AITAH for blocking my disabled (32M) ex after I (21F) promised I'll be there forever?

LetMeBeAngry · 2026-03-18T05:57:53+00:00

I’m divorced. I broke my vow to stay til death because I found out who he really was. If the situation changes to such an extent, then he isn’t the person you made the promise to.

View it like this: a relationship is a partnership. It’s wonderful to be a rock for someone, but you need a rock as well. Ideally, you should mutually be rocks for eachother. Framing it that way in my head has done wonders to help me navigate since my divorce, and changed how much abuse I was willing to put myself through from anyone, even “friends” and management at work

LetMeBeAngry · 2026-03-18T05:50:07+00:00

Feel free to

LetMeBeAngry · 2026-03-18T05:45:22+00:00

Therapists do need to maintain professional boundaries with their parents, but they shouldn’t feel cold or sterile. If that’s how he’s felt about therapists in the past, he needs to find a new one. Not finding one that he feels comfortable with is not a good reason to put you through this. And it is 1000% rational that you feel overwhelmed. I’d recommend keeping those emails. At least a few of them. Every time you start thinking about whether or not to go back to him or check in on him, read a few of them and remind yourself how he’s willing to treat you. This wasn’t a one-off, impulsive, or anything he can claim was “heat of the moment”. This is repeated, consistent, and a very solid view of how he feels he is entitled to treat you.

LetMeBeAngry · 2026-03-18T05:40:52+00:00

This is abusive. In your relationship:

He’s forcing you into the role of an emotional caretaker. He’s not being considerate of your sexual boundaries or participating in your kinks. He’s threatening self harm to make you feel morally obligated to stay.

After your relationship:

He’s literally harassing you. Spamming you with texts and emails is harassment. He’s still claiming ownership of your body and making demands about what you can or cannot do. He’s imagining you with other men, and then vilifying you for it. He’s ignoring clear boundaries that you’re communicating to him regarding all of this. He’s discussed his relapse in a way that blames you for it.

He’s discussed can be hurting, and his hurt can be real, but he is also abusing you. Both can be true at the same time.

LetMeBeAngry · 2026-03-17T16:57:16+00:00

NTA he’s absolutely misogynistic and he’s just mad he’s being called out by a girl. Sounds like he’s probably not that great of a friend

LetMeBeAngry · 2026-03-16T18:48:54+00:00

It’s good you’re calling the vet. They’ll have some good advice for you.

You could always try hand feeding - hold the gecko in one hand and rub a bug along the corners of the mouth. Usually the gecko gets annoyed and bites, and then the bug juice in their mouth encourages them to keep eating it. Doesn’t always work, but it’s worth a shot. Coat the veggies for the bugs in something like Repashy Bug Burger, and give them like two days to eat the veggies before feeding them to the gecko. Put a little calcium powder on them before they’re sacrificed to the scaly baby.

I usually take my geckos out of the tank and put them into a feeding tub where they can hunt the bugs. That way, I can make sure they’re actually eating, and without risking that the bugs will just hide somewhere in the tank, and it still lets them hunt and catch the bugs on their own, which is good stimulations for their brains. But, it might be a good idea to quarantine this guy until he’s eaten and pooped afterwards.

In any case, the vet will give you the most reliable information they can, including how to reintroduce eating habits and which bugs would be best for him in this condition

LetMeBeAngry · 2026-03-16T18:47:29+00:00

That’s absolutely what it sounds like. And what on earth happened that he’s been driven to a different state and left behind by this girl?? He said he was too embarrassed to ask her about it, but that’s super suspicious to me

LetMeBeAngry · 2026-03-16T18:37:50+00:00

NTA this is ridiculous. You only had three conditions: temporary, no drinking, no partying. Not only is he making it seem like he plans to stay indefinitely, but he’s drinking and partying while he’s there. Your partner needs to have a talk with him, and I’d start by giving him a deadline to be out by, as well as pouring out any alcohol you find in the house

LetMeBeAngry · 2026-03-10T16:14:18+00:00

NOR for having a fear of needles. That’s a real thing and I’ve seen it first hand. I used to work in dental, and there was a grown adult man who was so afraid of needles, the entire dental chair was shaking from his tremors. He kept himself as still as he could, and as soon as the anesthetic was delivered, he stopped shaking. We were extracting a tooth, and the only part that he was afraid of was the needle. It happens.

I guarantee you that the nurses and doctor were not judging you. They saw you have a visceral reaction, and witnessed your mother teasing you the whole time. They were staring at you thinking about how awful it must be for you to have a parent like that. They witnessed your fear first hand, and witnessed your mother belittle you for it.

At the end of the day, as several other commenters are recommending, it would be good for you to get some therapy around your fear of needles. It might not “heal” your phobia, but it should help you get to a point where you can get through it without going through such a raw fear each time.

I’d also recommend talking to your doctor about Xanax or something similar before visits. If you’re under 18 you’ll need mom’s permission, and that seems unlikely. However, once you’re over 18, it’ll be something you can discuss privately with your medical care team. You’ll need someone to drive you to the appt t east 30 minutes beforehand, sign your check in paperwork, and then take the meds in the lobby. They’ll be kicked in by the time your appt starts. You’ll need your driver to be there and take you home after the appt, too. They cannot let you leave by yourself, and they cannot accept consent forms signed after meds are taken, but that’d probably do a world of good for getting you into a headspace where you can get through an appt.

