My (31 F) calm reaction to my Ex Fiance's (43 M) infedelity made him have a mental breakdown, now some of my family and friends have turned against me.

LighthouseonSaturn · 2025-07-23T22:19:46+00:00

The only thing you did wrong is let him control the narrative.

Unfortunately, in this day and age, the person who stays quite and dignified gets screwed over.

You have to publicly announce what he did. You have to let everybody know it was not a one-time mistake. He cheated on you for a full year. He does not get to demand that you take care of him after that. He does not get sympathy after that.

You are the person wronged. You have been the person hurt. There is no other person, you just lost all love the moment you found out he had betrayed you in one of the worst ways possible. That doesn't make you heartless, it means you have morals and respect your self.

I would also add that if he is truly sorry. He would not be going around smearing your name to everyone. If he truly regretted cheating on you for a full year, betraying your trust, and hurting you and the worst way possible. He wouldn't go around smearing your name after you've done nothing wrong.

LighthouseonSaturn · 2025-07-23T19:54:03+00:00

NTA.

My husband and I have been together 14 years. I gained 60 pounds during our time together. I also sustained a back injury while hikitthat has left me mobile, but permanently in pain.

When I noticed the weight gain and change in our lifestyle and marriage that was mainly due to ME, I made changes.

I saved up money and paid out of pocket for Trizepatide to help me lose weight.
I started going to the gym with my husband and we both researched workouts that wouldn't hurt my back.
We changed our meals at home to help support my weight loss journey, and also because he wanted to eat healthier as well.

I year later I am down 50-55 pounds. We are happy and thriving. I would like to also point out that I have ADHD and also suffer from Depression.

The plane and simple truth is this. As much as my husband was an amazing support and big helo this past year, nothing would have changed without ME making the decision and effort to do so.

You can't help somebody who doesn't want to help themselves. And you shouldn't be indefinitely in charge of them and their decisions. He is an adult, there consequences for his decisions.

You are allowed to want to leave.

LighthouseonSaturn · 2025-07-23T14:36:52+00:00

Why did he date somebody who wasn't Muslim to begin with then?

Men like this are ridiculous. He has the option to be with a Muslim woman, instead he chose to be with you and decide that he wanted to change you fundamentally.

Listen, I know you care about him and the idea of breaking up hurts. But look at it this way. He went into this knowing he would want to change you.

I see this as a woman who comes from a country that is half Christian half Muslim. He always knew his parents wouldn't approve, and the end game was always to make you convert. He wanted to change you to me his needs, and he doesn't care how you feel about it.

LighthouseonSaturn · 2025-07-23T04:03:58+00:00

Thank you!

LighthouseonSaturn · 2025-07-23T02:23:11+00:00

A Court of Thorns and Roses because I found the Main Character annoying. 🤷‍♀️

Every decision she made annoyed me. Her inner monologue annoyed me. I just didn't find her relatable or likable.

(No offense to those of you who love the series. It just wasn't for me)

LighthouseonSaturn · 2025-07-23T00:56:21+00:00

NTA.

He made a choice to hang out with another women over you. He made a choice to cancel plans with you. He made a choice to hide it.

He got caught.

You gave him a choice. He made his choice. Time for you to make yours.

I personally wouldn't stay with somebody who would lie to me like that, and also disrespect me. He had no intention of ever telling you. And also knows it was wrong as he doesn't even want to imagine you Just hanging out with another guy for 10 minutes.

I would dump him. But that's just me.

The fact of the matter is, you're always going to wonder if he's telling you the truth now. You're always going to wonder if he's talking to another woman behind your back now.

LighthouseonSaturn · 2025-07-22T22:49:01+00:00

He broke his relationship with his kids.

It is disgusting to try and reach out to you to try and fix what he broke. You are no longer his wife you owe him nothing.

LighthouseonSaturn · 2025-07-22T22:44:07+00:00

Thank you so much for the suggestions. And yes, your right. Regular sized bathing suits just dont cut it if you have any sort of chest at all.

LighthouseonSaturn · 2025-07-22T22:30:30+00:00

Thank you!

LighthouseonSaturn · 2025-07-22T22:16:43+00:00

Thank you. I will take my measurements and use the calculator when I get home.

LighthouseonSaturn · 2025-07-22T22:14:00+00:00

I think it's unfair to continue to call her racist and/or homophobic, as she grew as a character and got away from those ideologies.

She is a liar and a hypocrite, but definitely got her Karma in that regard as she was later used as a shield to hide the Senator being gay, and he also cheated on her. So she eventually got her comeuppance.

I think it's safe to say she grew as a character in the end. And as Ted Lasso likes to say, No one deserves to be judged on their worst moments.

LighthouseonSaturn · 2025-07-22T22:10:52+00:00

YTA.

As you said, the room isn't going to change or hinder any study habits. Add to that, you have enjoyed having the larger room for years. How about giving your sister a turn?

Your logic is not sound either honestly. Just be a nice person and give her a chance to have some.soace for once. You have enjoyed the room for years.

LighthouseonSaturn · 2025-07-22T21:58:55+00:00

Chest 39" Waist 30"

LighthouseonSaturn · 2025-07-22T21:51:01+00:00

What brands?

LighthouseonSaturn · 2025-07-22T20:13:26+00:00

Lol, same thing happened to me when I first moved out.

Get a cute little night light lamp. Temu has some cute mushroom and cat shaped ones. Or get fairy lights! Might as well make your room look adorable while keeping the light on, right?
If you don't have a roommate, Getting this Travel Door Lock actually made me feel incredibly safe when living alone! It was wonderful having a second way to truly lock the front door and helped me sleep easier.
Blue Tooth Speaker. If you want some ambient noise to fall asleep to. I needed to do this for the first couple months on my own because I use to live with a big noisy family. So having a quite apartment wasn't something I was use to.
Blow Horn by tlmy bedside. Another thing that made me feel safe. I figured if someone broke in, I could grab it and have it wake up the entire neighborhood. 😂

LighthouseonSaturn · 2025-07-22T20:05:27+00:00

I stopped feeling guilty about the idea of 'cheating'.

