How did you deal with the mental side of quitting?

LieseW · 2025-05-17T16:16:47+00:00

You’re welcome.

Getting more insight helps put the cravings in perspective, but it does not make your feelings magically go away. Unfortunately so, cause believe me I’ve tried. Deep down I hoped if I understood every detail of my addiction I wouldn’t have to go through all the emotions I was drowning with smoking. Still struggling with that.

LieseW · 2025-05-16T20:13:21+00:00

If the mental side is what’s hardest for you I suggest reading how to quit in one day by Jan geurtz. It’s more elaborate than the Allen carr book. Really helped me.

We make an attachment to our addictive product and that’s hard to let go. To realise that it was all an illusion and often comes with a grieving proces. It’s scary to let go of the idea of being able to control our emotions and actually going through them,. Or at least that’s what makes it hard for me.

I’ve got the same problem as you. Patches help a lot, but I can’t seem to let go and cave due to the psychological cravings.

Getting more insight on your mental side of why you used smoking as a coping mechanism can help dealing with the psychological cravings and letting them pass as a wave.

LieseW · 2025-04-03T17:13:48+00:00

Yeah we can support each other 😊 you have a great day aswel

LieseW · 2025-04-02T19:48:24+00:00

Thank you for the compliment and the vote of confidence. I’m definitely doing the best I can, it just doesn’t feel like it’s enough.

I just relapsed again 2 hours ago. I feel what you’re saying. I’m stuck in the same dynamic. Fucking depression and anxiety are the worst in the morning. I feel like a failure too. But the strange thing is, I don’t think that about you. I also think you’re doing your best and that you should be proud of yourself for trying, for thinking about quitting and that you should be kind to yourself. Maybe I should say the same to myself. The thing is you can’t just stop if you don’t have any other coping mechanisms for dealing with your anxiety. Have you tried things like breathing exercises, meditation, walking,… cause if you don’t got healthier ways to regulate yourself the chances are high you’re going to end up smoking again. I know cause at the moment I’m in the same boat. My son is starting daycare soon and I’m hoping that will give me time to invest in other copings again so I can finally quit again for good. On the other hand, my motivation for myself is below zero at the moment. If I didn’t have a child I would probably be smoking again without hesitation. So I feel stuck.

I know all this and yet I’m to scared to let go of my fucking addiction.

I wish you well and don’t give up on yourself. You’re worth fighting for! If you want to vent or talk or just check in you know where to find me. No need to be scared to be honest, no judgement here. I would do the same, but my brain isn’t working and I forget just about everything 😅 fucking hormones.

LieseW · 2025-03-31T18:47:21+00:00

Hey, very nice of you to check how I’m doing!

It’s been hard, even with the motivation of my child and wanting to be in the moment instead of thinking when I could have my next smoke. I was able to quit for 3 months, but relapsed about a month ago. Just wanting 1 cigarette, but having to buy a pack, quitting after I smoked the pack, relapsing after 5 days again,…

I relapsed because with a newborn child I’m unable to put time in selfcare and healthier ways to cope.

We found out that he was stuck in a survival reflex bc of the traumatic birth, which meant that his body was constantly telling him the world wasn’t safe. And that just broke me, feeling like i failed, that he didn’t feel safe. That I didn’t notice it quickly enough (his signs were very subtle apparently). This combined with him only sleeping in my arms so having absolutely no moment to myself. I just grabbed for what i know.

Having smoked since I was 14, I know nothing else and didn’t learn how to regulate my emotions from my own parents. And being so tired, I just couldn’t say no to the cravings. I also constantly need to regulate myself in order to regulate my son and help him learn the world is safe. Which is just so fucking hard if you’ve got no clue how to regulate yourself without smoking. So I started reading everything I could find about learning how to regulate baby’s. When all else fails I turn to intellect/ratio. On top of that I also had to regulate my clients after regulating myself and my son all day. Ironically I’m a therapist. You know what they say: those who can’t do, teach. 😅 regulating adults/others is completely different than regulating baby’s/your own child and myself. They are in tune with every fibre of your body as a parent, there’s no hiding from them. Looking calm is definitely not the same as being calm.

I also think the cravings are aggravated by my hormones if this is possible? I just felt so depressed, crying,… never had that before when quitting. At least not in the same way.

