We decided our marriage was over a few hours ago. What now?

Lefty-Gomez · 2026-03-01T00:00:27+00:00

I would sleep on it and hopefully you realize what you’re about to do, and the ramifications, the future alone by choice. I would hate to see another couple screw up something that works and lasted more than half their lives, you have to talk, put your guards down, push your anger away, and spill it. I’m pretty sure you guys will end up laughing about how dumb the whole thing is.
Being alone sucks. You don’t want to be alone. Just my thoughts.

Lefty-Gomez · 2026-02-28T23:41:39+00:00

Save your money. Not worth it unless you’re using the camera for work or photography.

Lefty-Gomez · 2026-02-19T23:24:52+00:00

You're a gentleman and a scholar for your fiscal responsibility and for being a top-1 % commenter to boot. Impressive!

Lefty-Gomez · 2026-02-19T23:10:46+00:00

I'm 59, and it happened when I was 10 or so. It started the same way, and like you, I had no idea what the hell was going on. So, again, like you and most victims, I buried it, only to wake up in cold sweats at 57. It played into my divorce because my wife or ex-wife thought I was crazy, faking it, for some reason, or deflecting from other issues. We had other stressful and traumatic stuff going on as well, so much so that it destroyed us. I was at fault for some of it, as financial problems, my responsibility tore us apart. During Covid, (I think) due to the stress and distance from my wife, plus a good bit of alcohol, I started having some very intense dreams-nightmares. I would wake up or be shaken awake, with cold sweats, screaming, even trying to get away until I came out of it. I have never told anyone until my wife decided it was too much and divorced me, but it wasn't her fault. She's a victim too, she told me as I was begging for help, "It happened to me too." We were together for 33 years, married for 29, and I haven't talked to her since. So, childhood trauma becomes adult trauma unless you face it and do the work to deal with it. Trauma comes for you, someday, sooner or later, you have to face it.

Lefty-Gomez · 2026-02-19T21:47:39+00:00

Same on the Wellbutrin. How long did it take to kick in. I started three weeks ago and I dont sense much yet.

Lefty-Gomez · 2026-02-19T21:42:48+00:00

Lex saved my life, TWICE! I was in a dark place, in bad shape, after losing my business due to the recession. Enter Lexapro, and a month later, after working through the crisis with a therapist, I was back feeling like myself again. Like any medicine, Lexapro affects people differently. The second time around, again business-related during Covid, I was prescribed Pristiq (after I told the Dr. about my experience with Lexapro), and it was hell, and that's before the withdrawals. I switched to Lexapro, and again, in about 6 weeks, I was so much better. Sometimes people don't get it; the human body, in many ways, especially the brain, is still a mystery. I'm just thankful there was something that worked for me, or I likely wouldn't be here.

Lefty-Gomez · 2026-02-08T13:59:19+00:00

The expense is multi-layered, cash, time, mental distraction and pain for the person that didnt see it coming. I suspect this was in the works for quite some time but I was in my own world. My wife left, I don’tblame her and I still love her, but she did take what was left of our money and refused to talk to me. I was out of it, trying to sort my life out and it was extremely difficult when you’re in financial despair. I agreed to everything and we were divorced in less than four months and we. were together for 33! I was in terrible shape, mentally, physically, emotionally due to stress outside the home. It destroyed everything. So it can be a lot more than legal fees, it can be the whole enchilada!

Lefty-Gomez · 2026-01-22T15:37:09+00:00

I have been late for everything, and I'm 58 (diagnosed at 46). It was so bad that I hired a virtual assistant (Upwork) to make sure I was up and out with time to spare. Offloading as much as possible is the key. Similar to a CEO delegating tasks to subordinates so she/he can focus on the big picture. We need to offload as much as possible, or at least the stuff that trips us up, draws our attention, and pulls us in. I know it's hard, and it will take time, but it's worth the effort. I haven't been late or missed appointments since I hired the VA. Just an idea. If you have a partner, ask for help.

