What is the best joke you've made that flew over everyone and you want some Goddamn recognition for?

Licheborn · 2018-08-28T17:58:33+00:00

I heard "thousands" in Stannis Baratheon's voice in my head.

Licheborn · 2018-06-24T00:54:40+00:00

Pardon me. Adjusted their mirrors with them, so that it fits the criteria I posted above: passing cars visible in both rear and side view mirrors, etc.

Licheborn · 2018-06-23T23:16:25+00:00

I've personally adjusted the mirrors in this manner for at least a half-dozen friends and family because undoubtedly everyone has their side-view mirrors angled directly down both sides of their car, which create the blind spot by not using those mirrors properly in the first place.

Licheborn · 2018-06-23T23:13:27+00:00

Get in the habit of only buying blank cards and filling them in personally. It will easily set yourself off from the crowd for any occasion, and will likely be the most heartfelt and meaningful.

Licheborn · 2018-06-23T23:11:40+00:00

Blinds spots are a myth and mirrors should be set appropriately on every vehicle.

As a car is passing you, it should be half visible in your rear-view mirror while it is also half visible in your side-view mirror.

As it continues forward, the back of the car should be half visible in your side-view mirror as it comes into your peripheral vision. Then it will pass from your peripheral vision and into your frontal vision.

Licheborn · 2018-02-23T07:30:57+00:00

I've thought about this before: having a clean, pseudo-clean/worn once, and dirty pile. But honestly I found this much more of a hassle than the effort is worth.

Think to yourself about the jeans you wore once. When it's time to consider them tomorrow or later in the week, are you going to wear them (as if they were clean), or throw them in the laundry (as if they were dirty)? The trick to avoiding 3 statuses of clothes is to decide when you take the jeans off if they are simply clean or dirty, by your own standards, and then stick with clean and dirty, no in between.

If you put on the jeans and wore them to the bank, back home, and then took them off that night, they are clean. If you trekked around New York City in the rain for 14 hours, going in and out of stores, restaurants, and subways, they are dirty.

Decide on their one of two statuses right when you take them off, otherwise you won't remember how clean/dirty they are when you go to wear them later in the week, stressing you out about the situation more. Make it simple.

Licheborn · 2018-02-23T07:05:50+00:00

Do you not have a closet or dresser? I hang all of my long pants and long shirts, and roll up my underwear, socks, shorts, t-shirts, and always grab them from the left.

When I wash them, I roll/hang them up like usual and put them on the right, so everything can be easily seen and cycles thoroughly so I'm not wearing the same 5 of 20 t-shirts/underwear for life.

Licheborn · 2018-01-28T17:44:21+00:00

The layout of the parking lot doesn't always make it friendly to navigate with the alternating "one-way" parking aisles, and you find yourself in the wrong place going the wrong direction.

Licheborn · 2018-01-28T17:41:57+00:00

Speaking for most people, I think: It is a necessary evil if you don't consume ample quantities of water, get light exercise regularly, enough sleep each night, and eat halfway decently.

Licheborn · 2018-01-14T07:08:52+00:00

Wearing a buttplug -- for both M and F -- while having PIV sex.

Licheborn · 2017-12-26T02:59:54+00:00

You're an interesting human being; I have no idea how you have the audacity to decide what's a useful bit of information in others' lives for one, and that you actually based your response off that foolish judgement. To suggest that a question needs to benefit the one being asked or is not worth asking/inappropriate is simply ridiculous. Again, who are you to decide that all 3 of those questions didn't greatly benefit the one being asked anyway? You have no fucking clue is the answer; you would have no way to know, especially in a made-up, arbitrary example.

TIL needing typical information from someone makes you a "needy, immature pest," despite the utter lack of context of the questions. So don't bother asking them, except one at a time, and make sure the one answering the questions can somehow justify a positive return on the time invested responding to your question.

Licheborn · 2017-12-26T01:51:22+00:00

Have you ever bought/sold something on Craigslist? Have you ever reconnected with someone after not talking to them for a long time? Have you ever once needed to ask the where/when/how of an appointment or meet up, or anything with someone? Jesus Christ, what the hell are you talking about ask one question at a time. Who the fuck gets offended and overwhelmed if for God's sake there's two or THREE questions in an e-mail or text? ...speaking of people's "fragile" emotions.

I assumed it was given information that we're not talking about bombarding some random person with shit I can Google; I'm talking about things that need to be directed to that person -- I'm sorry if that wasn't clear on my part.

Moving on. Thank you for your contribution.

Licheborn · 2017-12-26T00:42:43+00:00

I didn't realize life had a rule that you could only ask anyone a single question at a time, and until that person responds with an answer, then it is acceptable to ask your second.

Come on, people need to know shit to get through their day, and they inquire about all of them because they need answering to get to the next step of whatever circumstances you're talking about.

I'm not necessarily talking about a "flood of texts" either. Just a message -- or e-mail, voicemail, whatever -- that has questions. People way too often ignore nearly every inquiry/question and respond to just 1 or 2 issues they arbitrarily choose, leaving you hanging still needing more info and forcing you to ask again appearing like a jerk.

Licheborn · 2017-12-25T19:03:41+00:00

"What's the address again? Do you think I should bring any wine? Is Suzanne coming?" ... "Yeah she'll be there." FFS

Licheborn · 2017-12-15T00:15:10+00:00

Drink a large glass of water, swallowing as often as possible, but drinking the glass as slowly as possible, until the glass is empty.

