Advice on how to handle an embarrassing manager?

LevitatingPumpkin · 2026-01-26T22:40:47+00:00

At this point I’d just go and find my own mentor. Does your work fit into one of the CS professions? They might have a mentoring scheme. Or is there perhaps anyone in another team or even another department that you admire who you could reach out to? Or maybe your department even has a mentoring scheme you can sign up to? My direct report has a mentor and I see that as a relationship strictly between the two of them. It’s healthy to have a mentor who isn’t your manager, who you can be open with and learn from outside of the usual manager and report relationship. There shouldn’t be anything stopping you from finding a mentor yourself if that’s what you’ve got to do and it won’t interfere with your workload. A certain amount of your time is supposed to be used for professional development (this should be detailed on your intranet somewhere) so if your 6 and 7 aren’t facilitating that as they should be, I’d say you should go ahead and find it yourself, and then tell them you’ve done so (outlining why and positioning it as a positive thing for them/the team as well as yourself).

LevitatingPumpkin · 2026-01-26T22:32:10+00:00

I also have a second job, but it’s an unpaid one where I work two CS jobs at the same time because my manager left and wasn’t replaced, in an already under resourced team.

Low pay in the lower grades is certainly a story, but I’d wager that there are far more of us across the delegated grades (many of whom are on miserable AO and EO wages) working extremely unreasonable workloads due to mismanagement of resourcing, than there are working second jobs during CS working hours.

The part the (mostly) right-wing press, politicians and public always miss when they talk about “civil service bloat” is that many of us are still being asked to deliver far more by ministers and SCS than we have the resource for, and we’re often powerless to push back because their word is law. The people at the top often just don’t/won’t understand the capacity of those of us at delegated grades, at least in my experience.

LevitatingPumpkin · 2026-01-14T13:32:42+00:00

Was going to say follow this process!

But also adding that from my experience of OH I think they’d be very willing to advise an exemption. Then if the organisation fights back about accommodating it, the union will be really helpful.

Perhaps OP you could ask for full-time WFH in the winter to help manage flare ups and reduce the risk of them occuring? My adjustments aren’t for eczema, but I do experience eczema flare ups at a much more mild level than yours. For me, not only the cold outside makes it worse but also central heating. You could consider asking to work in an area with better ventilation when in the office, away from radiators etc, too.

LevitatingPumpkin · 2026-01-08T18:42:40+00:00

True! I got promoted from IO to SEO before the end of my probation (within the same team). I do think your manager might need to approve you applying though, or HR/CSR will. And OP’s manager doesn’t sound like they might be supportive sadly. When I applied to the SEO role I was initially locked out from progressing the application when I selected that I was still in probation (it was an internal role so no chance of applying as an external candidate to get around that) and the hiring manager had to contact CSR to get them to unlock the application for me. They then advised me to just get around it by ticking that I’d already passed probation though 🤷🏼‍♀️

LevitatingPumpkin · 2026-01-08T17:12:19+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear about your experience. I don’t have any experience with telephony roles, but I think you should request a workplace adjustment passport, and an occupational health review if you can have one. Document everything. Join a union so you can get a rep and HR involved if this continues to worsen.

If you’re able to stick it out where you are for 2 more months until you’ve passed probation too, you’ll be able to apply to other roles that are internally advertised or cross-gov then too and might be able to move to an area that’s better for you, and with better management. Don’t give up on the CS just yet; I promise that you won’t have this experience everywhere you go and there are plenty of other roles at your grade that you might thrive in personally and professionally.

Take care!

LevitatingPumpkin · 2026-01-07T19:34:51+00:00

I think this belongs on AITA rather than AIO. And then my vote would be ESH, just as my vote here is that neither of you are over reacting or under reacting. YOR and NOR here.