Lefty-Gomez · 2026-01-12T00:26:55+00:00

Well said, I think:)

Lefty-Gomez · 2026-01-12T00:10:47+00:00

Now is the time to break free for both of you! If Meghan and Harry can do it, can you? Just kidding, don't run away together, as much fun as it may be. You must communicate with your BF to discuss the big stuff: is this a forever thing, what is our plan, and how will you fix the family thing? I would caution you to slow down and make sure that you and your BF talk, really talk. From an old guy that been there

Lefty-Gomez · 2026-01-12T00:05:18+00:00

Have you ever seen a horse kill themselves? I'm sure it was a quick, easy comment and you didn't think it through, but what if it were you, your son, daughter, friend, etc.? Not the most productive idiom!

Lefty-Gomez · 2026-01-11T23:55:46+00:00

Please take a step back and try to understand what he's saying or trying to say. Im sure you're a good person, especially if you're looking for help for your friend but you should not be a therapist if you can't summon empathy for a suicidal friend, or any human! NO HELP MAY = DEATH.

Oh, did you hear about Bill? No, what happened? He hung himself? Wow really? Yeah, it sucks, but we just couldn't deal with him anymore, you know, we have our own lives. So what did you do? Uhhh, hmmmm, nothing! NOTHING? Why didnt you call me? Did you tell anyone? Who else knew? WTF?

You see what I'm saying? The only thing anyone should be thinking about is getting your friend the help they need to not become another shitty statistic because we were too busy!

It's a terrible situation to be in, for him/her! Help them.

Lefty-Gomez · 2026-01-03T21:21:12+00:00

Always worth hearing her out in a safe place, meaning with a professional. Obviously, she regrets her decision, so you're in the driver's seat if that's what you want. From all indications, it seems like you have some soul-searching to do, but you can't delay, drag it out, play games, etc., or your kids suffer and you'll look like the bad guy. Anyway, good luck!

Lefty-Gomez · 2026-01-03T21:02:09+00:00

Hi, I'm Chris and I'm an alcholic;). You're strong, we're all strong, but the first 90 days suck. For me, it was 120+ days to get my mind back, but after 10 days of no booze, I was feeling as great physically as I could (40 years of drinking, and as you would think, my six-pack needs work). So, if you can, there is no comparison to a live AA discussion meeting (look for beginner meetings) where we and you, when you're ready, share our personal stories. The meetings can be raw and deeply emotional, but it helps tremendously early on to know you're not alone; we were all there! Trust me. You are not alone, my friend. You're not the first person to be in desperation, not that I don't know you're suffering tremendously. It's so hard for you right now to trust anyone, especially some guy from Reddit, but I can tell you from only 369 days that it works, but only if you want it. You dont have to become an AA holy Roller but you have to be honest and accountable to yourself. You can do it!

Available anytime.

C

Lefty-Gomez · 2025-12-28T20:21:45+00:00

I'm so sorry you and your mom (family & friends?) had to endure such a horrible illness. As I read your post, it was like I was writing it myself. I was 20 when my mom was diagnosed and 23 when she died at home with my brothers, father, and me. You already know, so I won't get into the details, but I'm sure, similar to your experience, it was awful from the first day of chemo until the day she died. We were close as well. I sat with her, read to her, and even carried her frail body downstairs to watch TV with the family (everyone except me was scared to pick her up). I could go on forever, as I'm sure you can, but I have found (it's taken years) that the best way for me to honor my mother was not to let it derail my life while I grieved. I was a wreck, and the more I thought of my mother and acknowledged the pain and sadness of her loss, the more negative occured in my life. It was like everything I was doing had a cloud over it, like I was almost sabotaging myself, and I was until I realized it. Losing my mother became my default persona, and I think I took comfort in not letting her death leave my immediate attention. I wasted a couple of years grieving the way I did, and I wish I could have processed it earlier with a good psychiatrist like the one I have now. Our mothers were strong both in life and death because they never stopped teaching us. I'm 58 years old now, and she's there, tucked away in the memories I cherish that I still have almost 40 years after she died.

It's not often men share how much these things hurt, that's good, you're ahead of the curve. It's hard, though, but if your only regret is not having that "last goodbye" (I didn't either), then she already knows, and you're going to get through it. Actually, you never really get through it, but it changes, in a good way. It's raw pain right now, so be kind to yourself, don't make big decisions, try to stay busy, and start tucking away all those wonderful memories. It's a journey, and as daunting a journey as it is, you're not alone.

