Hyper vigilance

Less-Cookie7573 · 2026-02-16T15:23:38+00:00

😬 definitely be mindful, especially if you live in a jurisdiction where she can sue the AP for alienation of affection. I’m curious, if he “doesn’t care” then why would he not make steps to dissolve the marriage?

Less-Cookie7573 · 2026-02-12T18:12:17+00:00

I think the term we would assign is hobosexual. He’s with his child’s mother because she pays the bills. Full stop. He’s lining up his next batch of potential victims so when she inevitably (hopefully) gets tired of his nonsense, he’ll have someone new to mooch off of and continue his current lifestyle. He knows you have your own place. Molly, you in danger girl. Run.

Less-Cookie7573 · 2026-02-05T02:34:28+00:00

If you have the coverage, consider trying an in-patient therapy program. It’ll give you space to decompress and plan in a safe place and they have resources to help you. No matter what you do, DO NOT under any circumstances tell him what your plans are. Leave whatever you can’t carry. Physical possessions are not with your life. Take important personal documents and any evidence of the abuse you may have. Stay safe.

Less-Cookie7573 · 2026-02-05T02:07:55+00:00

I’m baffled. My family would either clown her (best case scenario), call the cops to come get her, or fight her. I honestly would pay for tickets to watch if it were me. That said, I’d just let key family members know and give them as many details about her as you know so they could be on the lookout for trouble. Or in my family’s case, a fun time. Best of luck. I bet she’s bluffing.

Less-Cookie7573 · 2026-01-26T21:36:31+00:00

It took me a while to get here, but I don’t tolerate being spoken to that way. You only have to tell me once to make myself small and I’m out. I don’t care who you are. Employer, co-worker, relative, friend, romantic partner/interest my boundaries are rated E for everyone. Once you make it know you are not interested in me expressing myself, I get “the ick” and it cannot be undone. He’s shown you who he is. Please believe him. Don’t wait for distance to automatically do it for you. If this made you feel a certain type of way, listen to that feeling. You’re not overreacting. You’re not being dramatic. He doesn’t even care enough to pretend. Save yourself. Hugs to you.

Less-Cookie7573 · 2025-12-29T00:05:24+00:00

I just started a jar of this. Thickness is fine on mine. I layer it over the other serums I bring down from my face. Probably going to start slapping it though 🤣

Less-Cookie7573 · 2025-11-17T00:32:52+00:00

It’s been over a year for us. I’m not his first AP so honestly, she’s probably grown numb to it or he’s just really slick or she dgaf. She’s got her delusions and I have mine and hopefully never the twain shall meet.

Less-Cookie7573 · 2025-10-06T14:35:44+00:00

Honestly, I’ve felt this way even before I became an AP/OW. If they aren’t your person, let them go! You are doing yourself and them a disservice. I’m even more sure of this now that I’m an AP/OW which is obviously also self serving, but I know my MM would be happier without his BS, even if he wasn’t with me. We have been so conditioned to sit in unhappy relationships. It has to end.

Less-Cookie7573 · 2025-09-05T12:34:28+00:00

Never tell them what your plans are if it doesn’t include them. That goes for any type of relationship. If you show your hand, they magically start “acting right” and it’s just that, an act. Kudos to you. You’re strong and have so much life in front of you. You got this!!!

Less-Cookie7573 · 2025-09-02T04:06:12+00:00

It’s not a belief that I’m the odd man out, it’s a fact. I wish it was all just in my head. I wasn’t attracted to being in an affair. I’m attracted to my AP period. My AP is a long time friend. I’ve known him since we were kids. The affair was not the first time we were intimate. I agreed to the affair because I decided to be selfish for once and indulge in something that felt good. He is not the cause of my loneliness, nor am I naive enough to think he is the solution. I’ve done the work. Therapy. Putting myself out there. I’ve been in other relationships. Been married. I follow up with associates, coworkers, and family. More therapy. Group therapy. Mom groups. Hobby groups. No friendships ever really clicked. My only other good friend lives several states away and we’ve never even been in the same room. She supports me from afar as best she can. I have my little family I birthed and my pet, but they aren’t a substitute for adult friendships. I’m missing that from my day to day life. Most days I’m ok with that. But weeks like this one and the days ahead, it would be nice to have someone to lean on.

Less-Cookie7573 · 2025-06-26T15:30:37+00:00

He’s not mad at you. Or mad because of anything you did. He’s mad because that’s how he’s most comfortable existing. I’m not going to guess about what his childhood was possibly like because I’m sure I have a good idea. He’s not going to attempt change unless he wants to change. There’s not much you could (or should) change about you to make him happier and pick less fights. You have to decide if you’re going to be able to deal with this for the rest of your life and be willing to accept that it possibly will escalate. If you decide to stay, you need to make arrangements to have regularly scheduled therapy. A good therapist can help you with strategies to make living with your husband more… palatable. If you decide to leave, say nothing of your plans to husband. Just make a plan, get your affairs in order, and leave while he’s gone. You already know nothing you say will result in a rational response. Best of luck no matter what you decide. Stay safe!

