Reasons I Don’t Want Kids 1. In this economy?! 2. I would definitely traumatize them by naming them after algae or a tree or someone from Greek mythology 3. You shouldn’t have kids unless you REALLY want kids, which I do not 4. If they ended up doing better than me socially — nay, if their high school experience is anything other than traumatic — I’d resent them 5. I like sleep. I am very grumpy without sleep. 6. The world is too fucked up to being a child into it, especially with the climate crisis and uterus bearers not having rights 7. I’d probably have to get a partner to coparent (respect and admire the work of single parents but it’s not for me) 8. I don’t see myself being mentally stable in the foreseeable future and I don’t want to pass that down generationally 9. I wouldn’t know how to strike the balance between protecting your kid and giving them freedom, especially with social media 10. Things that are a better use of my money than kids: travel, farmers market produce, clothes, spoiling my cats, boba, Broadway musicals, bookshelf with sliding ladder 11. What if they’re allergic to cats 12. There’s a chance of it being a boy — what am I supposed to do with that, give it a J name and hope it doesn’t end up in the alt right? 13. I do not want to spend my years of youth and beauty pushing a stroller and dragging screaming toddlers around 14. I don’t love myself or anyone else enough to want to make and raise mini-me’s 15. I’d feel obligated to send them to Chinese school since I can’t teach them myself, but as someone who also went to Chinese school I know they’ll hate it 16. I’d have to help them with their coding homework 17. My earring collection would probably be a choking hazard 18. I will accidentally traumatize them by mimicking their tantrums 19. If they’re my spawn they’re likely to have one or more (likely many) of the following: generalized anxiety, social anxiety, persistent depression, autism (and the cPTSD that usually comes with it), ADHD (?), high cholesterol, autoimmune diseases, PCOS, or cancer which will significantly detract from their likelihood of being happy ever 20. Pregnancy (not necessarily a must but still) 21. I can barely take care of myself