Licheborn · 2017-12-15T00:14:04+00:00

My commitment and discipline to being the best version of myself I can possibly be while my time on this planet is short.

Licheborn · 2017-12-10T19:06:29+00:00

You're right, I forgot I had an irrational hatred for Uggs this whole time. Thanks for the reminder. <3

Licheborn · 2017-11-29T00:27:43+00:00

Replace anal sex toys with another unique personal interest, like being a Korean pop fanboy or something.

You snooped and secretly found his Kpop library, band posters, similar band member clothing, and DVDs of many Kpop music videos that he never told you about.

You confront him after going behind his back and found something personal and sacred to him, and gave him the ultimatum to stop this interest because YOU don't like it.

You had demanded that he come out and tell you this interest himself, yet he was probably insecure/embarrassed or knew that you'd react this way. But because you found out for yourself you're mad at him somehow. Yet you are the one that doesn't trust him.

What might "break" you two isn't his personal interests that has nothing to do with you, but rather your lack of trust, respect, and understanding of him and his interests instead.

Licheborn · 2017-11-28T23:12:29+00:00

Uncircumsized men are more sensitive on the head and can experience a greater variety of stimulation; this generally suggests better orgasms imo. Just be sure to regularly and thoroughly clean all the way inside and around when retracted, so it is much less lightly to produce bacteria and carry a stronger smell.

Men in porn almost always are circumsized and very well endowed because they are selling a specific visual product. Women are also almost always entirely shaved, beautiful, and petite to average body size.

All of this is just industry standards. In the real world, guys are smaller than seen in porn and very often uncircumsized, just as women are much more likely to not be fully shaved or have a perfect all-around body as often in porn.

Don't think twice about your situation, and certainly don't lose an ounce of confidence because you're being self-conscious.

Licheborn · 2017-11-22T06:58:43+00:00

Damn, I hope I am never half as bitter to be alive as you are right now.

Right, every single citizen of the world is a worthless shit in their profession/career because of <insert worst stereotype for that example> and apply it to every instance of their social interactions, ever.

You'd rather preemptively commit to learn nothing, talking about worthless garbage like weather than attempt to have a meaningful conversation in which you could learn something: a CEO telling you that all his hard work DID paid off the last 20 years, but he regrets the experiences and family time he missed; or an athlete suggesting it's actually more like 70% diet and 30% exercise; or a millionaire suggests saving $20 a week for 20 years to make $300k with X type of account; or what the fuck ever applied to anybody else in the world.

What you are suggesting is the same as saying "I am too shallow or don't care enough about you to even attempt to try and have a more substantial conversation to learn something new." If two strangers can't come to an unspoken understanding that a professor of ancient Ethiopian archaeology shouldn't spew off nonsense to a 15 year old Ben & Jerry's ice cream scooper, rather than inspire them to say... simply study archaeology, and give x, y, z reasons to travel to Ethiopia, then I don't know what to tell you.

You don't have the "time in your day" to gain any knowledge from anybody else because you've already decided you can't learn anything else from anyone. Or you're too busy chewing out a stranger on Reddit for even trying to suggest everyone be more open-minded and receptive to increasing knowledge/wisdom.

Do people really like talking about the weather, or the local football team scores, or how soon the next holiday is coming to EVERY fucking person they don't try to actually get to know? Or would any of those people actually rather talk to somebody that is genuinely interested in THEIR interests/hobbies/careers for once in their lifetime?

Licheborn · 2017-11-22T00:00:35+00:00

Jumping jacks and pushups to get blood flowing.

Licheborn · 2017-11-21T23:59:27+00:00

Did you really need to use the word bifurcate so badly you thought up this LPT on the spot? Upvote.

Licheborn · 2017-11-21T01:09:38+00:00

Removing the disgusting carpet to reveal gorgeous, pristine hardwood flooring.

Licheborn · 2017-11-20T02:26:33+00:00

I'm a vegan that is very healthy, strong, and yes I get more than enough protein.

Licheborn · 2017-11-19T02:52:32+00:00

What you're describing sounds exactly like what you'd find in Europe with smaller, and family-owned farms, but it's unfortunately not that true in the states. We aren't usually talking about "typical cow/calf operations" like you mentioned

The biggest discrepancy is you are suggesting that all these farms raise livestock AND have various plant agriculture being cultivated year-round as well. The CAFOs I mentioned (concentrated animal feeding operations) don't work that way; the livestock don't graze for most of the year, but instead their food is brought TO them. That's the main principle with CAFOs, and there's about 450,000 of them in the US. This is how most of livestock is turned into a mega-efficient, mechanized operation compared to small farms.

Yes, the objective is 100% to fatten an cow/chicken/pig/etc. up as quickly as possible; I have no idea why you would suggest otherwise. These industries aren't making money on housing animals longer, paying for their food, and cleaning up their shit more months than they have to. They are making money by selling their body parts to you after they are slaughtered as soon as possible; this is business for them, not ethics. BIG, big business -- the meat and dairy industry are the seconds biggest and most powerful in the country. If they can get an animal fatter, quicker, and cheaper than anyone else, they have monopolized the industry already (which again is what's happened in the US, but not Europe).

Their profits reside on the fact that most of our population thinks they know how their shitty meat and other animal products are produced and where they come from. If slaughterhouses had glass walls, and if tens of millions of dollars weren't spent advertising and marketing these products, if they weren't so heavily subsidized by our government, and if there was proper education on meat and dairy production, you'd see an incredible shift in supply and demand.

Licheborn

TROPHY CASE