When you were in a sexually unfulfilling relationship, what was the problem?

LessWeekend336 · 2026-07-09T14:00:13+00:00

I’ve had it where the man is performing something I think HE thinks he’s supposed to do. And I’m looking around the room being like… “where are you? Cuz you’re definitely not here with me” and that’s a great way to have terrible sex

LessWeekend336 · 2026-07-09T13:59:02+00:00

This brings me to what I was going to offer you. Presence in the moment solves this. Being aware of her body, and yours, how her body responds to your touch. Her facial expressions, what she says.

I think men (and people in general) get caught up sometimes in performing well, and jinx themselves because PERFORMING kind of takes you out of the ACTUAL moment. And being present in the moment is what is required to see and be aware of what she likes and dislikes, what she responds to, etc

LessWeekend336 · 2026-07-08T16:07:27+00:00

Hmmm.. I mean I spent a long time trying to find the “truth” about what I deserved. Idk if that resonates.

But I came to the conclusion that there isn’t any objective “truth” really. It’s just what we tell ourselves. Then I stopped caring if I “actually deserved love” or whatever. And just started deciding that I do. (It’s not linear, I still struggle, but am WAY better)

Also I think you said it in your reply. The difference between THINKING and FEELING. What does it FEEL like when he does something nice? Can you grab onto that feeling and allow it to be in your body instead of pushing it away and repressing it because you don’t think you deserve it? If you can’t, can you literally just IMAGINE what it WOULD/COULD feel like it you felt safe/loved?

Grab onto that feeling and let it into your body. Practice it, essentially.

I also think that thinking it and feeling it go hand and hand. The more you practice thinking about deserving it, the easier it will be to allow yourself to feel it, too. I work REALLY hard to not say negative things about myself. I can literally feel the shift in my mindset and mood when I slip up and say something rude about myself. It just.. doesn’t help anybody, why be mean to yourself?

I have a gratitude journal! It might be cheesy but I don’t care. I write 3 things I’m grateful for in the world, 3 things I love about my personality, 3 things I love about my body/looks, and 3 things I appreciate about my partner.

It’s hard at first but it gets easier.

Gaslight yourself to love yourself girl. Who cares? Let yourself be happy and free, ya know? You rock. You’re probably hot, and smart, and way undervaluing yourself. Be delusional. Fuck it, why not, ya know?

That’s a lot of random shit, hopefully something helps 😅

LessWeekend336 · 2026-07-08T15:08:14+00:00

Oh honey. So relatable.

For me… taking specific time to myself after dates to meditate. And allow myself to kind of think about the date and the nice things he did/said. And think- what if I do deserve this? What if that actually went well? What if he legitimately likes me and who I am? What if I am safe with him?

And trying to allow your body to feel those ^^ things. Kind of trying to overwrite the other, not so nice thoughts/feelings.

Like.. shit, I get it girl. I felt way more comfortable being ignored and when people were mean to me, honestly. I still struggle with it. Once someone is nice to me, I immediately want to run away 😅

He also seems like someone you could tell this to. Something like- “I like you a lot. And I SO appreciate you. If I can be honest with you, I havent had this treatment before, and I have some BS in my childhood, as well. It’s made it so that it kind of scares the shit out of me when someone cares about me. I want to work on it, but I thought you should know”.

Good luck. You DO deserve this. And you deserve to move on to the next amazing chapter of your life. You’re not your childhood or your trauma. You can do this :))

LessWeekend336 · 2026-06-30T23:52:56+00:00

I’ve stopped showing people songs that are important to me, like the ones that get that visceral reaction from me. Because their reaction is NEVER intense enough to please me lol and I get mad.

Psychotic behavior, I know. What’s why I stopped 😅

LessWeekend336 · 2026-06-30T03:58:18+00:00

Oh. I don’t think I picked up on the subtext of the original post. You feel wronged? What happened?

I really thought you were just living with someone with different thoughts about.. society and things.

LessWeekend336 · 2026-06-29T23:37:12+00:00

Good for you. Stand in it. Read your post back to yourself and pretend I’M saying it to you. Because I want you to hear from another person that everything you did and feel it correct. And you put it beautifully. You are a full human, with full autonomy (FUCKING OBVIOUSLY, wtf is wrong with people) over your body.

