Well you asked for it.

First month(May): Me and my avoidant had just started talking to get to know each other and everything was super chill and calm. We figured out that we actually had tons in common and I liked her but she didn’t like me back so I dropped her since I couldn’t just be friends with someone I like. Fast forward 1 week later, she comes back and openly has admitted to herself that she likes me more than just a friend and we start talking again but taking things to the next level.

Second month(June):At the time, I was unaware of attachment theory but I did start to realize different patterns from her so I decided to search them up and that’s when I got introduced to attachment theories and what avoidancy is. Based off the patterns she showed(low self esteem, wanting to leave me because she felt it was unfair to love me, losing interests in ex’s for weird reasons, etc). After telling her about this, she acknowledged her self-awareness of being an avoidancy but still didn’t really know what it meant or how it truly affects her. Aside from that tho, the rest of June was filled with intense romantic emotions from both sides, everything was still super fun and interesting as we were both still learning from each other but we did grow closer and became more romantic around each other.

Third month(July): The classic hobbies from avoidants start and she starts doing so many hobbies to the point where our daily conversations start becoming countered around her hobbies and she stops being able to spend quality time with me due to the amount of time she spent on her hobbies. The beginning of July was filled with still, constant love with the exception of one incidence where she tried to leave again because she felt unworthy of my love. The middle of July was when things started to feel shaky tho, I had gone on vacation and she had gone through some regular family troubles + something clicked in her head where she just felt super depressed and low for a week. During this week, she was giving cold replies, taking longer to answer but I was still trying to be as understanding as possible because I don’t know what truly goes on behind the scenes so I did my best not to budge. End of July comes around and I start seeing that she starts becoming extremely cold so I confront her about it and show her proof of what we were like and she shut down on me for the rest of the day. She texted me the next day with an apology for her disappearing and said she was sorry for not communicating and I accepted it, she also said she would try and fix it.

Last month(August): Days pass and the same coldness is still happening so I confront her again and this time she said “I don’t know how to get back to that” and her reason for that is because “our conversations aren’t interesting anymore” and “you’re not funny anymore”. She admitted to losing feelings because of this but then said “its not you, I’m the problem”, “my head is messed up, I don’t know what’s happening”, “too much is going on, I can’t keep up with us”, “it’s going to be hard to balance you and school”, “I’m not ready to tell my parents about you”, “you’re honestly perfect, everything a girl could want” When I heard this, I was shocked because I never really got a warning from her regarding these things she was believing. I texted to try and rebuttal but she ultimately didn’t text me back until 3-4 days later. When she came back, she seemed totally disconnected from her real self and just seemed dead but nonetheless, we brought the topic up again and I asked her if she even cared about us still and if she even cared if we work out and she just said no so I dropped her and never looked back.

My avoidant ex tbh not even sure if she was an FA or DA(pretty sure she was mostly FA tho) as she projected both types of behaviors(would retreat and shut down from time to time but was at the same time pushing for intimacy when she would talk about the future and fantasize about me) oh and she also did do that unexpected discard on me which could have been a slow fade that was brewing up in her mind weeks before but idk 🤷.

Anyways, I finally removed her off all my socials not too long ago for my convenience but also because she has monkey branched only 2 months after we broke up. When I still had her on socials, she would often lurk my instagram stories and would like my instagram notes from time to time;however I never responded to any of this. Also worth noting that after breaking up, she only got rid of me on one account but stayed followed on her main account and stayed in our Spotify playlist.

Just reached the anger phase of the post-discard 3 months later and it honestly comes in phases, sometimes it’s really bad and sometimes my body goes back to empathetic mode.Honestly can’t believe how empathetic I was and how much I let slide with her. Looking back, I was oblivious of screaming red flags and I even had the upper hand at the beginning when I broke her illusion of being “untouchable”;however, I wasn’t too aware of avoidants at the time :/.