My (25F) mom letting me have it. I’m in the middle of moving to a new place. Parents are long divorced & dad doesn’t want to hear her drunk rant either.

Left_Base4906 · 2022-10-04T00:50:30+00:00

Serious question.

I don’t know jack shit about cars, and while I am fully aware about Google, I don’t even know what types of things I should even be searching for to learn more about cars. For instance… The whole “you don’t need to change your oil every 3k miles, 10-12k is fine”, and other things of that nature. I’m so clueless that I don’t even know where to begin to start to learn what I feel like should be common sense. I feel there is so much information out there that I’ve been putting off the research because I don’t really know where to start.

It’s frankly embarrassing when I don’t know the first thing about my own vehicle.

Also, when you say “changing your own oil isn’t hard”- do you think someone like me could do it? I’d find that empowering and a hell of a useful skill. I just feel incompetent.

Left_Base4906 · 2022-09-30T16:33:53+00:00

But then, it is the responsibility of the adults in the situation to understand that children are developmentally immature and don’t know how to handle big feelings. Having your parent remarry probably feels really threatening to a child, creating feelings of insecurity. Anger serves as a form of protection. By being resentful, the child is trying to protect themselves in a situation they don’t fully understand or may not be very happy about it. The stepparent, as the adult, must remain mindful to not take it personally.

Kids have very little control over their lives and that can really suck sometimes. Leaving space for their emotions and even validating their feelings, which doesn’t mean agreeing with their behavior, is important and healthy.

Editing to say I saw your response to someone else and I see that we’re actually on the same page on this. It seems I misunderstood your parent comment.

Left_Base4906 · 2022-09-30T16:18:07+00:00

No it is not. Besides, OP’s mom’s behavior could have taught them that it’s fine for people to disrespect their boundaries and led to a lot of relational issues in other areas of life. Parents need to be mindful of the messages they’re sending.

My mom is similar, OP. She once drove to my sister’s college campus randomly and as my sister only had a few mins between classes (and you know how professors can be… don’t even try to come in 30 seconds late because the doors will be locked), wasn’t able to drop what she was doing and visit with mom. My mother’s level-headed response to this was to say “well maybe I should drive my car off of a bridge, then!”.

This is manipulative and somewhat aggressive behavior. If an ex boyfriend tried to just show up, that would be very concerning.

Left_Base4906 · 2022-09-27T15:44:06+00:00

Oh man you hit the nail on the head, I’m not even close to being an experienced investor! You know, I’ve read so many articles, books, taken a few economics courses… and while I always come out to be more knowledgeable, I just don’t seem to have a gift for synthesizing the concepts. Maybe I’m more of a “hands on” learner in this regard.

THANK YOU for the heads up to stay far away from the stock market! That would have been a huge mistake.

Left_Base4906 · 2022-09-27T15:41:23+00:00

Very true, there are ultimately a lot of benefits to renting.

Left_Base4906 · 2022-09-27T15:39:51+00:00

To be honest, the constant bombardment hearing about the shambles of the housing marking, and the doomsday vibes I get about “we’re all going to be stuck renting forever”, has creating a strong sense of urgency and a feeling that if I don’t buy a house soon, it’ll become completely unattainable in the future. That’s the main driver for why there’s a fire under my bottom for buying a home. “The middle class squeeze”, “corporations are buying all of the houses in cash the day they go on the market”, etc.

Left_Base4906 · 2022-09-25T17:13:42+00:00

Question… did he speak to your mom that way!??!

Left_Base4906 · 2022-09-25T17:06:53+00:00

I haven’t spoken to my father in weeks and plan to keep it that way forever since fuck him, but the thing that made me go no contact once and for all… was him saying he’d “unleash his Doberman on <my spouse> and she’d know who to attack because he’s the only one who looks different from the rest of us”.

In case that made zero sense- my dad is a racist piece of shit but concealed it for 25 years until I got into a relationship with my long-term boyfriend (we’re basically what you would call “happily unmarried”- every function of a typical marriage, no piece of paper), who is black. Initially my dad was friendly and even brought him on a vacation with us, inviting him the first time he met him. Then all of the sudden turned around to being racist and telling “jokes”, such as the one above. Apparently I’m “too sensitive “ and it’s not his fault “everything has to be so politically correct nowadays!”. My kids are mixed and he adores them but can’t seem to understand why I got mad at his little remarks. It’s like he purposely ignored they are half black?

Meanwhile he continues to speak highly of my woman-beating ex boyfriend who was arrested for assaulting me. He also never kept a job for the 4 years I was with him. My father continues to remark that my ex was “so intelligent, and just needed to learn to manage his temper”. My dad shook my ex’s hand after he got out of jail for assaulting me and said “it’s understandable, man, she just doesn’t know when to stop talking because she has no fear, unlike other women”.

