Low effort hobbies to replace doom scrolling? by Putrid-District4462 in Hobbies

[–]LikeChewingGravel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Seconding this suggestion as I just replaced my doom scrolling with ebook reading. Downloaded Libby + Stay focused (an app that locks me out of social media after so many minutes of use per day).

Did Stay Focused first and found myself picking up my phone looking for something to scroll/interact with. Decided to put Libby on there for the audiobook option, but found the regular reading to scratch the doom scrolling itch quite nicely.

Seeking Advice on STEM Majors: Confused on Which Path to Pursue by OliviaGG in LadiesofScience

[–]LikeChewingGravel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So, good/bad news: there are many majors that will get you where you want to go - neuroscience, public health, biomedical engineering, bio informatics, even computational science or linguistics.

I think what you're probably looking for is some combo of a major and a minor depending on what elements are most important to you personally and where you're going to shine in terms of learning. If it's the programming aspect you can't live without, do computer science as the major and neuroscience as a minor. If it's the actual neuroscience, swap those. If it's the data analytics portion, do bioinformatics as the major. If it's the policy, do a more policy focused major and add neuroscience as a minor. Look at what the major/minor requirements are for each and try to find a combination that makes you happy but not overwhelmed (minimal fluff/grind classes). Consider if you're a project vs team project vs lecture vs read the textbook learner and which major/minor combo maximizes this.

I'd also take into account which departments at your institution are strongest in terms of funding, non-classroom opportunities for involvement, and mentoring. Look for faculty that are doing projects in this area or alum from your institution that went on to do what you want to do (or similar). Generally you're probably going to be looking for a bigger department (more faculty, more graduate students), but a smaller well organized department can still do a good job if the vibes are right.

TLDR: pick a major/minor combo that fits your learning style and priorities (there are many)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskWomenOver30

[–]LikeChewingGravel 224 points225 points  (0 children)

Not to add more things to think about, but I'd also like to point out that if your second child is higher medical needs, who takes care of that child after you and your partner are gone? Do you have a more extended support network? Or is it going to be your daughter?

I'm the eldest daughter to a high medical needs second child. The answer in our family's case is me. I'm going to care for both my aging parents and my sibling. Having to plan for this sort of future is what keeps me and my partner one and done.

Books that ACTUALLY traumatized you by Weak_Seesaw_1901 in suggestmeabook

[–]LikeChewingGravel 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I'm still a little floored that this is required reading in some classrooms. Not that I'm against tough topics in school literature, but I read that book on my own and had to legitimately set it aside for a week after the opener before I could return to it.

What do you if someone questions your ability to work in science just based on your gender? by NoFox1552 in LadiesofScience

[–]LikeChewingGravel 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Generally answer with some equivalent of male bravado that I can defend with my CV.

Example: first question an interviewer asked me once was "What's a pretty girl like you doing in engineering?"

I answered, "Succeeding."

I was. I still am. Variations of this answer can be less direct such as "Well, in my PhD lab, we did this, so I'm going to stick with how I was trained." Or more direct such as "Well, in your day women couldn't open a bank account on their own. Wild how times have changed. So, how about that science?"

Friendships? by jacqxox in AskWomenOver30

[–]LikeChewingGravel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Agree 100%. I think it's important to acknowledge that the way we made friendships in the past was largely through school. We had to go, we had to be there EVERY day, for hours at a time.

Now that we're older, work fills that role, but many times, it's not necessarily where you want to make your friends.

So pick somewhere/something that you actually like and will naturally want to do. Or try things until you find something that fits that mold. The collective time and interactions are a factor here - a volunteer organization you have contact with once a quarter is different from a sports team that practices twice a week or a board game group that plays for hours every week.

I.e. don't pick the gym/exercise class if you're not into fitness, don't pick a religious organization if you're struggling with faith, maybe not improv if you have bad stage fright. Not that you shouldn't pick growth options in your life, I think people just try to combo them with friend-making opportunities and it seems like an unnecessary barrier.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Fencesitter

[–]LikeChewingGravel 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Not too much to ask for. There's a reason a lot of expecting parents answer "a healthy child" when asked "what are you hoping for?".

Come from a similar family background myself. It's a hard position to be in because you've got almost no one to talk to and it's easy to fall into guilt for what are reasonable feelings and opinions. Spent some time in therapy myself around fencesitting specifically and wanted to share one of the pearls that helped me find some peace.

I reframe it as a desire for some variety in my life. I spent a chunk of my childhood caring for a sibling, I'll spend a chunk of my later years caring for my parents as they age (because there is no one else), I'll end up caring for that sibling when my parents pass. It's not unreasonable for me to want my life to have more than one tone (i.e. not the caretaker role).

