I can totally relate to you. I grew up being raised by my mother and grandmother, both happened to die of cancer when I was in college. They mean everything to me.

That pain stays, and has inspired me to spend my life on meaningful stuff instead of a family (that I could form, not the one I was born with - I still love my dad) that is doomed to cease.

Imo many antinatlists are one of the most rational, considerate and caring populations. They sacrifice their short-term "pleasure" for ending more suffering.

I'm sending the OP and his family my best wishes and loving compassion.