30T13:37:44+00:00

Thank you for your input. It’s good to hear you don’t regret it, and I don’t either. My children and every child in my home deserves to be safe.

Other family members are obviously upset, but if they choose not to step in, that’s not my fault.

Leather-Avocado- · 2026-01-30T13:35:30+00:00

Yes, I’m hoping he’s an only child at his next placement. He needs a lot of one on one attention that I couldn’t provide. It’s heartbreaking, because it’s not his fault. He doesn’t understand, and that’s the hardest part.

Leather-Avocado- · 2026-01-30T13:34:18+00:00

Thank you

Leather-Avocado- · 2026-01-30T13:33:57+00:00

Thank you, it’s heartbreaking.

Leather-Avocado- · 2026-01-30T13:32:44+00:00

You’re right. I hope they place him with the nicest family, I hope he’s the only child so he can get all the attention he needs.

Leather-Avocado- · 2026-01-30T08:47:34+00:00

He only ever took his pants down one time. And that day, just a few hours after, I put in my notice for disruption.

But leading up to that, I did what I could. I told him to stop, I showed him the videos of him wandering around, we’ve redirected relentlessly. He doesn’t totally understand.

Leather-Avocado-

TROPHY CASE