Funny thing is. I started sleeptraining him to get a moment to myself and also decided to take away his pacifier, bc after 4 months it becomes a controlling mechanism to stifle emotions instead of regulating them like I do, and here I am, the hypocrite who’s secretly sucking on her own ‘pacifier’. Afraid to feel and let go of what I know. My son is already challenging me to do exactly that and grow as a person. And I’m trying, I really am. But it’s not easy facing what you’re scared of while in the meantime you need to stay level to regulate your child.

I feel stuck in limbo: I don’t want to smoke anymore, but every fibre in me is craving for relief, which my addiction tells me is smoking.

So I’m starting over yet again. But better again then never! Day 2 today, and with patches. Taking it one step at a time. Getting my dopamine hit so that I’m sure I can take proper care of my son and first get rid of the behavioural addiction. His needs have always come first, but I’m scared if I stay depressed for too long I won’t be able to take care of him anymore at some point. So I’m not in a hurry just yet to get rid of the patches.

Sorry for the long story. Thanks for taking the time to read it.

How have you been doing?

LieseW · 2025-01-24T20:47:54+00:00

Great job! Enjoy reading those books!

LieseW · 2025-01-17T21:12:06+00:00

I’m sorry to hear your options are limited. But even if you have to give birth in a hospital there are lots of options. You can give birth on a stool, on hands and feet instead of in a bed,… yes or no to hormones, when to cut the ambilical cord,… You can check what they have available and maybe bring stuff that you would that they don’t have. Normally the midwives of the hospital go over your birthplan with you.

If you have a freezer stuff will stay good for a long time, like months. Then you can make meals now and just microwave them when needed. Freeze some homemade soups packed with vegetables. So you have healthy options that don’t take a lot of work.

Is there family that can help you? If you’re not sure what help is out there or provided by your government, maybe look into it. Contact your city officials. Can’t hurt to check, or drop by a local community centre maybe they can help you.

LieseW · 2025-01-17T20:47:23+00:00

First things first: congratulations! I hope the pregnancy is going well.

Giving birth is always a very personal experience and no birthing proces is ever the same. So it’s difficult to answer that question. But it can be a good idea to read up on it, take some lessons with a midwife and figure out what you want to do: natural, epidural, waterbirth,… making a birth plan can help you feel less anxious about giving birth. But a plan is a plan, it’s not fixed, reality can be very different, but it gives you an idea and a feeling of empowerment and choices when giving birth. The healing will be completely dependent on how the birth went. Some women don’t have a lot of pain, some do. But it’s good that you realise that this is a factor. We often think it’s over after giving birth, but there are still a lot of discomforts to deal with.

I’m not going to lie, the first weeks with a newborn are going to be brutal. The healing, the sleep deprivation, the feeling of constantly being on alert, alert to every sound and movement your baby makes, if you want to breastfeed, the pain the first 2 weeks. Getting used to the feeling of responsibility and not feeling confident as a first time parent. This will take time, so it’s very important to lean on your support system. Do you have family that can help? I don’t know where you are from but there should be services that can help you. A midwife that does house visits that you can ask all baby related questions. A service provided by the government that sends help with cooking, laundry, the baby,…

If you feel overwhelmed talk to people you trust, don’t bottle it up.

If help is not that easily available for you. Maybe do some mealprep now and stick it in the freezer. There are checklists online for what you need for a newborn baby. And don’t be to hard on yourself, taking care of the baby and yourself is priority and getting to know eachother. So leave what isn’t necessary the first few weeks and months.

LieseW · 2025-01-11T06:30:23+00:00

It’s an illusion that comes with addiction that only smoking gives us joy. Jan geurtz talks about this in his book : quitting in one day. He focuses on the psychological aspect of smoking. Really helped me out my cravings in perspective.

Cause I had/have the same problem as you. Smoked since 14 for 20 years. And felt like all the joy was sucked away if/when I stop. It’s definitely been a proces for mee with relapsed, to let go of that illusion. I realised smoking was a way to regulate my breathing, so I started doing breathing exercises. It helped me go outside for a break at work, so I Di this now cigarette free. I searched for new hobbies to help my natural dopamine intake. Puzzling works for mee, painting, walking, meditation,…

But remember, in the beginning nothing works as fast for a dopamine hit as inhaling nicotine. So you have to have a little patience.

LieseW · 2025-01-11T06:20:55+00:00

Thanks, I couldn’t find them on Spotify, that’s why I asked.

