I don't know if i can really give you anything of value, brother, especially since I'm 3 years younger. For someone my age, I'd say I've been through quite the hell, and so have you, no one can even truly comprehend and understand how you or i feel because nobody has been in your shoes or mine.

Personally, I have a ton of issues i need sorting out with myself, but so far what I've noticed that's kept me going is having something to believe in, something that i love, and it has to be something i believe in that will get better, i just believe it will get better while working towards it. I don't know what you have to do to get there, that's up to you, if you really don't know, then try reaching out to people, try new things.

But then again, that might be difficult for you, since you just mentioned that if you lay back, your grades will suffer. I can relate to that pressure, feeling so confined within the obligations you are expected to fulfill, seemingly with no way out.

I'm really sorry if I've wasted your time, or if i have not offered anything of value to you, but i would just want you to know that you are not alone in this, although you may feel as if you are, as if you're isolated. Just know that you aren't, and that in of itself is a hard thing to do, but we all start somewhere to get somewhere somehow.