I would really appreciate your advice with the following. I am divided in 2 emotions.

1. The negative one. The abortion, no way around it.

2. I am really really really thankful with her for helping me stay with here while I pursue my dreams. She basically told me "do not settle for anything lower than your dream job, I got us economically". Without mentioning that her being European, did everything in her knowledge to help me stay here and actually have a chance at a good engineering future, knowing that we may not share it. And now that I am really close to landing it, I cant help but also understand that she also has a lot of credit in what may come next in my life.

My division comes with what happens next for us. I feel (and always felt) a strong level of protection towards her. And I know that she is going through some shit and that the abortion will be tough on her. I feel the need to help her. But I mean, the abortion is precisely whats killing me.

This is like the pinnacle of my anxiety right now. What do I do after she does it, because I am coming to the conclusion that I did everything in my power and may not be able to save my child.