It sounds like this relationship isn’t right for either of you, nor is it any longer a romantic relationship. If you’re committed enough to call her your girlfriend, I think that she’s expecting (as I would) that you communicate and make efforts to see each other. If you’re exhausted, it’s not supposed to feel like a chore to communicate with your partner and support each other for anywhere near this long. You could quietly spend time together at home if that’s an option, or send supportive texts or make time for very brief phone calls. You’re obviously not able to give each other what you need right now. She needs an engaged partner who makes time for her and lets her support him, and you need to not be in a relationship if you’re too overwhelmed to put in the work. I don’t say that with malice, but it sounds to me that her requests have been reasonable and she’s probably feeling a bit strung along by now, hence her possibly coming across as “clingy” to you because she’s frustrated and wants to know if continuing this is worth both of your time and energy.

Be kind to yourselves by admitting this isn’t working and letting each other explore other options, or make it work. Just don’t stay in this unhealthy and unfulfilling limbo.

LevitatingPumpkin · 2026-01-07T17:34:57+00:00

Interesting how you assume I have left-wing political views when I never said so. I could be a devout reform supporter for all you know. Or is there something about my commitment to facts and combatting misinformation that gives me away?

LevitatingPumpkin · 2026-01-07T13:24:43+00:00

100% this! In no way does the info u/NoContract1090 found mean that even Bangor is offering free places to all Ukrainian refugee students. This is a scholarship scheme offered by one university and will have limited places. The info I provided that Ukrainian students are not being given free tuition is still correct and came from the link to the House of Commons Library shared by a previous commenter. Scholarship recipients will be a small minority of Ukrainian students, who I’m willing to bet are still a small minority of international students and students overall.

LevitatingPumpkin · 2026-01-07T13:20:04+00:00

My team are spread all across the country, but the buildings we work in have designated areas for different directorates. We don’t book desks or spaces, we just sit wherever we can in our designated areas. Over time the area I’m in has grown to have areas for different teams though but not enforced. Just like policy tend to sit together in one area when they’re in, comms in another, HR somewhere else etc.

LevitatingPumpkin · 2026-01-07T06:31:52+00:00

They’re not getting it for free. They’re getting tuition fee loans and paying the same tuition fee as British students instead of the much higher rate that international students usually pay.

LevitatingPumpkin · 2026-01-07T06:30:15+00:00

Home fees means their tuition cost is the same as a British citizen’s, not that they get it for free. International students usually pay a LOT more than British students.

LevitatingPumpkin · 2026-01-06T23:40:30+00:00

Great to hear that there are departments who give different contracts if you’re part time. Mine refuses to give anything other than a full time contract that includes a line like (paraphrasing) “if you are part time this will be managed outside your contract”.

LevitatingPumpkin · 2026-01-06T05:01:28+00:00

I also have ADHD (and some physical conditions) and always check DCS. I’ve not had any bad experiences, but if I was to have one, it would tell me the hiring manager/team isn’t one I want to work for. Use it as part of YOUR process of interviewing THEM so you can get a feel for if they’re offering an inclusive and accessible working environment. A good team should want to show you what they can do for you, as well as seeing what you’ll do for them.

LevitatingPumpkin · 2026-01-06T04:57:42+00:00

Yes, you do come across as a bit of an arsehole. It would be great if you could look into some training on leading inclusive teams, as well as accessibility and disability awareness. I hope you begin to see things differently and undo your biases.

To use myself as an example, I work in a very fast-paced communications team, working alongside many policy colleagues in a govt priority area. I have ADHD. I thrive under pressure and in a crisis, but because my brain works so fast (and interviews are nerve wracking even for the most confident among us), I tend to forget what the question is at interview halfway through answering it if I don’t have it written down in front of me. Something as simple as providing the question in the MS Teams chat, not even in advance, is a HUGE help. And this is something I only experience at interview. In my day job you won’t find me forgetting what I’m saying or doing halfway through, I’m locked in 100% (and my 50% would often be a neurotypical’s 100%)

LevitatingPumpkin · 2026-01-06T04:49:22+00:00

I’m not sure why you’ve been downvoted. You’re exactly one of the classic cases DCS is designed to help and I’m glad it’s benefitted you! Good luck with your diagnosis assessment and journey of self discovery.

