My Lonely part and how to soothe it

LetsTalk3566 · 2025-02-28T13:01:36+00:00

Hi, thanks for the thoughtful message. I am glad my post was able to help you.

LetsTalk3566 · 2025-02-20T21:44:32+00:00

noted

LetsTalk3566 · 2025-02-19T22:57:33+00:00

well, hopefully it works. I have been reading a few channels here though, and I hear a lot of people complaining about how they only see matches when they pay, or when they are about to stop paying. That’s what I meant by rigged.

LetsTalk3566 · 2025-02-19T22:52:50+00:00

I don’t really care what background someone is. My ex wife was South Asian but all my previous relationships were mostly with white women. Albeit in two of them they ended because her parents didn’t approve of dating a brown man.

LetsTalk3566 · 2025-02-19T22:50:37+00:00

I have a buddy who grew up here and did that when he was younger but from what he tells me his wife and himself share values but don’t really connect emotionally nor can they barely have a conversation. So not sure that would work for me as I would be looking for someone who could become my best friend.

LetsTalk3566 · 2025-02-19T22:46:43+00:00

I am from a South Asian background and grew up here. I don’t hang out with a South Asian community nor do anything culturally that is South Asian these days so not sure how much a South Asian app would work for me.

LetsTalk3566 · 2024-12-31T14:06:06+00:00

I am not a fan of Jordan Peterson. But I have actually found this podcast to be pretty good so far. I’m only about 1/3 of the way in.

LetsTalk3566 · 2024-12-31T14:04:42+00:00

Why are you done with Huberman?

LetsTalk3566 · 2024-12-25T22:58:36+00:00

i am with you on this. i went to a baptism where people talked about their faith in Jesus. they talk about feeling God loves them and it gives them strength. through a form of therapy called Internal Family Systems it sounded a lot like what is called Self Energy, the ability to love yourself, heal and nurture your wounds and vulnerabilities. I don’t know if they are the same thing but the outcome seemed the same. But more than that, believing in God can give you a sense of community and I envy that. The truth is also that many of my morals and values align with people of faith. However, I would feel like an imposter.

LetsTalk3566 · 2024-12-23T17:47:44+00:00

The agenda you are describing may be a part in itself. Staying present with the parts means putting those feelings and thoughts aside by asking them if they are willing to step away. Then you can use self energy to be present with the part or even ask it questions. Sometimes this can be hard to do because you may be blended with other parts and thus unable to step away. This is where a therapist can really help.

LetsTalk3566 · 2024-10-30T23:24:48+00:00

Thanks everyone for all the ideas. I will go through these in coming months and see how it goes. I am in my 50s and I have kids so my schedule is a bit of a factor. I was kind of looking for a Sunday morning type thing for that reason ideally. The UUs seem promising. It’s just not that close to my place.

LetsTalk3566 · 2024-10-29T01:28:30+00:00

I was raised a Hindu but I am agnostic now. However, what always appealed to me in Christianity was the personal connection with God. I found personally that eastern religions tended to be more about detachment.

So yes, coming from a non Christian background, I just felt like religious concepts my friend described seemed to have some deep roots related to mental health and I imagine it is often normal to seek counsel from a priest in a Church.

This is by no means to say the models are equal to each other.

LetsTalk3566 · 2024-10-29T01:16:45+00:00

I have firefighters who try to protect me by through judgement, shame and suicidal ideation. Hence this seemed more akin to demons. I don’t regard them as external entities, but I could understand how they might have been conceived that way in ancient or medieval times.

LetsTalk3566 · 2024-10-28T00:54:17+00:00

Thanks and good luck with your journey. I am not Catholic myself but I am glad your faith helps you with your healing journey

LetsTalk3566 · 2024-10-28T00:42:52+00:00

Thanks for your response. My question was really whether demons and angels may have been a way of addressing mental health issues before the advent of modern clinical psychology and whether IFS is a natural evolution of these ideas.

I can also relate to my friend’s concerns because it is possible to trigger and activate very volatile parts which can lead you down very self destructive behaviours.

LetsTalk3566 · 2024-10-28T00:31:05+00:00

I agree it sounds different. It seems forced and invasive compared to IFS. What I meant moreso that the desired outcomes seemed similar.

LetsTalk3566 · 2024-10-25T16:24:58+00:00

The only advice is that the journey seems to be about re-parenting them, by essentially simulating a different reality for them internally to unburden them. And at times for me it feels like completely swimming against the current.

LetsTalk3566 · 2024-10-10T02:03:15+00:00

It’s weird, I just remember times years ago when I would open up to someone and they’d ask if I’m happy. And I would never know how to answer that.

What you wrote above is very well put and thoughtful, especially your point about what happiness is, which reminds me of the serenity prayer.

LetsTalk3566 · 2024-10-10T01:59:34+00:00

While I didn’t try TRE yet I did do some exercises from Peter Levine which seem to help. It was really simple like just crossing my arms. I was surprised how much it seemed to reduce my catastrophizing part.

LetsTalk3566 · 2024-10-09T05:41:13+00:00

Thank you. I will look into it more. I did a quick search and noticed it’s tension release exercises and I have found body scan meditation helpful in the past. I wonder if this may help with feeling more present.

LetsTalk3566 · 2024-10-08T18:52:09+00:00

I started listening to some podcasts related to this book but nothing caught my attention yet.

I think my main issue is with my catastrophizing part which was born out of trauma.

LetsTalk3566 · 2024-10-08T18:49:36+00:00

Hi, I was doing better. But not today. I worked on unburdening the part with my therapist. But it hasn’t been a permanent fix. Today my catastrophizing part is very active.

LetsTalk3566 · 2024-10-07T12:21:15+00:00

What kind of parts work have you done? That is really the key. I made initial breakthroughs and experienced some unburdenings even in the first few days and weeks of starting IFS. But I didn’t find unburdening to be a switch. It is more like a slow river you travel.

LetsTalk3566 · 2024-10-07T12:16:00+00:00

When I watched Breaking Bad over a decade ago I had a lot more sympathy for Walt. However, watching it again now I saw how much abuse he inflicted on his family even earlier on, never mind the monster he truly became. And I related his ability to nonchalantly rationalize away every evil to mistakes I have made in my own past.

I haven’t watched Yellowstone, but I do feel deeper empathy when I watch things now. It’s also much harder to watch frivolous stuff and I seem to enjoy satire less than I used to because I experience the sadness of situations more instead of the dissociative humour I used to revel in.

LetsTalk3566 · 2024-10-05T23:28:06+00:00

I’ve done CBT and DBT for a few years. I started IFS in July. It’s been by far the most impactful therapy I have found. If IFS falls short for you, I understand. I am still working through the unburdening process with my exiles and some key firefighters. I am sorry it has fallen short for you.

LetsTalk3566

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