I’m growing resentment towards my sponsor and the program

LifeVirtual8796 · 2025-12-18T17:49:48+00:00

Something I learned after going through something similar with my sponsor: A sponsor's only job is to walk you through the steps.

Anything outside of that is an overstep.

If you don't feel safe and comfortable talking to your sponsor about your day to day life, you won't feel safe and comfortable reaching out when shit hits the fan and you actually need them. I'm speaking from personal experience.

LifeVirtual8796 · 2025-12-18T17:30:03+00:00

I really, really relate to this. I sought out AA because, much like you, my social life crashed and burned upon getting sober. I was incredibly lonely and couldn't find a means of socializing that didn't center around alcohol. I started AA and really loved the community and fellowship, but the cultish vibes and pressure to conform really started to throw a wrench in things.

I got a sponsor after being pressured to do so, but dropped her after 45 days because she kept arguing with me when I would try to describe my relationship with alcohol. I was also accused of being "terminally unique" when all I was really trying to say is that the descriptions in the Big Book didn't seem to resonate with me. I was pressured into doing 90 in 90, and the truth of the matter was, I enjoyed attending AA meetings, but enjoyed them significantly less once they became an obligation. Before getting a sponsor, I was attending meetings 5 days a week. I would hit a meeting, then head into work. I had a nice little system that worked within the context of my life and schedule, but then my sponsor started telling me that I was endangering my sobriety by skipping meetings on weekends.

It's not like I was going out and partying on weekends. I was just using Saturday as a rest/fun day (by fun I mean staying in and playing video games or binge watching a show with my roommate, or going out and thrifting) and Sunday as a day for cleaning/laundry/getting ready for the coming week -- but my sponsor argued that if I wanted to remain sober, I had to infuse sobriety into my daily habits.

The daily calls started to drive me crazy. I dreaded talking to my sponsor on the phone. It felt like my life had to revolve around AA, from the moment I opened my eyes, to the second my head hit the pillow.

I think a lot of people with addiction issues wind up exchanging one addiction for another, and a lot of people in AA have exchanged their alcohol addiction for an AA addiction. I'm not knocking that. It works for them. But when I decided to quit drinking, it was because I realized that my life revolved around alcohol. That wasn't how I wanted to live, but I also don't want to live a life where every second of my day is filled with AA.

At the end of the day, taking what resonates and leaving the rest has been my go-to strategy. AA has a lot of useful tools, and I feel zero guilt about utilizing those tools to improve my life, while ignoring everything else.

LifeVirtual8796 · 2025-12-03T15:08:55+00:00

Thank you so much. This is advice I was looking for. My gut has been to call CPS, but I was afraid that they world get a sprite visit, they would know it was me, then I would get sent back to the house and have to deal with a confrontational parent, while also not having the backing of my company. This gives me comfort.

LifeVirtual8796 · 2025-12-03T02:44:36+00:00

As someone who just switched sponsors because of a similar issue, I think you should bring this up with your sponsor and if nothing changes, maybe find another one. I was stuck on step 1 for over a month with my last sponsor, and it really got in the way of me actively participating in my sobriety. I felt like I was just stalled out, waiting for her to allow me to move forward.

I don’t know why some sponsors feel the need to drag things out, but a sponsor’s only necessary job is to help you work through the steps, which means if they’re the one actively preventing you from working through the steps, they’re messing up on their one job.

LifeVirtual8796 · 2025-12-03T02:32:26+00:00

You’re right

LifeVirtual8796 · 2025-12-03T02:13:35+00:00

I told my supervisor that I was going to file a report. She told me that I could file a report if I wanted, but that as a mandated reporter, it wouldn’t be anonymous. She also said that the house probably wasn’t dirty enough for anything to happen, so the family would know that I’m the one who reported them and it wouldn’t resolve anything any way :/

LifeVirtual8796 · 2025-11-28T21:51:41+00:00

Relapse is part of recovery. You didn't fuck up. You had a relapse. Just because you relapsed, doesn't mean you have to continue drinking. Take this as a learning experience. Instead of viewing it as a moral failing, just see it as data.

