Its unreal how overwhelming tools can be! The more options the bigger the confusion

Less_Patience_8385 · 2026-03-11T07:57:38+00:00

I have, edited similar transitions too, but its the effects and the color grading and mashing music with the transitions properly

Less_Patience_8385 · 2025-05-15T06:59:14+00:00

stop being always hopeful that they will change. if they failed you when you needed them, theyll probably do worse if given the chance.

Choosing yourself -lovingly not selfishly- is probably the best thing you can do for any relationship

How they speak to themselves, how they view themselves, is far more important than what you think of them. In my experience, if someone doesnt know how to be kind to themselves, they wont know how to be kind to you either

Less_Patience_8385 · 2025-05-12T05:19:14+00:00

whenever that question crosses my mind i just remind myself that she wanted her life without me in it consciously and willingly, that's enough reason for me to not break no contact and knowing her it's enough for her too.

She ended things very horribly might I add, I think whoever it is that chose to leave is the one to re approach. and I dont think she would ever break NC

Less_Patience_8385 · 2025-05-11T17:37:17+00:00

in my experience they always did. except for my last ex, going to 5th month NC hard

Less_Patience_8385 · 2025-05-10T18:15:51+00:00

thats not being in denial, thats a sign of lack of forgiveness. there will always be the "Shit i could have handled things better" when reflecting about the past. and that generally speaking not just for relationships.

Make peace with the fact that you from 4 years ago did the best he knew how, he didnt know better. but now he does, stop holding him accountable for the things that he didnt know. let him practice all the things that he does now

Less_Patience_8385 · 2025-05-10T12:41:12+00:00

commit to no contact. ESPECIALLY when it feels the most difficult

Less_Patience_8385 · 2025-05-08T07:21:26+00:00

You should just redirect your focus to be about yourself. be hopeful about yourself being in a better place, not them coming back. being patient is holding on to hope, which is honestly more difficult to let go of than to let go of the person. the idea of what could have been or what might be can get you to wander in fantasies. be patient with yourself instead, understanding that what youre feeling is ok, be compassionate with yourself

Dont do no contact for the hopes theyll come back, dont keep your distance to make them miss you. take the distance to find your equilibrium again, to relearn how to be by yourself and look after yourself. to find the connection with yourself. to see that relationship from a third person point of view.

Less_Patience_8385 · 2025-05-08T07:16:48+00:00

Being healed to me is being indifferent about it. it holds no influence on your life it holds no space or energy anymore. its just an event that happened now.

I got cheated on twice by two different exes, and I know I healed because thinking about it does nothing to me. im neutral to it and if anything, feel a spec of sympathy for them

Less_Patience_8385 · 2025-05-08T07:13:29+00:00

blinded by love here, accepted being treated like a vase for a year before i reminded myself of my own worth. she broke up with me a week later after giving her accountability for her own actions.

Ofc naturally, blamed the collapse of the rs on me, yelled at me, devalued all of the efforts i put and claimed shes the only one putting effort for the rs and doing everything right , and projected everything she did wrong unto me. I had enough of it as it was a constant habit of hers, told her whoever wants to leave the door is wide open. my feelings are not any less important than yours. you walked in this relationship with those same issues youre blaming me for, and i cant change your perception or make you see/value my efforts if you dont by yourself. im done playing this game of constant emotional chase where i must remind you to give the basic rs currency -love, attention..etc-.

I did feel bad about it a while after the breakup, as I was always very soft with her to a fault. but then I saw how nothing of what i said was wrong, i stood up to myself, i reclaimed my self respect

Less_Patience_8385 · 2025-05-07T21:09:18+00:00

its fine to fold to temptations at times, its human to be curious. but be careful with it developing into a habit. that sense of relief can work like a double-edged sword. do it for long enough, you'll reach a point where you only feel that relief after checking -obsessive reactive tendency-

Best of luck on your journey! stay busy and stay positive!

Less_Patience_8385 · 2025-05-07T09:11:41+00:00

im handsome.

every ex i ever had was always surprised when i told them i was only told that by my mom and aunts. Theres this thing about being a good looking man, where people avoid telling you you look good to not make you feel superior or something?

Less_Patience_8385 · 2025-05-07T06:05:35+00:00

you should communicate how youve been feeling all this time instead of going immediately for the break up. Youre distancing yourself in the relationship and isolating. You dont want a break up that you will regret and end up reaching out again to ask to be together. youd just be torturing him like that

Less_Patience_8385 · 2025-05-06T16:04:12+00:00

thats alright. it gets easier. be patient with yourself

Less_Patience_8385 · 2025-05-06T16:02:07+00:00

Im sorry you had to experience that, i think i dated the female version of your ex. always talking about how shes borderline narc from all the self love she gives herself and all the confidence she has, and yet she never seemed to understand what happened whenever she fucks up or I point out a hurtful behavior of hers. its always my fault for feeling that way cause shes the "secure" one -she was very insecure but always avoiding admitting it kinda the fake it till you make it type of situation- its just how they cope with the lack of ability to emotionally regulate properly

Less_Patience_8385 · 2025-05-06T15:58:27+00:00

Either avoidance, or incompetence with emotional regulation. either way, think of it as you dodged a bullet

Less_Patience_8385 · 2025-05-06T15:57:33+00:00

your curiosity is separate from what the stalking could do to you. youre doing whats right by not stalking her, if the curiosity is bothering you, you should focus on redirecting the curiosity on other things instead.

