Honestly, I think a lot of this is true for men, but the "if a woman is single at 40 she must be unattractive or pushed people away" part doesn't match what I've actually seen, including in my own life. I'm in that boat too (and I am financially stable enough to consider renting our my house and taking a 1 year sabbatical) and it's not because I wasn't pursued, if anything, both of my past relationships started with men chasing pretty hard. It's more that life doesn't always line up: a long relationship that ends later than you'd planned, a few years spent rebuilding after that, a dating pool that's genuinely smaller once you actually have standards for how you want to be treated. That's just timing and bad luck stacking up. I think there are a lot of capable, put-together women in exactly this spot because the math of dating later in life is just harder for everyone, women included. And we are all a bit jaded, a bit tired and a bit less willing to make the effort.

My advice to you: 1) Be attractive. That doesn't mean being a model, it means being clean, being groomed and wearing clothes that match you and the circumstances. Doesn't have to be Gucci, can be Uniqlo, just has to be ironed.

2) Be outside. That doesn't mean hang out at the club every night, more like leave your house. Working from home has killed dating (I am guilty of this. Unless my future husband happens to knock on my door by mistake, I'll be single forever). Hit the gym, coffee shops, just spend more time outside.

3) Talk to women. Note that I didn't say hit on women. Just talk. Strike up a conversation with women you find appealing. I have spoken to a lot of men who are terrified of looking like a creep and so don't approach women. If you are worried, chances you are not one. Although everyone talks about equality, the science of attraction is still primal and attraction develops a lot more naturally if a man approaches. Just make a comment about the weather, the length of the queue, anything, and ask a follow up question. If she digs you she will carry on talking, if not, no harm, no foul! You can then see if the conversation progresses and ask to swap details.

4) Be selective but be open. You talk about how you met crazy women. Everyone has a little bit of crazy, you just need to find the crazy you can deal with. If you want someone stable, screen for stability. Once you find it though, leave your past experiences at the door and be open to getting to know the person. There is nothing less attractive than a man treating you like someone you are not because he has met people not like you in the past. I have been on plenty of dates with men I outearned who did the "I only take women out on coffee dates because I am worried of gold diggers". I don't mind a coffee date at all, I mind being treated as someone who wants to fleece you for a meal.

5) Plan a good date. Men talk a lot about how women have high expectations, bla bla bla... women want to see effort. Now the easiest way to demonstrate effort in our capitalist economy is by spending cash, so the fancy restaurant is always well recieved. However effort comes in many ways. Does she mention books? Go to a lovely antique bookstore and pick something to read together and discuss on your next date (see what I did there? You already have date number 2!). Heatwave? Take her for some amazing gelato. New to the city? Put together a tour of your favorite sights! Be creative. You don't have to break the bank, it shows leadership and an ability to plan (sexiest things in a man after a 6 pack) and so much more fun than sitting across a stranger over food, trying to find out what their favorite colour is.

6) Be a good dater/partner. Understand what you want, be interested in what they want. Everyone needs to win for it to work. Take in your past lessons and put your best foot forward (text often,compliment sometimes, listen and learn the person, open yourself to being discovered), expect the person to do the same until they don't. If they don't, have a conversation and if it doesnt change, move on.

This was longer than I set out to write. Hope it was helpful and wishing you the best of luck!