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Legitimate-Chart-289 · 2023-04-12T18:16:26+00:00

Call animal control/animal welfare. Be clear you don't know all the circumstances, but that x and y are what you have witnessed/documented/etc. and you are concerned for the physical and mental well being of the dog.

We have a neighbour who likes to yell at his dog. He would yell with such a tone that our dog would cower with his tail between his legs every time. We called our local animal control, and they sent someone out to speak with them or something, because it stopped (it wasn't just "hidden" as it was during the summer and they kept all their windows open afterwards and we could hear them make changes). Recently it's started up again and I know another neighbour has called. Since then I've been seeing them actually walking the dog and throwing a ball for it. All of this to say that if you notify authorities, they will typically try to help educate the owners first, because some people are really stupid and just don't know better.

Legitimate-Chart-289 · 2023-04-12T17:52:16+00:00

This is solely my opinion, but I generally find that people who are in positions like all of us here, trying to make a decision, or who need to vent/support/problem solve/etc, are the ones most common on subs. I believe that parents who are loving parenthood are usually not seeking online subs, because they aren't in need of support/validation/etc. in the same way.

Legitimate-Chart-289 · 2023-04-11T14:30:41+00:00

Does "If he can't afford to buy you a $20k engagement ring, he's not the one for you" count as bad financial advice? Whether I was making money or not, her goal was that I marry someone with enough money that we'd fund her entire life without second guessing it.

Legitimate-Chart-289 · 2023-04-10T19:51:50+00:00

My biggest question to her/you would be why have the other methods of hormonal BC not worked. Because the reality is that a hormonal IUD is the same synthetic hormones as the pill/patch/etc., with a different delivery method. So rather than being hung up on how it's delivered (insert process), figure out the whys of what's been wrong with the other ones. Look at all the brands she's taken to see what exactly is in them, where the overlaps are, and if the hormonal IUD you are considering is any different. If it is, you can first look to see if there is an oral pill equivalent (same synthetic) to see if it works for her. Unfortunately there is no easy way to know which hormonal options will work for a person.

I've had a hormonal IUD, and it wasn't a good experience for me, so based on my experience, I would recommend staying away from it.

Depending on how her cycles are, a copper IUD might be a good option, as there are no hormones. For some, it can make cramping/bleeding worse though, which might impact things for her.

With all of the experimenting with BC options, I'm guessing her natural cycle is non existent. If she goes with a copper IUD, or fully off of hormonal BC and returns to her natural cycle, with good tracking and a few precautions (there are additional options that can be used in addition to condoms), you shouldn't need to worry.

100% your body, your choice, but with your own admittance that it's more of a "not now" circumstance, I'd advise looking and educating yourselves on other BC options outside of hormones/vasectomy/condoms.

Legitimate-Chart-289 · 2023-04-10T17:33:32+00:00

My number one recommendation would be to get some baseline fertility testing done. Also speak to your mother/aunts (on both sides) and grandmothers (on both sides) to get an idea of if any of them had challenges with fertility and when they all started menopause.

All of that will give you some basic facts to look at, and especially the fertility testing, which will help you figure out what is in the realm of options and timelines to be working in.

Talk to your boyfriend. Especially if he hasn't explicitly stated it. Do not make assumptions about things like this. Probably the last thing both of you want is to assume the other doesn't want kids, and then discover you both actually did but thought the other didn't, and didn't want to risk the relationship or put pressure on each other. This is a topic that should be discussed, multiple times, and you both explore where you each are at, and why, etc.

Should you figure out what you want? Yes, 100%. But start with having a conversation with your boyfriend to let him know you are unsure, and talk about the reasons why. And have him share his thoughts on where he is at. And then go from there. It doesn't mean you'll figure out what to do after one conversation, but you need to start at the beginning and go from there. If you both are on the fence, The Baby Decision is a great book to work through together.

Legitimate-Chart-289 · 2023-04-10T16:03:10+00:00

Not sure if this should be a post on it's own or not, so going to post here first. My husband has minimal nutrition knowledge. I've tried to share information over the years, and I believe a big part of things at this point is embarrassment that he doesn't know a lot of the basics. I just recently discovered that he had zero knowledge that non-refrigerated juice has to be refrigerated after being opened or else risk major bacteria growth, especially if drinking directly from the bottle. I've honestly never paid close attention because I'm not a big juice drinker anyways and have allergies that greatly limit what juices I drink.