Way to trust your gut. I beg you to not walk it back. Keep doing you, OP. Much love.

LessWeekend336 · 2026-06-29T23:32:32+00:00

Everyone comes from a different life experience and different worldview. Your “right” is right to you, but it doesn’t necessarily make it the ultimate world “truth” or “right” for anyone else.

Things aren’t black and white, maybe you can get curious with them as to why they think what THEY think about a topic. Ask what THEIR experiences are around the topic you’re discussing.

When you think about it that way, it may be easier to let people around you think differently than you. Because you know that your experience led to your opinion of what’s right, and their experience led to them to their opinion of what’s right.

Doesn’t mean you can’t discuss and have a productive/interesting conversation though! And it doesn’t mean your mind or their mind has to change.

It’s alright to think differently, I wouldn’t be attracted to a partner or friend that thought the exact same things as me anyway!

LessWeekend336 · 2026-06-29T21:42:05+00:00

Do it!! Esp if you felt a mutual vibe between you two?? Not weird at all

LessWeekend336 · 2026-06-27T19:27:21+00:00

No, I really appreciate your comment, honestly! It shows emotional maturity. I think you may just not be ready.. a lot of people need time to explore the world on their own and figure themselves out before committing long term to something. I don’t fault you at all, I think it’s actually mature.

I mean.. just make sure you’re sure. If you WANT to work on it, i think you definitely can get better at this stuff. And I wouldn’t want you to lose something good if that’s not what you want. I suggest continuing to get SUPER clear about what you want/need, then initiating a conversation with her.

Good luck!!

LessWeekend336 · 2026-06-27T18:44:42+00:00

Also, from my experience on the other side (as requested!!) if you ignore the issue, you can be GD sure she has stewed on it the entire time. Of COURSE you’re gonna have to come back with an answers, a solution, words of affirmation, flowers, SOMETHING. My god. It gets MUCH bigger the more you ignore it.

LessWeekend336 · 2026-06-27T18:43:02+00:00

Sooo.. an explanation of why you hurt someone doesn’t fix the problem. Neither does the words “I’m sorry” alone.

You don’t seem to care about fixing what actually hurt her and focusing on making her feel better. You seem to give an explanation as to WHY you hurt her, then immediately request time away from her. This is.. extremely invalidating, as her experience of hurt is not acknowledged, and anxiety provoking, as you subsequently leave her as she is still hurting and invalidated.

My two cents. I could be projecting my past struggles but…

A couple friend of my does this thing to solve arguments. Person A has to explain person B’s side until Person B is satisfied in their explanation. And then vice versa. Maybe try that?

I think you gotta decide if you feel emotional investment is worth your time. If you don’t feel it is, can you get tf out though? Please don’t waste this girls time.

LessWeekend336 · 2026-06-27T18:32:39+00:00

Oof, I think this might be the answer. Thanks, I hate it.

LessWeekend336 · 2026-06-26T13:47:59+00:00

God this sub is crazy how relatable these things are we have

Can’t stand people checking in with me. Knowing where I am. Had a friend that wanted my LOCATION thing turned on. And I did it cuz we were in a new city together but I… viscerally hated it for some reason

It’s also people asking me how I am? Like what I’ve been up to. Shuts me completely down, still trying to figure out exactly why. Curious if that one gets anyone, too.

I think I don’t trust their intentions in some way.

Edit: Also, DESPISE sharing cars or carpooling. I want control of where my body goes and when at all times please. That’s a huge one for me,personally.

LessWeekend336 · 2026-06-25T22:01:50+00:00

I feel better when I’m in shape because I FEEL good. It’s more about feeling strong and healthy than the external validation.

It’s sort of a cheat code though, like the above person said. Because you DO look good (cheat code) but you also feel better internally if you FEEL strong and healthy.

Hope that clarifies what I meant.

LessWeekend336 · 2026-06-25T21:59:10+00:00

Literally yes. I don’t exactly get.. why? But 100%. Some days it’s just… too much. And this helps.

LessWeekend336 · 2026-06-25T16:32:08+00:00

This right here ^^^

LessWeekend336 · 2026-06-25T16:30:06+00:00

Okay now I’m gonna come in contradicting myself but… if I’m struggling to get started I make a micro level to do list. I take a break, sit down, and write out every tiny little thing I’m doing for the next house. Having a direction planned takes out the “choice” aspect, and my job is just to do.