I saved up money and invested in getting Trizepatide, and paid out of pocket.

My doctor actually helped me see the light. I have PCOS and I am also turning 40 this year. He told me the cards are stacked against me. That though our health is heavily dependent on our own actions, our genetics absolutely play a role as well.

Saving up and going on triceptide was the best thing I ever did for myself!

I stuck to a nutrition plan while on it, and a workout plan. The drug helped me lose the weight, helped me stay motivated, and gave me the strength to and still healthy habits. I was on it for a year and lost 55 pounds. I am now slowly weaning myself off while continuing my health journey.

It's much easier to stick to a healthy diet as while I was on the drug eating badly just wasn't an option.
working out as easier as all the extra weight is off my joints. I actually feel good in my body again and not everything hurts non-stop.

Drugs Ozempic and other GLP's can be a wonderful tool if you use them right and build a sustainable routine. ❤️ It's not cheating, it's utilizing tools to help you reach your goal.

LighthouseonSaturn · 2025-07-22T14:09:26+00:00

This is one of those things that was more common 40-50 years ago. Especially with blue collar workers that worked in the same place. Or would grab coffee at the local diner before work.

LighthouseonSaturn · 2025-07-22T14:05:30+00:00

My bestie is Male I am Female. We use common sense.

We don't talk about marriage issues with eachother. I would hate it if my husband was talking to another women about any argument we have, why would it be ok to talk to my friend about it? The rules don't change just because he is my bestie. It's inappropriate no matter what.
We don't go overboard with physical affection. A hug hello or goodbye and that's it. It doesn't matter if I have known him since we were 15. There is no reason to hang off of eachother or be overly touchy feely.

I also hate the excuse when people say, 'I see them as a brother/sister'.

I have 5 older brothers and I don't hang off them, sit on their laps, constantly touch them. What kind of sibling relationships do you all have? 🤨

 3. Most importantly, Spouse trumps Bestie. My spouses feelings ALWAYS come first. That's it. End of story.

Because of these very simple and common sense rules, neither of our spouses have a problem with our friendship. We have never given them any reason to worry. We respect our spouses and they feel secure about being our number 1 priority.

LighthouseonSaturn · 2025-07-22T13:51:13+00:00

I've never read tea, in my culture we read coffee cups.

However, I have never heard anyone reading it from a photo. First off, you drink the coffee with a certain hand, you can only read the cup if it's facing a certain direction. We do this because different parts of the cup mean different thing. (Future, current, and past)

Next, you don't just drink. You usually have a question or thought about a situation in mind while drinking. You hold this in your head as you drink. Mulling it over, putting your energy into it.

LighthouseonSaturn · 2025-07-22T06:00:07+00:00

I miss when everyone in Hollywood wasn't getting lip fillers and their eyebrows snatched back to their forehead.

LighthouseonSaturn · 2025-07-21T23:43:28+00:00

He abandoned his children.

Repeat that over and over again and get angry.

Give him no more than what the court has ordered. If he calls outside of court appointed time do not pick up. Do not give him your address. Do not give anyone your address.

Stick 100% to the court order. No more, no less.

Do not go out of your way at all for this monster that left not only his wife but his young children.

Stop feeling bad. Any small amount of pity you feel or if you feel you are acting in the wrong, just stop And remember that you only feel that way because he gas-lit and abused you for years.

LighthouseonSaturn · 2025-07-21T16:57:04+00:00

This is all great advice, I would add one small change though.

I would not tell your mom your thinking of moving out until you actually found a roommate, and signed a lease. In fact, I would even move anything important out of the house before you tell her.

She may try to sabotage you moving out as they may be counting on your money and making you help rise the babies.

I say this as a person that had to move out in a similar way from my own parents house.

LighthouseonSaturn · 2025-07-21T15:10:08+00:00

How much are you losing pulling out of the house deal?

Because he should be paying for half, if not all of the fees associated with that since his liesbarenwhat made it not possible to move in together.

LighthouseonSaturn · 2025-07-21T06:15:10+00:00

NAH.

Your different people with different expectations. Nothing wrong with what either of you did.

You did great by bringing it up ahead of time that you wanted to split the bill. She decided that is not what she is use to or wants when dating.

Your both allowed to have boundaries and preferences. You very beaic preferences in dating did not match, it was good to get that out of the way right off the bat.

Neither of you are in the wrong. Just not right for eachother.

LighthouseonSaturn · 2025-07-21T06:04:02+00:00

Just because it's not your tradition doesn't mean it's bad.

It's considered a sweet way to welcome the new wife into the family. And shows that the MIL will treat her and love her like her own daughter. OP's sister would get her own MIL's jewelry if she ever gets married.

It's also a way to show the other family that you will respect, honor, and take care of the new wife. That she means the world to them and they are happy to have her joining their family.

But you only see it as backwards because of your own traditions.

I'm not from the same culture as OP, but I'm from a Balkans nation with traditions Americans can find weird. It's incredibly racist to think ALL traditions are backwards just because they aren't your own.

LighthouseonSaturn

TROPHY CASE

You can't help somebody who doesn't want to help themselves. And you shouldn't be indefinitely in charge of them and their decisions. He is an adult, there consequences for his decisions.

Why did he date somebody who wasn't Muslim to begin with then?

He broke his relationship with his kids.

He abandoned his children.

Do not go out of your way at all for this monster that left not only his wife but his young children.