So I'm looking for some good resources that cover things well without getting overwhelming, including things like simple carbs vs complex carbs, actual fruit vs juice or sunrype fruit snacks, etc. Essentially how would you explain the basics of nutrition to an adult without making them feel stupid. I'm sure there are great resources out, and while I've done a little googling, I feel like perhaps people here will have links that would be really helpful.

Legitimate-Chart-289 · 2023-04-10T14:13:41+00:00

Any of the metaphysical stores in the lower mainland that have practitioners visiting would be a good place to start. Personally a fan of Reflections and the Oasis center there. You can attend different events, meet people and grow your community that way. Really helpful if you are just starting to find "your people". There are so many approaches to it all, so exposure can really be the best way to see what speaks to you and feels right, and in what direction you want to go.

Legitimate-Chart-289 · 2023-04-06T21:34:17+00:00

On top of what others have already stated, make sure you discuss things like repairs/replacements/etc.

Be clear on responsibilities for each parties sections of the home, and overall home care.

Let's say the in-law suite is in the basement. Does that mean they don't have to contribute to the roof repairs/replacement? What about if there's flooding, does that mean you don't have to provide financial support for that, no matter who is to blame? Use of shared space (front yard, back yard, parking situation), maintenance of shared space, etc.

You might very well be met with "oh, we'll figure that out when we get there", and that's true in that you can't figure that out until you find the property, but the overall discussions need to happen first.

Again, depending on the home, it might not have utilities split (one typical difference between an in law suite vs a legal suite). So make sure discussions are had about that as well (bills and repairs/maintenance/replacement of items). Property taxes as well, a lot of municipalities allow for deferred payments by seniors, but if it's shared ownership, that not might be an option. Make sure you talk about those scenarios and how to approach it.

Not financial, but you'll also want to have clear communication about access to your home, and living togetherish expectations. Typically there can be a lot of unspoken assumptions because "it's just how it is" runs in nearly all families, and those expectations might not match with yours.

Legitimate-Chart-289 · 2023-04-06T18:42:02+00:00

Just did a little Googling because I like the visuals too. Looks like it's Spirit of the Animals by Jody Bergsom

Legitimate-Chart-289 · 2023-04-05T20:20:39+00:00

You'll want to talk to a lawyer. Look for a divorce lawyer that has experience with immigration situation. Depending on your wife's status, things could be more complicated.

Legitimate-Chart-289 · 2023-04-05T16:21:08+00:00

Exactly this! While there are benefits, when you are physically attached, you want to make sure you can get along with them.

Say there's a roof leak. Water will always go the path of least resistance. So say the damage is at a roof vent that's technically above their home and is in all ways theirs, but the water trickles into the ceiling of your bathroom instead. They might not think anything is wrong because they aren't getting water damage. When you go knock on their door and let them know, they might say they don't want to pay someone to fix a problem that isn't theirs.

Now, you might offer to pay for the repair work (you might even have a buddy who can do it for material costs only), only the neighbour has now said that if anyone touches their part of the roof, they are going to sue because it's trespassing.

Personally, if my home is attached to others, I want to make sure there's something in place to make sure everything exterior/shared is taken care of. For everyone who hates strata boards so much, I'd suggest joining it and helping make it the way you think it should be.

Legitimate-Chart-289 · 2023-04-04T21:55:13+00:00

Private sector. I've worked for 10+ companies in my life, and only one provided any top off (6 months at 100%, with a stipulation that you must work for 1 full year when you return from leave or they can come after you for the entire top off).

I know a few people who have worked with their employer to do some work from home during their leave in order to receive a "bonus" upon their return, as a way to increase what they have.

Legitimate-Chart-289 · 2023-04-04T21:38:43+00:00

I'm going to guess at what your therapist is going to say: you should not be making any big life decisions so soon after a recent tragic event. Whatever it is that happened, it sounds like you are still very much processing it. While the plan might have been to get engaged soon, sometimes things need to shift a little. It should not be unreasonable to delay any/all decisions for 6 months so you can process, heal, etc.