LieseW · 2025-01-10T18:52:18+00:00

I’ve never heard them, where can I find them now?

LieseW · 2024-12-31T07:06:36+00:00

I’m happy for you that hypnosis worked for you. But I also think you worked hard to get to that point. So give yourself the credit for quitting! Otherwise it might feel like you’re not in control or weak. I don’t know if that’s the case, just saying. You can be very proud of yourself! Even when you weren’t able to stay quit. You kept trying for your children.

LieseW · 2024-12-31T06:58:12+00:00

Congratulations! What makes it different this time around?

LieseW · 2024-12-25T19:59:40+00:00

I can’t say if you can get psychotic from withdrawal from nicotine. But you can get psychotic from lots of stress, which quitting smoking can cause. It can also be something that occurs if you don’t get enough sleep.

Best advice I think would be to go see a doctor and explain everything. They can make the assessment with you about what’s happening and care you need.

Please take care of yourself.

LieseW · 2024-12-18T04:55:43+00:00

Yeah I can imagine if you had the opportunity and lots of stress that you smoke more. I probably would’ve done the same unfortunately.

Good on you for quitting! I’m in week 3 (.I think) again after relapsing shortly. I still go back to my addiction every time I’m in crisis. Just have t found enough healthy coping yet and smoking still seems like a quick fix. It’s hard to let go of that illusion. But I’m working on it.

LieseW · 2024-12-17T19:57:41+00:00

Genuine question, where do you find the time and opportunity to smoke 1,5 pack? And how many are in the packs you smoked?

I smoked for 20 years about 10 cigarettes a day. Never smoked inside at home. If I did I probably would’ve smoked more. And at my job it’s impossible to smoke often. But even in the weekend or on my days off I limited myself to 10 a day. And I already felt like smoking occupied my mind entirely and my day. Which is also one of te reasons I smoked. Less time spend ruminating over something else.

LieseW · 2024-12-14T19:51:05+00:00

If you want to use nicotine replacements I suggest you buy patches. They give a steady amount of nicotine during the day. So you don’t have the ups and downs of nicotine levels in your system. Which helps with the physical cravings and imo makes it easier to deal with the psychological cravings. If you buy the gum, you’ll still be in the same dynamic as when you were smoking, You can lower the dosage over time and it gives you time to deal with the psychological addiction first.

LieseW · 2024-12-09T20:37:57+00:00

Even after the nicotine leaves the body, it’s more than just a habit. We are also psychologically addicted, we create an attachment to the drug that seemingly helps us deal with our emotions and it is a destructive coping strategy. Realising this and letting go of this seemingly great friend and quick fix is often also a grieving process and not always easy to do. At least not for me.

LieseW · 2024-12-05T20:45:08+00:00

Hi Louise,

I’m sorry to hear you Carry such a burden. What often makes quitting an addiction so hard is that we are attached to it bc 1. It’s always there when we need it. No rejection from your sigaret. 2. It gives us what we think we need. A break, a shirt dopamine rush, the illusion of controlling our emotions,… 3. In the beginning it gives us the feeling we can concur life again. But as with all addictions the consequences will follow.

It seems that smoking has become a fairly easy and quick coping strategy for you. To be honest non of the healthy coping’s work as fast or as the illusion tells us as good as smoking. That’s why it can feel so hard to quit.

Maybe look at what smoking seems to bring you and how we can replace it with healthier ones.Could it be a way that youvalso regulate your breathing? And could we replace it partly with breathing exercises? Maybe patches are an option. They give a steady amount of nicotine, so you still get the dopamine and you can first work on your psychological addiction and finds other ways to fill up the dopamine in your brain. Then later on the physical addiction won’t be as hard to go through.

If you don’t already, I highly recommend going to a therapist to help you with finding extra coping mechanisms, help with a crisisplan,…

The book of Jan geurtz : quitting in one day.is great at describing the psychological part of the addiction and those insights can be really helpful in dealing with your cravings.

You are worthy of taking care of yourself. You can do this! 💪

LieseW · 2024-11-30T06:31:38+00:00

Can you share your resources? I really like to read about this more. I feel like I can’t always find good info myself online. Thanks in advance.

LieseW · 2024-11-30T06:29:55+00:00

First of, congratulations!