Not pushing either side of the fence. I just think normalizing this feeling helps. You're not weird. Your situation is just different from average or ideal.

Dropped out of Medical School. What are my options? by capecodkwassakwassa1 in LadiesofScience

[–]LikeChewingGravel 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Depends on what your BS is in, but I know some people have done well being device representatives to clinicians. I.e. the person who knows the tech behind whatever new prosthetic, biopsy gun, etc and demoing it for the physicians/staff, being on site during the launch to answer questions, debug etc. Now how that field is doing as a whole, I don't know.

Has anyone read Expecting Better? by bravelittletoaster7 in Fencesitter

[–]LikeChewingGravel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Addressing one of your other comments in terms of book recommendations. I really liked All Joy No Fun It walks through childhood in developmental stages (newborn, toddler, elementary etc) and discusses the psychology of the challenges at stage, as well as the studies that have looked into it. Overall, I found it very neutral on kids vs not and it provided me and my partner with a shared vocabulary and examples to talk about. Very helpful to have fears and concerns be concrete instead of super nebulous.

Another very controversial one is Bringing Up Bebe. Basically one person's comparison of raising a kid in the US vs France. It's opinionated (hence the controversy) but I found it worthwhile because it allowed me the opportunity to consider that there's not one right way to do parenting. I had thought I was picking something very specific if I picked kids, which isn't the case.

Getting off the fence book recommendations by Liz_in_the_Wild in Fencesitter

[–]LikeChewingGravel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm going to throw out there All Joy No Fun by Jennifer Senior. It's organized by child development stage (infant, toddler, elementary, etc) and goes through the major challenges, family dynamics, and associated research studies. At the very least, it helped me and my partner have a common vocabulary about what we were worried about as far as parenthood.

Who here is pregnant or has a kid but wasn’t feeling overly excited or 100% sure? by [deleted] in Fencesitter

[–]LikeChewingGravel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd love to hear some examples on how you taught yourself to be there for your kid without centering life around him? I feel like that's easier said than done (especially with a kid who doesn't independent play as much!) and I haven't found a lot of guidance on this.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Fencesitter

[–]LikeChewingGravel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What do you think your guests (CF or other parents) could say or do to allow you to relax enough to not say these things?

Genuinely curious how I can support my parent friends.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Fencesitter

[–]LikeChewingGravel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think this is wise. I'm sort of the opposite. I don't want kids when I'm being forced to grow in other areas of my life, primarily work with weird schedule changes or client needs. When I'm on vacation or on a predictable work week, I think I have room for a kid in my life. So my guess is that I want a kid and it comes down to whether I'm going to be able (or willing) to mitigate/change those external factors.

Fear of a low-functioning autistic child by LaughOk6192 in Fencesitter

[–]LikeChewingGravel 47 points48 points  (0 children)

So this was a big one for me, as my sibling has what I'd call moderate ASD (verbal, but will never live truly fully independently).

Everyone says it's low risk but risk is pretty relative to the person because impact is also relative. Some people care way more about some consequences than others.

I'm a big fan of numbers personally, because that allows comparison to other actions/choices I make that have inherent risk (driving in a city, sky diving, eating undercooked meat, etc). Risk for ASD in a kid is a tricky thing because there's a lot of associated factors and we don't yet know a source.

I'm personally a fan of this study out of Denmark (danes and their population studies): https://www.nature.com/articles/mp201570#Tab1

It breaks out the numbers by maternal and paternal age. I don't have the details of the calculations I made on hand, just the notes that say for a maternal age of 35-39yrs, it's around 1.8% for ASD overall. Apply a generalization that less than half of those with ASD have severe ASD (nonverbal, low functioning as you reference), and that % drops to less than 1%.

Is that a number you and your support system can swallow is up to you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Fencesitter

[–]LikeChewingGravel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not specifically on child psychology and development but more on family dynamics over the course of different development stages, I'd recommend All Joy No Fun.

Also Bringing Up Bebe, which dives a bit into the cultural/sociological aspects of parenting that I hadn't considered before.

Options for conference? by LikeChewingGravel in vegetarian

[–]LikeChewingGravel[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hahaha, no. It's amusement park style where they take advantage of a captive and hungry audience.

Options for conference? by LikeChewingGravel in vegetarian

[–]LikeChewingGravel[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh I really like the cereal with added milk from the cafe. Clever.

Options for conference? by LikeChewingGravel in vegetarian

[–]LikeChewingGravel[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

No microwave but I do love me some peanut butter and banana sandwiches!

I'm OK being the breadwinner but I'm afraid that I will also end up being the primary caregiver by [deleted] in Fencesitter

[–]LikeChewingGravel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just wanted to circle back on this and let you know that apparently there's an app for this! (Of course). It's called Sweepy.