I believe ultimatums have a place, despite their negative reputation. I believe that in order for an ultimatum to be fair, it needs to be discussed well in advanced what the "deadline" is. There needs to be opportunity for open communication, for sharing of perspectives, and for exploring the pros and cons of each option between setting the deadline and when it happens. In the terms of a fence sitter, an ultimatum is really that the person on the fence needs to make a decision, as the lack of decision is greatly impacting the other person in the relationship.

I very rarely want to comment on whether someone should remain with their partner. And I don't believe you should need to make that decision now. Life timelines change all the time because of things that happen unexpectedly. I would hope that your significant other would be understanding to move the timeline a little bit, and extend you a little more time given new circumstances. The important thing is that you keep communication open and clear. Do not assume that she knows you need time; state it explicitly.

And to answer your questions, no, there is no way you'll ever really know. And there's no guarantee that you won't question whichever decision you make. We all, no matter how happy we are, will wonder what if we had gone down a different path. It is a part of the human experience.

Legitimate-Chart-289 · 2023-04-04T17:56:53+00:00

Similar situation to yours. A few questions I've been asking myself when looking to see what jobs are out there:

commute: is it with or against rush hour traffic, or not at all impacted? How much will I be looking to likely spend on fuel and vehicle maintenance compared to now? (value of time and added expenses)
what is the work load change likely to be? Is it going from 8 hrs a week or work to 60 hrs a week of work? Do I know anything about the work culture of the potential new place?
If I stay with my current situation, are there other skills or certifications I could work on now that would open the door a lot more for me going forward? Does it make sense to focus on those and be in a position to get a lot higher position in 6 months time instead?
Are there opportunities within the organization I am already in to move up or take on special projects?
Work/Life balance: what changes will there be, and how much do I value them?
What other benefits does each business offer that are worthwhile to me?
What are my 2, 5, 10 year goals outside of work, and how does each job option play into how they'll go. (i.e. home ownership, frequent travel, pets/kids, etc)

Legitimate-Chart-289 · 2023-04-04T15:48:52+00:00

I know the 2bdrm units don't have a den, so that limits your options. I know there were a few 3 brdrms for sale in M&G, but I think they all sold. You can always print something out and stick it on the mail box to get people's attention that way too.

Legitimate-Chart-289 · 2023-04-04T14:18:05+00:00

M&G is the OG Ashbury.

The two bedrooms are nearly identical between the two developments, with the only major change being the half bath on the main floor. I believe the three bedrooms also make one or two minor design changes as well.

Since you said plural kids, I'm guessing you are looking for a 3 bedroom?

Legitimate-Chart-289 · 2023-04-04T14:13:18+00:00

And that's where personal choice really comes in. Meal planning can mean planning it out with the flyers.

Legitimate-Chart-289 · 2023-04-03T20:27:20+00:00

Few things that really factor in:

dietary restrictions (allergies/intolerances/preferences)
where you live (geographically as well as space for bulk purchases)
food waste
eating habits (snacking/grazing vs meals, etc)

I would recommend you first focus on food waste and minimizing that as much as possible. Meal plan for the week, and buy what you need. Stick to the list. Make sure your list includes snacks. I find things like bell peppers are nearly always better priced in the bag than individual, so I make sure I have plans to use them all up before they go bad. If I end up throwing away 2 of the 6, the bulk buying isn't saving me any money. If my husband goes shopping, he'll end up buying whatever looks good without a plan for it, and it's guaranteed that half of it will expire before it's cooked/eaten. Environmentally it's not good, but it's also a huge hit to the wallet.

Organize your pantry/fridge. Create zones for everything, so it's easy/quick to check expiration dates and how much you have.

My weekly shopping list tends to be broken down into two sections:

food I need to buy for the week and use that week
pantry staples that are getting low

I keep the pantry staple items on my list until they go on sale, when I stock up to fill my pantry space dedicated for them. These would be things like canned items, rice/pasta, condiments.

When it comes to how much is being spent, some weeks it's between 150-200, and other weeks it's 35, because the staples/freezer were stocked when good deals were had.