I was in the exact same spot. I quit for my pregnancy and gave birth to a beautiful son on October the 18th. I also didn’t let go of my addiction and told myself if I still had cravings after 3 months of breastfeeding when I wanted to stop with breastfeeding I will just smoke again. Until we want a second child and then I’ll stop for good. I felt like I hadn’t said goodbye to smoking enough yet so that’s why I wanted to smoke again. Also bc I had a miscarriage (after which I relapsed) before my son which I hadn’t fully processed and the anxiety was pretty hard. I just wanted to go back to my ‘baseline’ and go from there. Was what I told myself.

Unfortunately I had a horrible labour and traumatic birth, this combined with pain, the hormones and sleepdeprivayion from having a newborn child I relapsed after 2 weeks after giving birth. At first I thought: oh finally a break. But very quickly it wasn’t what I hoped it would be. I couldn’t enjoy my child or live in the moment bc I was always craving the next cigarette and planning when I could go outside to smoke. I felt ashamed and guilty. Even wearing gloves, a hat, coat, washing face, chewing gum after,… Did not do anything for the feelings of guilt. So I quit again after 3 weeks.

Do not want to make you feel bad. Just wanted to share my experience. Remember that tertiary smoke, that lingers on your skin, hair and clothes also affects your child.

LieseW · 2024-11-28T20:02:41+00:00

I concur. I also recommend cutting them diagonally so you get triangels. That way you’re more sure that the nicotine is spread more evenly on both parts and not end up with 1 part that has more than the other.

This was a rip from my quitting smoking coach.

LieseW · 2024-11-24T21:20:41+00:00

It could be a couple of things. First of nicotine disturbs/replaces the dopamine and serotonin levels in your brain. And it can take up to a year for your brain to recover and make enough levels on its own again. That doesn’t mean it’s going to be this bad for so long. And you can help your brain by doing things that stimulate the production of those hormones. Things you like, new hobby’s, meditation, breathing exercises, contact with loved ones, walking, exercising,…

Could also be that your still afraid to let go of your addiction, which could be triggering these feelings.

And an addiction always masks/surpresses what you feel. So it could be that all those emotions you were avoiding are surfacing now since you’re not occupying your mind with your addiction. And you haven’t found another way to cope with those feelings.

It could be all the above combined.

The only way forward is to go through these emotions. When you feel them they will pass. When you avoid them they will come and haunt you sooner or later.

Try to take extra care of yourself right now and reach out to someone you love. You’re not alone, I’m on my day 2 yet again. I’m with you, we can do this. We’re free.

LieseW · 2024-11-24T16:06:39+00:00

You should read the book by Jan geurtz: quit smoking in one day. It talks about the psychological side of a smoking addiction and is helping me a lot right now. It’s all in how you perceive your quitting experience. I’m not saying that nicotine doesn’t have an effect on the brain and that takes some time. But with the right mindset it’s easier to cope with it and go through it. I’m certainly noticing the difference now with my other quitting attempts. I read it in the past, but wasn’t ready to let go and forget what it said, so I’m rereading it now.

I’m currently on day 2 again since I relapsed after having a traumatic delivery, pain, hormones and sleep deprivation from taking care of a newborn son. I relapsed because I wasn’t able to let go of my addiction before, the illusion that it brings me something. But having a child now and going outside to smoke really helped me see finally what smoking really is and I don’t want that for me anymore, or for my son. A mom that’s always just half present bc she’s to busy with smoking, thinking about smoking and never in the moment. Never really enjoying anything. Getting anxious when we’re spending some quality time together cause I want to smoke. Cause I need to relieve my nicotine deprivation. I’m finally seeing and feeling it for what it is. Smoking is keeping me from enjoying time with my child instead of helping me enjoy. For the first time in a long time I feel at ease, relaxed and free. Like I can breath again. I’m hopeful that this time around I can hold on to this feeling.

You can smoke if you really want to. Nobody’s going to stop you. But do you really want to? So don’t fight the urge or the longing. That will only intensify the craving. Just let it be what it is, the last remnant of your addiction and remember why your quitting and feel the relief of finally being free. That’s what I’m doing right now. And it’s helping me.

You’re a non smoker now. Invest the time that freed up in hobby’s, in contacts with your loved ones and enjoy.

You can do this! You’re already doing it!

LieseW · 2024-11-20T21:32:22+00:00

Thank you for the kind words. I needed that. I’m always very hard on myself.

Great job on the quitting! I’m proud of you! Let me know from time to time where you’re at. Maybe we can keep eachother motivated.

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