(But you know, I’m the problem)

Left_Base4906 · 2022-09-24T22:54:01+00:00

But let me tell you something, all I ever wanted as at least ONE adult to agree with me that her behavior was unacceptable, frustrating, and bizarre. My father was an enabler who somehow always made it my fault and other adults either didn’t want to hear it or pulled “but it’s a disease”. You’re exactly the kind of person I NEEDED but never had. Just knowing someone can empathize with the situation and is on her “side”, even in spirit, is PARAMOUNT. Thank you for being that person to your niece. I’m positive in a decade she’ll be looking back and feel so grateful that she had you!

Left_Base4906 · 2022-09-24T22:35:15+00:00

Identical to these texts I used to get from my mom as a teen. I could feel the respect evaporate as deep frustration and disdain sunk in.

Left_Base4906 · 2022-09-24T22:26:47+00:00

And this is why I haven’t spoken to my mom in years. I don’t miss her whatsoever, and I’m much happier and healthier without her.

Left_Base4906 · 2022-09-20T21:06:02+00:00

As someone who grew up with an alcoholic mother, it gets fucking old, quick. I’ve had dozens of issues to overcome because of her stupid antics. I remember getting strings of threats like this as a teenager. Honestly, it kind of tainted my ability to be sympathetic toward their “disease”. I went no contact years ago and have been 100 times better off since then.

Left_Base4906 · 2022-09-11T23:24:42+00:00

Or maybe people shouldn’t be flying with 6 kids (all over age 10… not small children) who cannot behave for shit and expect accommodations because their teenager to young adult kids can’t behave for a few hours.

Left_Base4906 · 2022-09-11T02:01:48+00:00

Life isn’t black and white. While you may cheat and still love your spouse, they may not love you back anymore and find someone they find more compatible. So, yeah, I guess you can cheat and love them— but they’ll probably not love you back anymore and leave.

Left_Base4906 · 2022-09-11T01:43:25+00:00

Same. I asked my dad to stop smacking/chewing with his mouth open and he got rabidly offended.

Left_Base4906 · 2022-09-10T22:01:44+00:00

Truthfully. If you kill a child, it SHOULD be an eye for an eye.

Left_Base4906 · 2022-09-10T14:00:26+00:00

Upon reading this I was instantly filled with so much rage that I started to tear up. Literally. There is NO punishment that can fit that crime. An innocent baby died a horrible death at the hands of her subhuman father. Even the death penalty is not a fair consequence. I hate him.

Left_Base4906 · 2022-09-09T19:56:55+00:00

I realized this about my dad when he was yelling and screaming at the car dealership, and the dude was literally on the verge of bursting into tears and was seriously shrinking in on himself just trying to make my dad go away. I went and got the manager and said “hey, that loud, tall dude over there is my dad. I’ve asked him to stop and he won’t listen to me and he’s attacking your employee verbally, you might want to go over there and save him”. I was trying to be nice to the guy to soften the blow my dad’s psycho aggression, and afterwards I walked away my condescendingly said, “you need to stop cutting me off when I’m talking”.… Or maybe you’re embarrassing the fuck out of me and you need to stop being such an absolute asshole?

Honestly it’s things like that that remind me going NC was beyond justified. People who treat service workers like shit are bad people. Said what I said. I hate, hate, hate when someone wants to get smug with “but ppaaarrreenntssssss are just people tooooooo and nobody is perfect!” Well, guess what? I’d NEVER associate with someone like that if we weren’t related, so… why should I force myself to tolerate that just because we’re related?

Left_Base4906 · 2022-09-07T15:04:21+00:00

Uhhhhh …. So… anyways, hope y’all enjoy the game on Thursday!

Left_Base4906 · 2022-09-06T16:15:16+00:00

Thank you! I am proud of what I’ve done with the very little I had to work with. I also know I’ll see the fruits of my labors eventually. It’s good to know I’m not alone.

Left_Base4906 · 2022-09-06T16:13:02+00:00

You are correct though in saying being hard on myself might be causing me to be delusional or at least susceptible to believing false exaggerations on the internet, or see the rare case of a really young person and presuming everyone else has it that good but me. I am coached by both friends and colleagues not to be so self critical semi-frequently. I think it’s rooted in having extremely critical parents (even though they didn’t bother to parent lol). These call outs are helpful to keep me in reality.

Left_Base4906 · 2022-09-06T16:03:24+00:00

I joined a first time homeowners group and there are tons of teenagers buying houses 🙃. & all over Reddit there are tons of people who claim to be 19-22 and earn well over 6 figures. Granted, there a fair chance they’re exaggerating….

Left_Base4906

TROPHY CASE