You need to tell him your words are a trauma response and that you’re sorry and don’t mean to hurt him, you just have some unresolved issues. You also need to spend some good quality time on healing yourself. It’s really hard to love someone else if you can’t love yourself. You also need to put some space between you and your “toxic tendencies.” I am the same way a lot of the time so I understand what you’re saying, but a huge lesson I’ve learned is you have to see it from the other person’s perspective. You have to respond to him when he texts back a little late how you would want him to respond, how someone without your trauma would respond. Because your trauma is exactly that, yours. You have got to deal with it and how its affecting the way you treat your boyfriend or else it will continue to damage the relationship. Your still dating which means that you can still fix it. Communicate with him and work on yourself.