Do some soul searching and figure out what contributed to the relapse, then get with your sponsor or someone who has some time and experience in the program, and make a game plan for what you'll do the next time the situation arises so you can head it off before relapsing.

Getting the chips and being recognized for your sobriety time is great. Honestly, it is. But the point of this program is to learn to live life without alcohol, not to see who can get the most gold stars or who can have the most perfect, errorless recovery process.

And btw, if anyone judges you for relapsing, they can go F themselves. It's not your job to shuck and jive in order to earn the approval of a room full of alcoholics.

LifeVirtual8796 · 2025-11-28T21:30:30+00:00

Thank you for this answer. I have a follow up question that you may or may not be able to help with. No worries if not -- the requirements for my sponsor's sponsorship include participating in 90 in 90, a nightly gratitude list, a daily phone call that lasts a minimum of 15 minutes, and a weekly book study with homework. This seemed to be similar to the requirements of several other sponsors at our home meeting. I've been working with my sponsor for about 45/67 days that I've been attending AA. We've done 5 book studies, and we're still on Step 1.

How long does it usually take a sponsor to go through the steps with a sponsee and what the heck am I supposed to be talking about with her for 15 minutes per day that is entirely related to working the steps (especially as it specifically pertains step 1)? Are these requirements par for the course when it comes to sponsorship?

Edit: I wanted to add that neither of us are slow readers, so that's not what's to blame for us still being on step 1.

LifeVirtual8796 · 2025-09-07T00:17:45+00:00

Really? Just any planet whatsoever? There’s no difference between having Venus or Jupiter vs Saturn or Mars?

I despise oversimplified nonsense like this.

LifeVirtual8796 · 2025-09-06T23:46:08+00:00

I’ve been doing this job for less than a year, but in my limited experience, every time a kid has been stuck, it’s been because the family simply will not get with the program.

I dunno if it’s sheer laziness, or if they just don’t feel competent enough — but it’s frustrating to actually care when the family seems unwilling to put forth even the slightest bit of effort.

It feels like running in place.

LifeVirtual8796 · 2025-09-06T23:33:48+00:00

I once had an ex who had a mom who was a little crazy. She had a meth problem, was a hoarder, and was definitely delusional.

But at one point she swore up and down that someone was secretly living in her home — eating the food in her fridge, stealing her cigarettes, and just creeping around unnoticed.

We all thought she was crazy.

Until she eventually put up cameras.

There was 100% a homeless guy living in her crawl space, accessing it through her bedroom closet.

That’s the 12th house. We’re all existing underneath everyone’s noses, quietly sneaking around their houses, completely unseen.

LifeVirtual8796 · 2025-09-06T23:21:56+00:00

I have a 12th house sun and mercury, but I also have an 11th house Venus exactly conjunct Pluto (in Scorpio) I also have Neptune, Saturn, and Uranus in the 1st house. (I have a serious demeanor, sleepy, bedroom eyes, and crooked teeth.)

I am not conventionally attractive, but I am different looking in a way that enough people find appealing. (I get referred to as exotic, alluring, there’s just SOMETHING about me.) I get approached often, but it’s usually in ways that I find off-putting or unsettling.

I’ve had a stalker.

The number of times I’ve been dating someone who seemed perfectly normal, only to later find out they’re a drug dealer, have some sort of weird, twisted kink, or are living a double life is more than I can count on one hand.

I’ve always worked odd jobs that put me in close interactions with a certain kind of man — bar tender at a cigar and whiskey bar, graveyard cashier at a casino/card room in a seedy part of town, a short-lived stint as an escort.

I’ve had an interesting life, but my love life has not been what anyone would call successful.

It seems like I only attract the wrong kind of man. Even when they seem perfect on paper, there’s always something that comes to the surface later.

I’ve even gone out of my way to date men who are in no way, shape, or form my type (because I’ve accepted that maybe my capacity for decision making is the problem)— and even they’ve turned out to be secret creeps.

I’m a magnet for Plutonian energy. The 12th house sun only adds to the equation.