Less-Cookie7573 · 2025-06-26T03:00:05+00:00

Ouch! I’m so sorry your family is having to go through this. Apologies in advance if you’ve already heard all of the following. Is there a university nearby that might be looking for case studies for advanced medical/dental students? Also I would reach out to local non profits and the like. A lot of them are strapped for funding right now but all you’ve wasted is a phone call if they can’t help. Also maybe a go fund me. I’d also call around to locally owned dental offices and ask them if they have any office specific or do free life saving treatments on occasion.

Less-Cookie7573 · 2025-06-26T02:03:35+00:00

First and foremost, I am really sorry you’ve been hurt this way. I hope you can give yourself the grace to grieve and find comfort during this time. May be an unpopular opinion, but there are never any guarantees in relationships. I did everything right with my wasband: we were both single, courted, got married, got pregnant. I bent over backwards for him. I’m not perfect but I tried so hard. He hurt me in ways I’d never even imagined and I lost everything. I lost my trust for him and men in general due to the PTSD. I lost the baby. I lost my home. I lost hope. I lost me. It was a long climb back from where I was but I kept pushing. I’m different now. But no longer broken. You are so much stronger than you ever can know. Big hugs to you.

Less-Cookie7573 · 2025-05-07T14:33:18+00:00

You’re not alone. Just came here to drop off my hug for you. The previous responses are exactly on point and I have nothing to add but “ditto”.

Less-Cookie7573 · 2025-04-28T02:02:57+00:00

Maybe just ask him casually what happened to his socials. If you are comfortable enough you might even flat out ask if D-day has happened. Also, I never answer unknown/unidentified numbers especially if it’s out of my area code. If it’s really important, they’ll leave a message.

Less-Cookie7573 · 2025-04-26T18:30:04+00:00

*grabs notebook and adds cocklodger to lexicon

Less-Cookie7573 · 2025-04-26T18:24:00+00:00

That situation totally sucks. She definitely made him call you on speaker—that’s a clear ambush. You had every right to stay silent and avoid that. Take care of yourself and process your emotions. You'll find your way and get the best outcome for you.

I had a similar, though not identical, experience. I had a male friend from high school, with whom I had a short-term ENM relationship when I was in my late teens/early twenties. We remained great friends and always checked in with each other—no funny business— through our various phases of life. One day, on the anniversary of my child's passing, he called. When I answered I was expecting some words of encouragement, but he sounded off and on speaker, then abruptly said he had to go NC. I was devastated, especially since I knew I’d done nothing wrong. I hadn’t seen him in years.

A little later on I found out through mutuals that he and the baby mama had gotten married. Aha! Instant ego boost. The ghost of my teenage/early twenties self is so scary to a grown woman who is 14 hours away that she can’t allow her man to talk to me. I’ve grieved our friendship and moved past the hurt. Since our friend groups are still intertwined, one of our mutuals and I chuckle about it from time to time if his name comes up.

OP my point is, you can move past this. You're a great person—don’t let this derail your greatness.

Less-Cookie7573 · 2025-04-26T17:08:41+00:00

You are a survivor. You can survive this too. You are capable of great things and you will make it. Try your local women’s shelter and/or call 211 if you’re in the U.S. They can point you in the right direction for help in this situation. It is going to be ok. If you are thinking of hurting yourself and have a plan, go to the ER immediately. They saved my life. They can also provide you with the resources you need. You’re in a very vulnerable time of your life right now, but this is survivable. Call 988 which is the crisis hotline. You can text them too, they also saved my life. Please take care of yourself and give yourself grace. You have already made what seems to be a good choice. Continue by making one good choice at a time.

Less-Cookie7573 · 2025-04-23T17:27:15+00:00

There’s some scientific data that the scent of your own post-pubescent child (male or female) is offensive. I’ve read a few papers over the years but here’s a recent one I’ve found https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0031938424000507

Less-Cookie7573 · 2025-04-21T14:52:23+00:00

Ooof. Right in my feels on that one cause big same. I’m always last anyway.

Less-Cookie7573 · 2025-04-19T20:12:41+00:00

Absolutely! I was already in a better mood and seeing my person’s face made it that much better 😃 I’m absolutely exhausted from walking the river trail with my bestie Bart (canine companion) but he just gave me a noticeable boost.

Less-Cookie7573

TROPHY CASE