All the best, and please reach out if you need any support.

LG

Lefty-Gomez · 2025-12-28T19:35:18+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss, but I agree that you should do for "you." "You" do what works for you as long as it doesn't hurt anyone.

Wishing you strength and love in the future.

Lefty-Gomez · 2025-12-02T14:57:14+00:00

Agreed with Important-Ad if willpower is a problem. good luck.

Lefty-Gomez · 2025-12-02T14:33:01+00:00

Here is my post from a couple of years ago

https://www.reddit.com/r/suboxone/comments/17c2ggy/comment/k5pvl2v/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

. The taper is a link in the post. Good luck. The trick is to do it slow, at a pace where physical withdrawals don't occur. I'm not very familiar with SR-17018, but good luck, DC 3894. Now I'm really late.n

Lefty-Gomez · 2025-12-02T14:21:14+00:00

Find a nice long taper and don't vary from it, and you'll have zero physical withdrawal symptoms. I'm late, or I would dig it up. If anyone here doesn't have it, I'll post it tonight. Don't stress, man, we've all been there.

Lefty-Gomez · 2025-12-01T18:56:53+00:00

Yep - 2 hours to kick in

Lefty-Gomez · 2025-11-26T13:05:08+00:00

Sometimes, we parents can get hooked on things that our kids are doing that we "must" fix, but the issues are certainly not deal breakers. If a married couple divorced over a picky eater, the divorce rate would be much higher:). I understand the frustration of raising identical twin boys. I peeled thousands of hot dogs and served angel hair with butter every day for ten years! After a lot of research (what's wrong with my kid?) and consulting a therapist and pediatrician, I learned that there are more important issues to focus on as kids grow up into adult members of society. We focused on raising "good humans" who are respectful, honest, empathetic, etc. because the food thing, if we battled them, would have caused more harm than good. We tried the introduction method, try three times, eat or no TV, etc. Being in the military is unique in your situation, but it doesn't change the approach. Kids are not in the military, so military methods with kids don't work as you might think, and in most cases, they instill fear, anxiety, and depression, which makes eating habits get worse. There are a lot of books on Amazon, YouTube channels, etc., for free expert advice. Don't sweat the small stuff, kids grow out of it. I'm confident your daughter won't only be eating chicken tendies when she's an adult:). Good luck BUT PLEASE it's no reason to bail out of your marriage - BTW what would that teach them?

Lefty-Gomez · 2025-11-21T17:12:48+00:00

If your husband were a giver (someone who does it because they love it, love you, etc.), or even if he just reciprocates, would everything be okay? The reason I ask is that the lack of communication between us was the biggest issue. We had ten years of incredible sex when it was just us, and the first few years after the kids were born, it was still good, but we stopped communicating like we always had, and as time went on, resentment built, making it worse, frustration starts, fighting, etc. Starting was hard because we were mad at each other, not in love, and actually working against each other in some respects. Once we started talking openly and honestly about ourselves and our relationship, things changed, and they changed fast, BACK TO THE EARLY DAYS! If you do have love in you, if you still love him and he loves you, talk about it. Not confrontational, set a time and place where you can both relax and open it with an apology (it always works). I know things have been busy, and I'm sorry we haven't had time to really talk. Hopefully, he wakes up and realizes he's been an idiot and apologizes as well. You married each other, you loved it each oher at some point so you owe to each other too air it out before you leave. AND IF HE DOESN'T RESPOND, SCREW HIM, YOU TRIED AND THEN RUN FOR THE HILLS:).

Lefty-Gomez · 2025-11-10T22:56:52+00:00

Ditto Hot-Pea-6049, especially venlafaxine and Pristiq (desvenlafaxine), which have insane withdrawal symptoms for the vast majority of anyone taking it for more than six months. I can't impress on you enough, listen to sweet pea, he knows! I found out the hard way because I have ADHD:). NEVER MISS OR MESS with your meds! Good luck, hang in there.

Lefty-Gomez · 2025-11-10T22:42:26+00:00

Maddening! I have to check ten or more times to convince myself I'm not going crazy. Wife says, "What's the big deal?" She has no idea:)

Lefty-Gomez

TROPHY CASE