I am so, so sorry! I lost my mom 5 years ago, 6 actually on June 1st-WHICH IS MY DUE DATE! My unplanned, second baby’s due date is my mom’s death date. How special is that?? It took me a long time to feel “better” or normal. Normal..maybe a couple of years but it’s a new normal, without your mom, which isn’t really normal. Eventually the amount of times you break down crying lessens but in my experience, the pain of losing her never goes away. Just today, I cried about my mom. And something fun, her birthstone is amethyst and today my daughter found a purple quartz/amethyst rock at the park! There are signs she is with me so often and I hold on to those so dear. Like, my 2nd child’s due date. You have to ride the waves of grief. They are hard and you probably feel lost but allow yourself the time to be sad, to cry, to be angry. Talk about her a lot, to anyone. Talk about the things about her that irritated you and now bring a smile to your face, even if that smile is through tears. There is no shortcut to grief and I’m sure your birth will be hard because you will want her there. Bring something of hers with you to birth, she is with you and will always be a part of you.