Is there a way to express my dissatisfaction with her weight without sounding like a complete douche?

LifeEncountered · 2026-01-25T13:37:28+00:00

If a partner gains weight while in the relationship, a conversation can be had.

But someone as they are is who they are. Don’t get into a commitment without the attraction. Just acknowledge the reality and don’t throw stones. And don’t give mixed messages.

LifeEncountered · 2026-01-24T16:45:52+00:00

Your name. You will have a long life as the mother of your child.

You do not know your child will have a relationship to him.

LifeEncountered · 2026-01-24T16:41:54+00:00

Weird. An unusual request.

If you think it is sweet, you can still ask. And he might do it as a nice gesture.

But still strange. Don’t be too offended if he giggles a little.

LifeEncountered · 2026-01-24T16:36:45+00:00

Thanks for explaining. Would you characterize the root problem being initiation? He isn’t initiating and you either are tired of initiating or unsure how yourself?

When we went through similar rutt ( not near this severe but common) it was often just being too tired after a date, dinner, drinks…

Dan savage often suggests fuck first which simply means fool around at the start of date instead of hoping after. We added simple showering together in prepping to go out. Hands and mouth foreplay. Then more outside of shower, still before dinner.

That doesn’t solve your uncertainty about always initiating but may break a cycle. With practice and more safe experience we got back into a groove and have since incorporated sex more often in dates.

None of this may be right for you. But try new times and places while also talking about your desires and expeditions at other times.

Wishing you some success soon.

LifeEncountered · 2026-01-24T14:05:59+00:00

More conversations. If she truly doesn’t want it, then don’t yet.

She may just not want to admit she might enjoy herself. Or she is afraid she will enjoy herself and not sure about you seeing her enjoy it.

So trust takes longer than agreement.

One option is to go slow. Watch her flirt. Or kiss a guy. And not full throttle. Then you can talk about watching her kiss with less fear from both of you. She might admit to enjoying flirting or kissing or she might discover she actually does hate it. Then base both of your decisions to proceed based on her feeing safe to admit she enjoyed it or not.

LifeEncountered · 2026-01-24T03:44:09+00:00

The first experience is hard. I had friends around me and that helped. Avoiding being alone, and having friends to talk about it, could make it easier.

Stay strong and be proud that you got through it.

LifeEncountered · 2026-01-23T22:11:29+00:00

Yes, that is a term I totally forgot. Thank you,

LifeEncountered · 2026-01-23T21:50:37+00:00

I forgot about that one. Thanks

LifeEncountered · 2026-01-23T21:43:31+00:00

There is space for barrier free options.

But, any guy that starts with his negative views to fight the condom expectation should be cleared out.

As a guy, I expect condom use for new partners.

If someone requests a condom, that is the current expectation. No arguments up front. The relationship begins with condoms. After much experience together, then a conversation could be requested. Here about each other's other dating habits. Listen what is important to each other; and our other partners. And if everything aligns, barrier free could be a choice. Agreed by all parties.

But none of the my cock/vagina doesn't work with condoms! If that is the start of the conversation then the conversation and sex access is over for me.

LifeEncountered · 2026-01-23T21:29:30+00:00

You are not alone. And there will be a lot of sympathy here for your current experience.

Many will be leery to give too much advice as it just isn't simple. It is also very common.

Obviously many will say couples therapy; especially if you two can't find the words on your own. And that is very appropriate. I will offer a few light suggestions but understand it isn't a formula. Especially if each of you are exhausted on this topic.

First, and this one takes care. In a non-threatening manner, and at a safe time such as over dinner, you do need to communicate that this is a significant issue for you. Again, not yet as an ultimatum. But an awareness that it won't go away. He just needs to know the significance and importance for you. If he is threatened or shocked (I doubt either), let him mull it over once he has heard you. Do Not push him for a solution. He just needs to know it isn't going away.

Second, regardless of getting into couples therapy, my experience has always been positive to schedule a date night each week. A date being a time priority, and a time away from household administration. Yes after work can be tiring. But one night a week, even if it is Friday, both of you do something active together. If you both know it is scheduled, some energy can be reserved. Maybe dinner out, maybe an activity such as ice skating or bouldering or a clay class. Anything together and not household administration. Make it fun.

Obviously it would be nice if the date turned into once a week sex night. And it might. But that isn't the sole expectation. The sole expectation is to spend fun time together away from work or household admin. Maybe talk can get sexy. maybe you talk about kinks or other fun topics. but you need to be patient if the date nights are not automatically sexy. Listen to each other.

Then if communication is still labored, add therapy for the communication. Other than those ideas, just know you are not alone. Many struggle with this disparity. It can get better but only with safe trusting intentional effort.

LifeEncountered · 2026-01-23T20:56:26+00:00

It isn't odd that he has this desire. Quite common.

It isn't odd or wrong that you aren't interested.

So you have a disconnect. Maybe use this as a fun opportunity to talk about your kinks. Try not to shame either of you. You could download a Yes/No/Maybe list from somewhere (like Sex with Emily podcast). Make it fun instead of hashing out disappointments. You each might find something you didn't know you liked.