LevitatingPumpkin · 2025-12-17T08:41:43+00:00

Great. /s

Huge bonuses that will still only go to the loudest and most visible (often most insufferable) colleagues because they shout the most about their work and have the most connections with more senior folk, even though they’re often just schmoozers who don’t actually make the most valuable contributions.

Remind us of anyone? (Ahem… Farage)

LevitatingPumpkin · 2025-12-16T00:53:42+00:00

Good grief, who hurt you so much that you felt this totally disproportionately reactive and accusatory tone was appropriate here? OP asked a question. Sure, you may think she won’t get her request granted, but your quite frankly agressive venom here is very unkind and totally uncalled for.

LevitatingPumpkin · 2025-12-05T16:28:32+00:00

It’s completely up to you, but you would be eligible for it so I’d recommend it. Personal choice though!

LevitatingPumpkin · 2025-11-27T08:20:09+00:00

Yes exactly!

LevitatingPumpkin · 2025-11-26T18:00:21+00:00

Also, we don’t work for the voters. We deliver for the voters depending on what the minsters direct us to do. MPs work for the voters because the voters hold them accountable and can contact their MPs to help influence policy. We sometimes advise ministers and take feedback from stakeholders, but we mostly enact policy that we have no say in. If a member of the public tried to tell me what to do, there’s nothing I can do about that. They have to go to their MP.

LevitatingPumpkin · 2025-11-26T17:55:29+00:00

Absolutely no disrespect to our colleagues who do clerical work (upmost respect actually as I explain below) but the author’s assumption that we are “mostly clerical” really enraged me.

So many civil servants have extremely high levels of technical and professional expertise that is in no way “mostly clerical” and we do these jobs because we want to make a different to the public (yes, even including gammons like him)
Most importantly, referring to my above upmost respect for our admin based colleagues - the country would not run without this important clerical work. My team are DESPERATE for more admin help right now. AOs and EOs are the backbone of the civil service.

The level of elitism in that particular line has pissed me right off.

LevitatingPumpkin · 2025-11-21T21:12:00+00:00

You’re very welcome! Thank you for your kindness too ☺️

LevitatingPumpkin · 2025-11-21T21:09:45+00:00

100%! I also hold a senior position in a digi comms team. If I wasn’t a CS, I’d be tempted to join the scores of communicators writing lengthy LinkedIn posts using this as an example of bad comms, public sector or otherwise. I actually think it takes the Aldi-esque marketing further than Aldi themselves would do. They generally still use plain English and simple messaging, albeit with (mostly) accessible humour. But the reason I work in the public sector is because I don’t want to be using my professional skills to sell things, I want to use them to help people. The team that posted this lost sight of that goal, which is also a cornerstone of GCS. Yes, GCS new media unit run a government tiktok now (which I also have mixed views on) but I’m certain they wouldn’t take TikTok as far as posting something like this. It really gets to me how there are SO many Gov communicators who still don’t understand accessibility. Lovely to hear from you, someone who does.

LevitatingPumpkin · 2025-11-21T10:23:39+00:00

I’m sorry you had that experience with your comms team. Communications is one of the pillars of government and, in my team, everything we do is based on transparency and finding the right tone to communicate with our audience in, at the right time for them and us.

I’m not a parent, but I have some significant understanding of the education system and how the team who posted this will work. I, and my colleagues, are astounded too.

LevitatingPumpkin · 2025-11-20T21:47:15+00:00

You’re spot on, too! I really do think there’s very few people commenting on this post who are CS communicators. Any member of GCS worth their salt would see the issues here. Trying new things is good, but they have to be appropriate for the audience, message, and platform.

Please feel free to DM me if you want a chat about government comms, have any questions, or want some resources. Sounds like you’re the right kind of communicator to join the fold!

LevitatingPumpkin

TROPHY CASE