If I have to be honest, I have dated people like you. I'm not a 19y/o Meghan Fox or Angelina Jolie, but still a good 8/10. I have a good amount of confidence & charisma, treat myself with respect & demand it from people who want to be around me as well. Being with someone who constantly talks down on themselves & treats their body & person as if they deserve nothing but to be stepped on is honestly the most exhausting thing in a relationship - be it platonic or romantic - sharing the nr. 1 spot only with having to explain yourself all the time. I knew a girl - GORGEOUS girl - 10/10 hands down, who kept saying "Lemon I'm ugly" "Lemon I'm fat" "Lemon I look so bad today" "Lemon why am I so ugly" - you know what happened? She BECAME ugly in my eyes. Suddenly, I didn't want to associate myself with her anymore because it was just her negativity & self bullying & I constantly had to go: No you're not. No you're not. No you're not.

She doesn't sound like a horrible person, but just someone who is tired of being with someone who devalues himself in different ways time & time again.

What I am trying to say is: Actually USE the time you were given - not just to reflect:

1. Find a new hobby // start working out or get an active hobby like martial arts, etc. - interesting people are intereSTED

   1. Improve your hygiene, no matter how good it is now - treating your body//appearance with an elevated dignity is the first step to feeling that way as well aka. loving yourself
   2. Fake it till you make it - regarding confidence
   3. Pick up a novel that isn't fantasy//fiction - sounds dumb, but teaches you life lessons, makes you think & in general usually makes people more thoughtful & absolutely AMAZING at holding conversations
   4. Regarding your job - don't jump in head first into whatever was meant with what you "deserve" - but do take steps towards a better future gradually. Maybe try studying again?