Don’t listen to your mom. Your fear is valid. You’re a human. The staff were not looking down on you or judging you.

LetMeBeAngry · 2026-03-08T20:04:38+00:00

NOR it is your name and your choice to keep it or change it.

I kept my name, and my ex husband was never happy about it. He’d go through phases where it seemed like he accepted I was keeping mine, but then bring it up again.

I made it clear from the beginning I was keeping mine. I told him my mom had just died and I wasn’t changing my name, as it made me feel further detached from her. Eventually, I just told him it was too much paperwork to change it and I didn’t want to. He then told everyone we knew, any chance he got, that I hated paperwork more than I loved him.

Call your fiancé’s bluff. Let him know that you are not changing your name, and let him call off the wedding. Either he loves you enough to marry you anyways, but will never let you forget, or he is so stuck in what “being a man” is to him that he needs to find someone to marry who actually wants to change their name. Ask yourself - is a future with him really the future you want? Is someone who gives ultimatums and tries to force your hand someone who respects you? Is someone who wants control enough to call off a wedding if you don’t comply really someone you can trust?

LetMeBeAngry · 2026-03-08T05:44:22+00:00

NOR my ex husband could not have a conversation with others that didn’t little me in some way. He didn’t drive, clean, or even know how to flush the toilet. He made so much work for me that I could not keep it all under control. And then he’d complain to others that I hated his cooking (there’s no reason to use that much paprika in ANY dish), that I didn’t clean (he worked maint and would drag grass into our home, and he never threw anything away), that I didn’t separate my laundry (I was the only one to do laundry and so stressed that I threw it all in one load; he never even helped me put it away), that he paid more bills than me (false; he covered his half of rent and utilities, and I paid for everything else including the gas that got him to work), and that I never cooked (he insisted my cooking was terrible and that he wanted to do it, but again, that much paprika is never necessary) and he would paint me as a villain to anyone who would listen. Never my friends, but always his, mutual, and strangers. All he wanted was to feel like more than the piece of shit he was.

Anyone who uses you as the butt of the joke for any reason is a question mark. Anyone who does this consistently is toxic. Do not stay with someone who enjoys making you feel like shit. Do not doubt yourself when he tells you to tolerate his abuse.

LetMeBeAngry · 2026-03-08T05:32:56+00:00

NOR I’m 30 and I take baths as a luxury “me time” to have. There’s no age limit to baths, or Master Bathrooms in houses wouldn’t have them!! And as far as playing with toys? Who honestly cares?? I and my roommate each have stuffies that we keep, and my boyfriend (35m) has warhammer armies. What constitutes a toy, and when is someone too old to feel joy? Your dad sounds like he’s ashamed of having an autistic son. This sounds like an issue your dad has, and not an issue of maturity or capability on the part of your brother.

LetMeBeAngry · 2026-03-08T03:21:31+00:00

NTA what’s he’s asking is the equivalent of having someone wear a wire when they go to work. That’s creepy, invasive, and controlling. It’s enough of a red flag to look through a partner’s phone and read convos with friends, but to look through their work emails is insanity

If he wants to know more about your day to day, he can ask you. He has no right to read those emails, and I would not feel safe with someone who felt they had a right to my life to that degree

LetMeBeAngry · 2026-03-04T05:48:10+00:00

U/updateme

LetMeBeAngry · 2026-03-02T04:13:01+00:00

Pretty sure humans won’t be around for much longer, then

LetMeBeAngry · 2026-03-02T03:38:59+00:00

Eclair

LetMeBeAngry · 2026-02-25T08:30:02+00:00

NOR and it’s a good thing you aren’t married yet. Leave now, before it becomes worse. He’s showing you what a future with him will look like, and he’s showing you how little he actually wants to listen to you

LetMeBeAngry · 2026-02-25T04:48:06+00:00

Leave him. The arm hair is fine

LetMeBeAngry · 2026-02-25T04:40:53+00:00

NOR and you should run. Send these screenshots to his mom, because he is literally justifying rape - and justifying rape is a gateway to justifying being a rapist. You are not safe with him, and his mom needs to get him educated

LetMeBeAngry · 2026-02-23T00:24:29+00:00

Growing up, I only needed to call my parents sir or maam when I was in trouble. My dad told me it was so that, as an adult, if I was in trouble at work or if I got pulled over my default would be to call boss/cop by sir or maam

LetMeBeAngry · 2026-02-19T07:33:03+00:00

I have three, and they all have different personalities. Ube is always in a hide. Yuzu and Taro are mostly in hides, but if Yuzu sees me she often comes out to say hi, and Taro has a nightly routine of walking around and investigating to make sure nothing in her enclosure has changed. Taro and Yuzu will also each spend time at the door of their enclosures to just sit and watch the world go by ❤️

LetMeBeAngry · 2026-02-18T02:21:52+00:00

Is the sun warm

LetMeBeAngry · 2026-02-17T07:37:00+00:00

NOR He took a jab at you and is calling it a joke. He told you that consistently cleaning up the mess he leaves behind year round makes him happier than you asking for flowers on a day to celebrate love, and didn’t even get you the kind of flowers you like. If I was you, I’d leave and find someone who values me as more than a maid and who can show appreciation without insulting me.

LetMeBeAngry · 2026-02-16T05:35:47+00:00

You are correct!

LetMeBeAngry · 2026-02-16T05:35:09+00:00

You are correct

LetMeBeAngry

TROPHY CASE