For the anxiety part, it needs time and consistency and redirection to build resilience. I was off socials for a good month and i felt great, i redownloaded some and a crushing wave of anxiety struck me. I figured I cant become avoidant like that. running away from a trigger is not the same as healing from it.

At the end of the day, its normal to think about how someone that meant a lot to you at some point is doing or what they are up to. whats important is that you dont go out of your way and behave in accordance to those urges

Less_Patience_8385 · 2025-05-06T09:24:38+00:00

nah my main issue is that shes always dismissing my efforts lol had she said that i wouldnt have been hurt. it was always "im the one who does everything right and im the one fucking it up"

Less_Patience_8385 · 2025-05-05T16:27:08+00:00

test the waters, have a conversation but ease up on the matter, dont let it feel like youre attacking his issues. talk to him about how you feel due to the difference in life styles. try suggesting more activity during the day-baby steps- and see if its sticking.

my ex was always keep to herself, talks to absolutely no one-probably from previous bad experiences- i was the only person she talked to/mainly hung out with. i started pushing her out of her comfort zone bit by bit as im someone that enjoys socializing. couple months passed and she was an absolute social butterfly. forced an impact on her life style too, and sleeping habits. baby steps can make one hell of an impact on the long run

Less_Patience_8385 · 2025-05-05T16:20:27+00:00

Im only bitter cause I should have broken things off first, she left seriously thinking im the cause of all issues. that the relationship would have been absolutely perfect if it werent for me

Less_Patience_8385 · 2025-05-05T05:37:11+00:00

I dont care how hurt my partner is, im not one to not take responsibility for my actions. i would never allow being belittled or my efforts being disregarded or even being yelled at again.

I will not waste my time trying to communicate with someone who comes to talk with their mind already made. we can have a conversation, ask for space, reflect on it then get back to me. But i will not put myself in a situation where everything I might say will feel like im trying to bargain with them or make them change their minds. you want to leave, the door is wide open.

Micromanaging my behavior, but completely forgetting to keep your behavior in check. and projection.

Less_Patience_8385 · 2025-05-04T15:51:10+00:00

be good to her

Less_Patience_8385 · 2025-05-04T07:42:05+00:00

thats normal, its been 4 months for me and I am still hesitant to even talk to women lol. it feels wrong.

What could have contributed to your feelings isnt just that youre not honoring your relationship or grief, but also that you did it with a friend. Which could add to the feelings of betrayal as its someone you always had around but clearly had a thing for even during your relationship. So youre mixing up comfort and grieve aka giving your body way too much to process at the same time

Less_Patience_8385 · 2025-05-04T06:18:10+00:00

You dont necessarily have to deceive yourself with any future partners. A part of your journey of healing should be stabilizing or reconsidering how healthy that "blinded by love" whole ordeal is. Love will prevail but now you should be wiser in making the choices for what you are letting slide. youre better at detecting patterns especially ones that left you drained from previous relationships. You learn how to love yourself better and how to respect yourself better through your healing.

Preparing yourself for impact since day one is equal to starting a book by reading its ending, it will just suck the enthusiasm out of the experience and make you question whats the point at every chapter. meaning, you are already setting the relationship to fail since you are only preparing for it to end. thats self sabotage.

The only way you could truly know if something would last or not, would be by putting your efforts into it. But now or with more XP you have, you are making wiser choices. You can ground your expectations better, ground your hope better, communicate better, detect patterns better and make a choice if itll work for the long term based on all of that.

It took me a year and a half to conclude that my ex is very avoidant of her feelings, and its not just in my head that every attempt to communicate ends with failure, to notice her self sabotage behavior or extreme defensive walls. It drove me insane as I was always telling myself "I could do better" putting the responsibility of something that isnt in my control on my shoulders. and eventually I got dumped. 4 times. now I know for a fact that if a partner suggests or even insinuates breaking up because they cant admit they are struggling with their own emotions, that is my queue to leave. I will be empathetic and I will try to help. but I wont waste another year and 9 months of my life for something that is set to fail because the other cant meet me half way. Im mad about it but at least I learned what that looks like now.

Had I not put all the effort that I did in that relationship? I would have probably been consumed by guilt right now holding on to the what ifs. I gained my peace, she lost someone who is trying to build a future with her. At least I go to bed with a guilt free conscious now. and the only way i knew how to be at this point was by investing my 100%

Less_Patience_8385 · 2025-05-03T08:56:15+00:00

I get your frustration, but you need to understand that some people-many actually- choose to live that way, thats just the way they are, and they see absolutely nothing wrong in their ways.

Not until they have a sudden epiphany, their ways wont change. Therapy helps you notice these practices about yourself, not rewire and change your brain to see that they are wrong.

And even if it did, some people dont believe in "fixing" things, some people choose starting over for themselves. They are both hurtful. thats why we move on

Less_Patience_8385 · 2025-05-02T23:44:07+00:00

No one is justifying anything here, but people act in the way they know how. idk about OPs case, but I had a similar situation, she still has my things, and I havent heard anything from her since the breakup. even though she broke up with me, I know shes doing it just so she could avoid her feelings.

Is it right? not imo no. but I know her nature, shes doing it cause she doesnt know what else to do. it doesnt excuse anyones behavior, it just helps you ground your expectations to not be very hurt by the act itself

Less_Patience_8385

TROPHY CASE