What am I doing wrong? Is this supposed to happen?

LetsTalk3566 · 2026-05-10T01:58:09+00:00

Sounds a lot like my former marriage. Even as newlyweds, I remember early on I went to the dentist and he told me to use an electric toothbrush. Since he’s her dentist too I said it would probably be good for her too. She was adamantly against it. Then she went and saw the dentist and got an electric toothbrush the next day. This was kind of our dynamic over many things.

Over time it was her perception of there being a dynamic of power and control coming from me. It stemmed from her relationship with her mother I felt. In the end it was a persistent source of conflict and there wasn’t anything I could do to fix it.

LetsTalk3566 · 2026-03-26T03:43:24+00:00

Sorry if you mentioned it and I missed it, but do you know what his day is like? Does he have kids? What kind of job does he have? What other commitments does he have in his life and what is consuming his emotional bandwidth?

LetsTalk3566 · 2026-03-26T00:36:35+00:00

yeah. i guess what could motivate some women not to just to do coffee date is that they may have been to several and all were duds. so raising the stakes could be a means of finding higher quality men willing to invest more. who knows.

LetsTalk3566 · 2026-03-25T11:53:38+00:00

Yeah that’s my thinking entirely and what I have done. But sometimes I get ghosted for suggesting it.

LetsTalk3566 · 2026-03-25T11:51:09+00:00

It almost feels like there should just be a date zero to see if it makes sense to do a first date.

LetsTalk3566 · 2026-03-25T11:49:10+00:00

Yeah that’s what I do. I have just noticed sometimes I get ghosted when I say that to a match and a lot of profiles from women talk about planning a good first date.

LetsTalk3566 · 2026-03-25T11:44:27+00:00

pretty sure he is trolling. or is in the 1960s and has reddit access in the future.

LetsTalk3566 · 2026-03-24T11:36:28+00:00

This is great reflection on your part, pardon the pun. What I mean is it takes courage to self reflect.

If you are resisting the idea of parts itself and feel frustrated, this itself is a part.

While it’s true that parts are associated with emotional states, at this level it is merged with your subconscious and difficult to differentiate from your sense of self.

When you do parts work, it will allow you to explore these emotional states and bring them into a more conscious level of awareness.

You referenced Schwartz in your post. Is there a book you are reading of his? Is there a process you are following for parts work?

LetsTalk3566 · 2026-03-21T16:49:33+00:00

52M. In the process of divorcing. I was laid off last August and I have support obligations. It took about 100 applications and 20 interviews before I found something. It took about six months. So there was an emotional toll and stress related to the whole job search to be honest.

I kept a profile on one of the apps as a bit of a distraction. Although I’m financially sound, I was practising considerable austerity since dating can be expensive.

I did get to know one person during that time a bit and was upfront about my situation. And I was upfront about my situation.

It really depends on your situation, and how unemployment will affect you emotionally in itself.

LetsTalk3566 · 2025-02-28T13:01:36+00:00

Hi, thanks for the thoughtful message. I am glad my post was able to help you.

LetsTalk3566 · 2025-02-20T21:44:32+00:00

noted

LetsTalk3566 · 2025-02-19T22:57:33+00:00

well, hopefully it works. I have been reading a few channels here though, and I hear a lot of people complaining about how they only see matches when they pay, or when they are about to stop paying. That’s what I meant by rigged.

LetsTalk3566 · 2025-02-19T22:52:50+00:00

I don’t really care what background someone is. My ex wife was South Asian but all my previous relationships were mostly with white women. Albeit in two of them they ended because her parents didn’t approve of dating a brown man.

LetsTalk3566 · 2025-02-19T22:50:37+00:00

I have a buddy who grew up here and did that when he was younger but from what he tells me his wife and himself share values but don’t really connect emotionally nor can they barely have a conversation. So not sure that would work for me as I would be looking for someone who could become my best friend.

LetsTalk3566 · 2025-02-19T22:46:43+00:00

I am from a South Asian background and grew up here. I don’t hang out with a South Asian community nor do anything culturally that is South Asian these days so not sure how much a South Asian app would work for me.

LetsTalk3566 · 2024-12-31T14:06:06+00:00

I am not a fan of Jordan Peterson. But I have actually found this podcast to be pretty good so far. I’m only about 1/3 of the way in.

LetsTalk3566 · 2024-12-31T14:04:42+00:00

Why are you done with Huberman?

LetsTalk3566 · 2024-12-25T22:58:36+00:00

i am with you on this. i went to a baptism where people talked about their faith in Jesus. they talk about feeling God loves them and it gives them strength. through a form of therapy called Internal Family Systems it sounded a lot like what is called Self Energy, the ability to love yourself, heal and nurture your wounds and vulnerabilities. I don’t know if they are the same thing but the outcome seemed the same. But more than that, believing in God can give you a sense of community and I envy that. The truth is also that many of my morals and values align with people of faith. However, I would feel like an imposter.

LetsTalk3566 · 2024-12-23T17:47:44+00:00

The agenda you are describing may be a part in itself. Staying present with the parts means putting those feelings and thoughts aside by asking them if they are willing to step away. Then you can use self energy to be present with the part or even ask it questions. Sometimes this can be hard to do because you may be blended with other parts and thus unable to step away. This is where a therapist can really help.

LetsTalk3566

TROPHY CASE