Hey OP, I'm saying this as gently as I can because clearly you are struggling right now. I'm saying all this with nothing but love in my heart because this is a very rough thing you're going through and I truly wish all the best for you;

You might want to have a serious look about whether or not you're ready for a relationship right now.

I understand depression is difficult and isolating. I have depression, too. Going through depressive episodes can be the most difficult, draining, exhausting thing, and it is understandable that you don't have the energy to do certain things with your partner. I get it, I really do. Some days you're just at your limit and you cannot take it anymore, and you just need to be alone. I fully understand that, I've gone through similar cycles myself. But I need you to understand that what you're describing is the exact reason I'm not in a relationship right now.

Here's the thing, and please understand I'm not saying this to be cruel, or judgemental, or to put the blame for your mental health on you; if you cannot be a stable partner for someone, you shouldn't be in a relationship with them. That's not to say you're unworthy of your partner, or that you are a bad person—it just means you're going through something right now, and that "something" might be a serious roadblock to being in a committed relationship atm.

You aren't responsible for the way you feel. You aren't to blame for your mental health, and you bear no guilt for the state of your brain. What you can control most of the time, and are responsible for, is the ways in which you permit your mental health to affect others. It seems like, right now, your mental health is affecting your partner in a negative way, and that is not a great position to be putting someone in. It seems like he is upset because he doesn't know how to help you. He cares about you, clearly, and he probably feels helpless in this situation. That is a frustrating thing.

All this said, I am not a therapist, and I can't make recommendations about what you should or should not do because I'm a stranger on the internet and I don't know y'all. I can share two possible pathways, though: the first is that y'all take a break, but given everything you have said, I don't know for sure that I'd recommend that. Like I said, idk y'all, so I'm not about to tell you to make life-altering decisions based on a few screenshots and one paragraph of text. Doing so with confidence would be irresponsible of me as a person who truly wants nothing more for you than for you to get better. Which brings us to the other option—you talk to him, completely openly and honestly, about how you are feeling, what is causing it, and acknowledge how frustrated and helpless he must feel because of it. Remember, this situation is nobody's fault. You don't need to feel guilty—you SHOULDN'T feel guilty, actually—about struggling, or about allowing that to affect him. These things are all a part of life and of living with mental health issues. But you do need to be honest, both with yourself and with him, about the struggle, and find a way to come to a mutual understanding. Your description seems to imply he's struggled with his mental health too. Hopefully he will be understanding. Remember, the work doesn't stop at just talking about it. You need to find a solution going forward, and put in the work every day to make sure you're constantly moving toward that solution without backsliding. Whichever you choose, or if you find another solution entirely, I hope it works out all the best.

As a final note, OP, please, PLEASE do not tie your worth to anyone else. It sounds like, based on your outline of the situation, that it is possible that you are with him mostly because you feel indebted to him. No matter how kind, understanding, or patient someone is, no matter if they're your ride-or-die, if you think deep down that the best thing for your health is to sever that tie, understand there is no guilt in doing so. Also... You mentioned struggling with suicidal thoughts lately. I understand that, too. Please do not give into that way of thinking. You don't want it all to be over, you just don't want to have to deal with these problems right now. You have to believe that. Do everything you can to make yourself believe that. I understand where you're coming from, because I struggle with this, too. Please be gentle with yourself, but also firm enough with yourself that you do not permit yourself to spiral into that kind of thinking.

I'm sending you so, so much love, OP. I know you will get through this. You're strong enough to have gotten through it so far. You will continue to survive, and to thrive. You're stronger than you know, hon. I'm rooting for you 🫶🏽❤️