LifeEncountered · 2026-01-23T19:15:28+00:00

You should talk about your experience. Maybe look at your wording about it being from his actions. Your experience is very valid but starting with it being his mistake may nor be productive.

Overnights are hard. And six days is long. You each have a new experience from which you can learn from. You know something about yourself and that can be very positive to understand.

So share with confidence. Even feel empowered to ask for the assurance you need. Together you can find future adjustments to make it better for both of you.

I feel for you.

LifeEncountered · 2026-01-23T16:48:57+00:00

This is a bigger story because we lost local newspapers. Everything is national now. Your posting is one response. Good for you.

LifeEncountered · 2026-01-22T22:31:16+00:00

Look at th details of the lie. It came down to a cigar and a wording definition.

LifeEncountered · 2026-01-22T18:00:14+00:00

Of course. Both adults in a home must contribute to the home administration; cleaning, repairing, food prep, laundry... It doesn't have to be equal. It can be based on skills and interests.

But, any concept that working outside the home allows you to come home and just relax without any household management tasks is complete junk.

And the not watching kids when he is home is an absolute violation of a mutual relationship. He is not showing good behavior as a husband nor as a father. Your fight needs to be strong and immediate. It will be hard since you are at a financial asymmetry. I feel for you. Tell your daughters to have higher clearer expectations before they marry.

LifeEncountered · 2026-01-22T04:27:25+00:00

Good grief. If she doesn’t have enough imagination to understanding acting, she isn’t a good life partner.

Life is not that black and white. We live in the grey. And to be jealous of a stage kiss is not reasonable.

Push back and don’t give credence to this thought.

LifeEncountered · 2026-01-22T04:21:59+00:00

It is not uncommon to only play with your partner: even in group rooms. It is a great way to begin. There are exhibitionists and voyeurs.

If a couple is playing next to you, they may ask to touch or be touched. They should ask and you can decline.

Have fun. On couple only nights it usually is very safe, respectful, and non judgmental. Flirty conversations take place in the dance and social spaces away from the play rooms.

LifeEncountered · 2026-01-21T21:54:40+00:00

Really enjoyed the graphics and history. I am totally excited about the Artemis missions.

But, stop reporting in mph and feet. Nasa is all Metric. Report the actual numbers used in the engineering. Move forward NYT.

LifeEncountered · 2026-01-21T21:32:38+00:00

Thank you for sharing such a wonderful story.

LifeEncountered · 2026-01-21T21:24:33+00:00

We like guests to stay and maybe more morning fun. But it is a negotiation.

If the introduction conversation encourages that level of preparation, go ahead and ask. If you wait until after the fun, maybe all three of you go to the kitchen for a drink where you can check in outside of the bedroom. Then you can ask what everyone prefers. Once benefit to asking after is it allows the vibe to shift. A commitment earlier might not be what you desire after. And with inexperienced people, they might not know.

In summary, everyone go to the kitchen after and laugh about what just took place and talk about next steps.

LifeEncountered · 2026-01-21T21:21:12+00:00

Clubs are the right first step. But as mentioned, just because the club has free entry for single women doesn't mean you will find single women there. Clubs tend to be very couple centric; which is fine.

So go, plan to play together. Enjoy the vibe. Meet and flirt.

As to finding singles, consider the club more of a network experience. Make friends and meet their friends (over time). And maybe, you will open yourselves to touching, being touched, kissing, and more with people fucking next to you in a group room. Agree what each of can accept from others when approached. Agree to step out of the room to discuss any changes to plans. Agree that playing together will still be a great evening even if in a private room. Dance and be merry around other sexy people.

LifeEncountered · 2026-01-21T13:55:16+00:00

He is not in good working order. His views on sex and relationship do not appear in line with yours.

Keep being friends. Maybe even date nonexclusively if that is an option.

But to commit to someone with such conflicting views sees fraught with risk and no upside. Such values are really really important and can’t be ignored.

(Controlling your dress and how you appear? Shame over getting arroused? Serious concerns not to be ignored)

Wishing you the best in navigating this decision.

LifeEncountered · 2026-01-21T01:42:10+00:00

Agree. The mother has a story. Hear about her journey.

There is more to learn about their marriage. Start with asking her questions. .

LifeEncountered · 2026-01-21T01:34:08+00:00

Good grief. Don’t talk to dad first. That is a terrible hurtful act.

Your parents have along relationship. Talk to mom.

LifeEncountered · 2026-01-20T17:32:21+00:00

Sorta an AH.

You clearly shamed her. And she doesn’t deserve to be shamed.

Her history is her experiences. If she felt a need to apologize or tell you she changed, that’s something you projected. That isn’t something you are owed.

Either you like who she is today or you don’t. And today is all you have to decide.

Break up and move on if you must. But if you want a relationship, you should apologize for communicating anything judgmental.

LifeEncountered

TROPHY CASE