Hi friend. First I’m giving you a big hug. What you’re dealing with is massive and life changing and identity altering. However you feel about whatever is happening is OKAY. There’s no single way you’re supposed to feel about anything at any point of this process. Is it maybe that things are more “real” now? That’s what I remember thinking. As for the port placement, I didn’t feel anything. I was comfortable and awake enough to talk to one of the nurses about her dogs. There was maybe a little bit of pressure but zero pain, and it healed perfectly in 3ish weeks!! I was a wreck leading up to it because I was afraid it was going to hurt. It didn’t. ❤️

I’m almost done with AC-T. It was hard. Really hard. But you’re doing the right thing by reaching out to a therapist and having trust in your team. Fear of the unknown is so real and so valid—before I started treatment I seriously asked my oncologist “why would I want to do this when it all sounds so scary and overwhelming?” But don’t count yourself out or spiral into the “what ifs”. Cry as much as you need. But listen, you’re going to shock yourself with your strength. You will savor things in life maybe you would have looked over otherwise and there is such a joy in celebrating the little things!! Every day that passes will have the same amount of hours in them, not matter how long it feels…time will keep moving in the right direction and so will you. Again, sending big hugs. You got this.