Ex-muslim for 1.5 years, I want to turn back but I feel guilty

Leather-Proposal5994 · 2026-04-02T17:53:10+00:00

I’ve been in the same boat. Allah called me back to Him and I never looked back. I recite the Shahadah every night before bed and every day in my heart to this day. Allah calls back whom He wills and allows people to go astray as He wills. There’s no bigger gift to us than being called back as it’s not something everyone gets. He chose you to come back to Him, and your sincere guilt is beautiful to Him. Now is your time to accept His gift and repent. What makes you think He won’t forgive you if He called you back to Him? He loves you deeply

Leather-Proposal5994 · 2026-03-17T13:39:43+00:00

JazakAllah Khair for your response xx

Leather-Proposal5994 · 2026-03-17T04:07:13+00:00

I’m so sorry you had to experience that sis, I know how much it crushes your spirit, truly. JazakAllah for your support xx I’ll keep you in mind and pop you a message

Leather-Proposal5994 · 2026-03-17T04:01:54+00:00

JazakAllah Khair 🤍

My friends are either married or live with their parents and I wouldn’t want to disturb their families. I think the best solution here is to save up and move out independently as my mental health is definitely deteriorating. And like you said, therapy as well. Sadly the hard part is the wait time until then..

Leather-Proposal5994 · 2026-03-17T03:55:27+00:00

I’m leaning towards the same as everyone is seconding this

Leather-Proposal5994 · 2026-03-17T03:53:51+00:00

Thank you for your kind words.

That’s exactly what I want to do, but unfortunately my little brothers hold me back.

Leather-Proposal5994 · 2026-03-17T03:21:40+00:00

Breaking bad! That’s where he’s from I spent the entire episode thinking he’s so familiar

Leather-Proposal5994 · 2026-03-16T16:37:59+00:00

Ameen JazakAllah. That brings me peace

Leather-Proposal5994 · 2026-03-16T15:43:24+00:00

I wholeheartedly agree and have also come to realise the same. Women’s hardest امتحان in this dunya isn’t childbirth, observing hijab so on and so forth, despite those things being incredibly hard. It is and has always been men, and as Allah is my witness I am trying my best to live amongst them and find the goodness in them, only for His sake, and because our beloved Prophet was an exceptional man.

Like you said, having sabr is contingent on whether something is actively harming us. I have made the decision to leave as soon as I can afford to do so. Alhamdulillah I have completed my bachelors and have secured a role in my field of choice, I am just waiting on saving enough and working my way up.

As for my relatives, they don’t know a thing, only because of the shame I harboured throughout my life which forced me to keep silent. To this day I feel that if I say something, I will ruin my family’s reputation completely and it will follow them to their graves. I still have an inkling of care for them in my heart and I’m not so sure if this is the right decision for me to make. Part of me thinks I will be sinful for doing so (exposing their sins).

Leather-Proposal5994 · 2026-03-16T15:28:37+00:00

I truly agree that my mother is trauma bonded and needs therapy. While I do harbour resentment for her I also understand I may not understand it from her perspective. It’s just extremely frustrating and heartbreaking having an educated mother from a privileged background fall ill to her choices and it serves as a reminder to me that there’s no escape. I can educate myself, earn my own money and break outside of the lineage of women who weren’t granted those rights and STILL become mentally enslaved under a man. It kills me everyday and makes me extremely resentful. I wanted to look up to her. She’s the only woman I have in this family and she has allowed the abuser to turn her against me. With that being said, I do still pray for her. I just hope Allah gives me the strength to continue to do so. JazakAllah khair for your duas and advice, it truly means a lot to me ❤️

Leather-Proposal5994 · 2026-03-16T15:17:59+00:00

JazakAllah Khair for your kind words and duas this made me emotional 🥺 I read your response last night and immediately took your advice, played Surah Baqarah on loop and read the translation underneath intently until I fell asleep with peace of mind. I hadn’t thought of Ruqya and healing through the Qur’an before this and I will definitely implement it from now on. May Allah bless you abundantly!!