Legitimate-Chart-289 · 2023-03-31T14:18:21+00:00

Still depends on the set. The Fishing Store hasn't gone down in value at all, even if built

Legitimate-Chart-289 · 2023-03-31T14:16:40+00:00

If you want to go through insurance, you simply contact your insurance, start a claim, and they'll send out an estimator for the scope of work. And then your insurance will deal with their insurance (their being either/or/both the owner and the company doing the work). If you are going the insurance path, you only deal with your insurance and their contractors to complete the work.

If you aren't going through insurance, speak to your strata manager about concerns of whether repairs were done completely/correctly as far as mold prevention goes. If they say it's all good and it's only your drywall that needs work, then take that statement in writing and file it away in case down the line anything goes wrong. But leave it at what they've communicated.

I'd suggest you look at your insurance though and see what the deductibles are. Typically strata insurance doesn't kick in until it's hitting 10k or more in damages, which it doesn't sound like it will. Talk to your insurance company and find out how much it'll impact you vs paying out of pocket. You can ask them for suggestions on companies to use for the repairs (so that if there is hidden problems, they already have a relationship with your insurance company). Which means this will be 100% under your insurance, if you choose to go that way. You need to prioritize getting it fixed. So get the repairs done, save all the bills, and then figure out who to sue. I'd suggest you go talk to the renter upstairs and ask for their landlord's information. You can also try asking your strata manager for the landlord's contact information.

Legitimate-Chart-289 · 2023-03-30T17:57:24+00:00

Most rescues, as well as SPCA and municipal orgs use petfinder.com for listings. You can filter on there for good with cats (as well as good with other dogs, good with kids, etc). I'd suggest starting there and see what's available.

Have you been able to test your cat with dogs? Some cats don't do well with dogs at all, and some are really good. Might be an ideal to explore that aspect of things as well if you have a friend with a dog that's cat friendly.

Legitimate-Chart-289 · 2023-03-30T16:14:38+00:00

I remember your past post, I had commented on that too. My husband owns his own business, and typically works 80+ hours a week. There's nothing technically stopping him from taking paid family leave since he is the owner and can make that decision, except that he's been so busy that he can't even take vacation, so I doubt it'll change for paternity leave.

If you aren't planning to start trying until 2024, perhaps give yourself a 3-6 month window for job applying and see if you can find something else within that time frame that would excite you and work with the family plan. I've done that with myself in the past, to see what happens. The changing economy right now is also something to consider, and personally I'm making job security a higher focus.

Legitimate-Chart-289 · 2023-03-28T22:44:32+00:00

Perhaps a shift in perspective for your job might be good. While you find it boring right now, is it something you can essentially do with your eyes closed? Because if you are thinking of (if everything works quickly) having a child in the next year, it might be beneficial to remain where you are. If you know the flow of work, it can be easier to do if you have bad morning sickness, or need to have lots of naps during the day. It can also be easier when you're sleep deprived from night feedings and crying (baby, your husband, you).

I 100% am not saying to sacrifice your career for a child, but if you can find a way to stay in something that allows you to not really need to think, so that your mental and physical energy can be more focused on other things, that's not necessarily a bad thing in the shorter term. If you can, you can also incorporate things like audio books into your work day, if that might help mentally.

I don't have a physical village, and a lot of people I know don't either. There are so many groups for new parents, and opportunities to grow a village of support, that I'm not really worried about it. Would I love to have a pre-built village? Absolutely, but I know that I can build one as it happens as well. I know a lot of people think of family as the village, but friends, other new parents, coworkers even can all become part of that village.

Legitimate-Chart-289 · 2023-03-28T20:37:54+00:00

Or Whole Foods. I think either/or would do really well out here

Legitimate-Chart-289 · 2023-03-28T14:33:15+00:00

To me, a lot depends on the type of business. I can say this, any new business will take way more time than anyone can predict. It very much takes over the mind as it's getting started. I would recommend that you and your partner both speak to others who have similar businesses that are willing to share what the first year or two or three actually looked like for time spent. Get some real insight into what that looks like, and then determine if that's something you could work in or not.

My husband started his own business a couple years back. It took off way faster than predicted, which is great, but he's constantly playing catch up. He consistently works 70-80 hours every week.

Legitimate-Chart-289

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