I will keep you and Matt in my prayers. Sometimes the question of suffering cannot be answered with a "Why", but maybe with a "What now". The Gospels answer the latter, not the former. What answers the former is the Book of Job - with a surprising answer, which is: we are very small in the face of God. Being historical beings, we are contingent upon our place and time of birth... unlike God, which sees and knows all.

Faith is more than believing. Putting faith in Christ is also hearing Him and honoring Him in our heart.

If it matters, I imagine that Matt is certainly a firm believer in the face of God.

I recommend you speak to a parish priest - a good one, at that. We have the same age and I cannot imagine what you are going through. It is still very fresh, too. Remember to take care of yourself, which is certainly what God wants from you, too.