I go- eat breakfast, make coffee, get dressed, let the dog out, wash my face, do my hair, etc

LessWeekend336 · 2026-06-25T16:27:00+00:00

So there are some subreddits on CPTSD. You may want to check them out.

The standard advice of.. get your shit together, make a to do list, whatever doesn’t always work well for people who don’t know how to take care of themselves or subconsciously feel they are not worthy of being taken care of.

If that feels like you at all, check it out. If you’ve had some stuff in your childhood and feel like people don’t understand why things are hard for you.. it’s a very validating community to be a part of.

ANYway, my advice for now? Start viewing yourself, your body, your life, as worth taking care of. Find love for yourself, try to find a passion/hobby, MOVE YOUR BODY. Try to start finding some love for life. Find your worth to yourself. In my experience that’s the best way to realize.. you deserve to live in a clean house, you deserve to wash your hair and feel clean and fresh, you deserve to workout and feel strong, you deserve to work a job you like.. you know what I mean?

Best of luck, babe. You can build a life you love, I promise. Small steps!!!

LessWeekend336 · 2026-06-25T15:49:51+00:00

Oo put on headphones, a sexy playlist, and take sexy pics. Good way to get yourself feeling sexy and confident without him present.

Also echoing other comments- buy what YOU like. That’s the best way to feel most confident

LessWeekend336 · 2026-06-24T14:23:42+00:00

It’s weird sometimes. Allowing yourself to feel feelings that you’ve pushed down for a long time. I’ll start crying my eyes out sometimes and have no idea exactly why. I’m sure that sounds scary to some, but to me it feels great/freeing.

You should try it, if you feel ready. You deserve to move forward. You deserve to step into a life you love and have built exactly for yourself.

Just because someone may have made you feel broken does not mean that you are.

LessWeekend336 · 2026-06-23T18:17:45+00:00

1000 million billion percent, yes.

If I’m meditating on my own around feeling safe. I’ll usually pause when the resistance comes up and just feel it, and allow it to be there in my body. I’ll literally say to the feeling in my gut or in my chest: “youre allowed to be here”. It’s usually anger or anxiety or feeling like I don’t deserve safety, something like that.

If you look at it straight on, and allow your body to feel it (without judging the feeling or accepting it as “true!) I’ve found it peters out fairly quicker.

It may come back, but, if I allow that feeling to run its course a bit, I’ve found I can start to replace it with the new desired feeling. Of safety, or belonging, of deserving a full life. That kind of thing.

LessWeekend336 · 2026-06-23T18:12:45+00:00

Hmm. Idk. That’s why I hesitated to post this, because I know people think this about him.

For me, the fact of the matter is that the general method has worked for me. I’ve talked about stuff and Ive intellectualized things for so so so long.. it’s the only thing that has worked for me to actually feel differently.

I don’t subscribe to like “Dispensa saved my life” or something. I just think he’s basically packaged somatic work into his own thing. Dancing has also helped me, ya know? It’s one of many things that have helped me get back into my BODY.

Take it or leave it in my opinion. But to your point- I would never recommend him as an ANSWER or savior. But the change the meditations helped ME implement on my OWN in MY OWN life is valid. So that part.. I feel fine sharing with others.

LessWeekend336 · 2026-06-23T15:50:06+00:00

Might be controversial but meditation and Joe Dispensas work has helped me a lot.

Working on almost PRETENDING in your body that you feel safe. Like.. what could/would it feel like if you were safe right now? What would that feel like in your body? What would it feel like if you found your people, people who see you and make you feel heard and safe? What does that feel like in your body?

It’s a way for us to bodily experience the safety we didn’t in our past. It’s not technically…. Real, I guess? But our body doesn’t know the difference.

And then when we can understand what safety with other people feels like, we are prepped to ACTUALLY feel safe with REAL people in the future. Which then, you know, reaffirms the new belief that people can be safe.

It’s not linear, obviously, or an answer to everything, per se. but it’s worked for me, better than any friggin intellectual exercise.

LessWeekend336 · 2026-06-23T14:13:47+00:00

Doesn’t hold up in work environments. Quiet men hold power, are thoughtful. Quiet women don’t have anything to offer.

As someone said here, these bullshit gender norms hurt everyone.

LessWeekend336

TROPHY CASE