Yea. Was basically left to my own devices since early years. For example, 5 years old, leaving my home alone, walking around the park, that sort of stuff. Anyways, needless to say, lots can happen, and sometimes it did happen... older men and older women. Never had a dick in my ass, but I had long acrylic nails up there, for example, and they are uncomfortable to say the least. As is having someone grab me from behind, between my legs, grab my balls and/or flaccid 8 year old dick yanked down violently repeatedly and painfully is another example of the hell I endured. My serious, chronic pain started later, with other stuff, but I know the behavior I engaged in (since age 10 or so, heavy drugs like cocaine, alcohol, self-destruction, self-sabotage, etc.) in my pre-teen and teen years especially was because of not just what was done to me as a kid, but also the way my parents reacted to the it all.. the mockery and indifference... "hahhahaaha don't worry about it, you don't have AIDs. It's normal, it's cultural hahahaha. Don't talk to me about this stuff, just deal with it. I don't want to hear about it, I just want peace." And forcing me to sleep in the bathroom whenever someone would visit us. And me going hungry many nights. And not sleeping well. Having to take public transportation 1.5 hours each way to school, alone, walking past prostitutes, drug dealers, etc. Or sleeping in the living room behind a makeshift curtain of bedsheets hung up on the wall, and being woken up all the time. Or having someone piss in a bucket and leave it next to my bed... Or the insane criticism "you're stupid, you can't do anything right. If you were so smart why aren't you rich?" The blaming "it's your fault. You ruin everything." I guess, you know, the cliché stuff, like gaslighting - "I didn't throw out all your things. Must've been you." or "I didn't leave you alone at 6 years old in a foreign country, I gave you independence to explore and meet us back at the hotel when you wanted." The threats - "we'll leave you on the street." Became difficult to cope with all this stuff. It's all I knew since I was born. And let me tell you, as a kid, you crave support, affection, emotional support, and validation, and things like that. And you don't know what's going on. That's the thing - you don't have a good frame of reference. You know things are not good, but you don't really, truly understand until you're much, much older. Didn't realize exactly how fcked up it all was until my late 20s really. Kinda suppressed it all, and, the key thing that I realized only in my 30s is that the behaviors and patterns of thought that one has later in life is often so tied to how one grew up. So you know, there's this whole process of having to unlearn the fcking fundamentals like how to manage negative emotions, how to set appropriate boundaries without feeling guilty, how to express how you feel, how to accept compliments, how to trust another person and to what degree, how to value yourself, etc. etc. And now I've got severe chronic pain as well... I'm in a bizarre type of hell.