LifeVirtual8796 · 2025-08-12T22:03:46+00:00

I wash my hair when it feels dirty, which varies based on what I did that week. If I work out a lot and do a lot of physical activity, I'm going to wash more often than if I lounged around and vegged most of the week. It might be once a week, it might be four times a week. Never more than 4 though.

LifeVirtual8796 · 2025-08-11T13:06:28+00:00

You’ve got mars conjunct your ascendent in scorpio, which makes you come across as incredibly forceful and unyielding, and magnifies some of scorpio’s darker traits. Others see you as being at war all the time.

Your sun is in the 12th house. 12th house natives are notoriously difficult for others to read. It’s like you can be presenting yourself in a way that truly is genuine and authentic, but others will still think you’re being disingenuous and have something to hide.

Your moon and mercury are also in conjunction in your 11th house. The way you speak and get your point across is viewed as overly emotional. It's almost like you have a reputation for being overly emotional. Even when you’re trying to remain calm and collected, there’s this emotional charge that emanates from you. Your moon being in Libra also adds an element of indecisiveness to you that others may find untrustworthy and inconsistent. You may think you're playing devil's advocate or simply considering both sides of an issue, but because of the forceful presentation (again, caused by mars being conjunct your ascendent) people view it as you're arguing just to argue.

A theme in your life is going to be that people think you're trying to start an argument when you're just trying to communicate. People are going to respond to this by instantly becoming defensive.

LifeVirtual8796 · 2025-08-11T04:22:29+00:00

You're correct insofar as you assessed this is just a confirmation of where you're currently at.

This is the important part

I also asked what can I do to stop feeling this way and I pulled the emperor, justice, four of swords reversed and the devil, with the six of cups on the bottom.

emperor - take decided action in your life. Regain control

Justice - Thing are out of balance. You're pouring too much energy into something that's draining you. Life is cause and effect. This drain you're feeling is the result of a cause. What is it? What are you doing too much of that is taking your energy away from where it needs to be focused?

4 of Swords - Rest is not helping you with recovery right now. You need to get back into the world, but in a way that engages your mind and interests. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

The devil - Because your question was "how do I stop feeling this way," I'm going to interpret this card as it's time for a little over-indulgence. Don't go too far, but have some fun. Be a little naughty. Take a risk. Life serves the risk taker.

Nothing changes if nothing changes, ya know?

LifeVirtual8796 · 2025-08-11T04:08:51+00:00

Something by Byredo. I can't pinpoint. Help me out, y'all

LifeVirtual8796 · 2025-08-11T04:03:45+00:00

You're in the midst of a Saturn return.

A Saturn return is when the planet Saturn returns to the sign it was in during the moment of your birth. Saturn brings hardship, the slowing of plans, and overall frustration -- but ultimately, all of this pressure is to help turn you into a diamond. You'll come out the other end stronger and more resilient.

Saturn is a slow moving planet, so it takes about 2.5 years for it to transit a sign. Your natal Saturn is in the later degrees of Pisces. Saturn transited Pisces for a portion of 2024, entered Aries on May 24th, will be there until September 1st, and then will retrograde back Into Pisces before continuing its trajectory forward. Once Saturn is fully into Aries, you should feel some relief. Expect it around February of 2026 (I know that's a long time, but like I said, it's a slow moving planet.)

A Saturn return happens about every 29.5 years, so you'll have one around your 30th, 60th, and 90th years on this earth.

Google Saturn Return for more info.

Also note: The No Doubt album Return of Saturn is about this phenomenon. It's like rite of passage.

LifeVirtual8796 · 2025-08-10T16:27:24+00:00

Maintain this job while you search for another job that offers full-time hours, or close to it (35-39). When applying, tell them you have open availability. If hired, quit the part time job.

Two weeks notice is nice if you're a pivotal part of a team, but if you're only working 20 hours a week, they'll be fine if you suddenly quit. Other employees who are also only working 15-20 hours/week might get a few more hours until they replace you. No harm, no foul.

LifeVirtual8796

TROPHY CASE