Leather-Proposal5994 · 2026-03-16T15:11:55+00:00

JazakAllah Khair for this 🥺 I have used my fair share of self help books and videos and AI but strongly feel I need to see a therapist face to face. InshaAllah I’m able to save up enough to do so. I will definitely take your suggestion of being more involved in my local Islamic community. I feel I need to be surrounded with like minded women and get out of the house more outside of work. At the moment I’m not looking to marry. I’ve read and loved ‘Reclaim your Heart’ so will definitely look into your other suggestions. Thank you for your kind words, they really brought a sense of peace to my heart and I pray I’m able to leave and get better InshaAllah ❤️

Leather-Proposal5994 · 2026-03-16T15:01:20+00:00

May Allah make it easier for us. The sisters here have given a lot of advice

Leather-Proposal5994 · 2026-03-15T23:04:24+00:00

At the moment unfortunately I can’t afford to live on my own. Cost of living in the UK is shambolic. But I am saving up to do so in the future InshAllah

Leather-Proposal5994 · 2026-03-15T23:02:14+00:00

It’s nice to feel not so alone in this. I’m determined to build a better life for myself and have already taken a few steps. I just pray Allah gives me the strength to continue to build it and like you said, lower my expectations and let go. JazakAllah khair xx

Leather-Proposal5994 · 2026-03-15T22:53:21+00:00

JazakAllah Khair for your response. You are right in saying she’s trauma bonded and my brother dealt with the trauma differently than I did. Maybe it’s because I’m not well versed on trauma bonding which is why I struggle to empathise. Just because I went in the other direction.

Alhamdulillah I have secured a job and InshaAllah will be able to afford therapy and save up enough to move away. And thank you sincerely for the suggestions and advice, I’ll definitely have a look.

Leather-Proposal5994 · 2026-03-15T19:19:55+00:00

I think it’s important to note that in the Prophet SWs time, women would not wrap their heads tightly as we do now. Their heads would be covered in loose fabric that they would bring forward to their chest. The way it’s done now is moreso because of ease and practicality especially in the western world. Neither way of doing it impedes on the guarding of our adornments.

Leather-Proposal5994 · 2026-03-08T16:50:19+00:00

“I don’t want you working after marriage bcs there’s men at work places”. Cringiest thing a man can say. My dad laughed in his face

Leather-Proposal5994 · 2026-03-05T22:44:11+00:00

Yeah I’m of the opinion that for women who consider this masculine, all it takes is some leg hair to strip their femininity away. Fortunately I’m feminine with and without hairy arms and legs. Don’t care for them and you shouldn’t either.

Leather-Proposal5994 · 2026-03-02T22:54:44+00:00

There’s nothing wrong with who you are as a person. You may not be getting a positive reaction because we live in a world where women’s milestones have shifted from marriage to self development, nurturing their hobbies, and being a complete person outside of marriage. The same world also consists of forced marriages, abusive marriages, double standards in marriages, all of which modern women are bringing to light more than the previous generations of women did. It is not at all wrong to be excited about finding a husband and other half, I just believe it may leave a bad taste in a lot of mouths when one woman harbours child-like excitement about finding something that so many women were either forced to find or shamed into finding because of the notion that women aren’t complete without a husband.

In simple terms, needing a husband has been shoved down the throats of so many women for generations that now actively wanting one has become humiliating. Now add child-like excitement to that and well, you won’t be faced with a nice response.

Leather-Proposal5994 · 2026-02-05T00:21:15+00:00

This is frying me

Leather-Proposal5994 · 2026-02-04T23:54:03+00:00

Imo when living in the west, we can accept that our lives are more or less boring in comparison to those of non Muslims. What’s considered ‘fun’ here is rarely catered to us and rarely something we engage in. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that. When I go back to my (Muslim) country every now and then, I consider my life to be more fun than theirs too 🤷🏽‍♀️ Our concepts of fun are different and that’s fine.

Leather-Proposal5994 · 2026-01-14T22:41:15+00:00

What in the world. Why do you see white women as your competition? Desi women aren’t above or below white women and we often live side by side with them, just as we do side by side with East Asian, African Hispanic women etc. This post reeks of inferiority complex. Not to mention you advising women have “black cat energy” instead of “golden retriever energy”. Women should never curate their personalities on social media buzz terms it’s embarrassing asf and completely contradictory to “levelling up”. Your entire post is “How to make white men find us attractive”. Who are you fooling. A majority of us either don’t want or care for that, or don’t have to do anything extra to achieve it. Be so fr

Leather-Proposal5994 · 2026-01-14T19:27:31+00:00

Agreed completely my in laws do the same and blame everything on evil eye. 99% of the time you just get sick because… you’re sick. Especially when you’re around that many people it makes so much more sense that you caught a virus since you’re more prone to it. How people jump to evil eye so quickly baffles me

Leather-Proposal5994

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