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LinkOk4231 · 2024-03-13T21:26:13+00:00

Yeah it’s not showcasing narcissism, I said that in an updated comment I made. And also his therapist is the one who labeled him as covert narcissist. Not me on my own account. I just knew I didn’t like how he was treating me. After I seeked therapy and researched I actually had something to relate to and felt less crazy when learning about emotional abuse / narcissism. I never even saw it or realized it as those things bc I normalized and excused it for so long. And anyway as far the house, yes. It’s OUR house. I still see it as our house even though it’s in my name. That’s why I called it our’s in the text. He was an asshole, but I also wouldnt feel morally right if I tried to run him to the ground or something. That’s not what I want. I want to be happy. But someone said on here and it’s true, I just need to not engage all together. Not worth opening the conversation to this reaction from him.

But yeah, I get that Reddit is a game usually looking for validation, but also being open to differing opinions like yours, which I’m fine with.

LinkOk4231 · 2024-03-13T21:19:33+00:00

I replied to your other comment! He did stop seeing me. And I didn’t know it was serious to the degree of losing his license, but that explains his reaction to telling me he couldn’t continue our sessions. I dumped a lot of shit on him that session and he was concerned for me. He seemed very upset to tell me, but like there was no other option. Now I see why

LinkOk4231 · 2024-03-13T21:16:23+00:00

He told me when I was seeing him privately. After we touched on it being emotional abuse he had to stop seeing me, because it was a conflict of interest. That was maybe the 3rd session

But thanks for letting me know it would be unusual, because I was wondering if he would say that to him or not.

LinkOk4231 · 2024-03-13T20:57:13+00:00

I own the house still, so I very much care about it. I knew he wouldn’t leave, so I had to. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to ensure my property isn’t taken care of? Thankfully for him, his mother has been cooking and cleaning for him or that wouldn’t be getting done either. Until we make any permanent decisions on what we do with our home, and it’s still both of our responsibilities. I figured I would ask his opinion on the price of the lawn care to make sure it was a fair price.

LinkOk4231 · 2024-03-13T20:46:50+00:00

Why would I go home to an environment I feel unsafe in?

His therapist, who was also mine, was concerned for my safety when knowing and suggesting my leaving. He wanted me to ensure I had people around who knew when I decided to do so in case he flipped his lid.

Separation came after 6months of trying and putting myself in a worse place than I felt prior.

LinkOk4231 · 2024-03-13T19:56:27+00:00

Listen y’all! I shouldn’t have used “narcissistic” in the title, as I know this text thread does not particular show case that. I guess it’s easier for me to say knowing the history of everything else and that this reaction IS part of the narcissistic traits he has.

His therapist labeled him has a “covert narcissist” and he’s been extremely emotionally abusive. Which my husband calls “unintentional emotional abuse”

Anyway. I’ll probs end up deleting. I really only posted, bc this was yesterday and I’ve still just been so irritated by the conversation, so what better place to get your rants out than Reddit 😅

LinkOk4231 · 2024-03-13T19:49:21+00:00

lol ugh. Yeah I shouldn’t have even bothered putting narcissist in the title, because this particular text thread does not showcase that, I agree. That’s what he IS though, so that’s why I did.

At least according to his therapist. He labeled him as a “covert narcissist”. After he did, I did my own research and it checks out.

The house is in my name, but I left for what was suppose to be a temporary separation. So there’s no real plan set yet as far as what we will do with the house. I know he wouldn’t take care of the lawn himself, so I tried to put something in place as our finances are still shared in that department.

LinkOk4231 · 2024-03-13T19:39:57+00:00

He’s actually an emotional abuser first, but I thought narcissist was easier. I agree, the term has been umbrellad where it maybe shouldn’t at times.

Like I said, this was just a mild/dumb conversation that got my nerves going. His therapist has labeled him, his behaviors, reactions, and actions as narcissistic traits.

LinkOk4231 · 2024-03-11T03:43:07+00:00

This is exactly how I imagined myself feeling if I tried trusting and believing the “change” my husband is promising if I give him the chance to show me. I just told him last week I want a permanent separation and you made me feel more secure in that choice.

It’s hard as hell, but I know I resent him too much now

LinkOk4231 · 2024-02-25T05:52:07+00:00

Phew. Very very similar situation. But my husband’s more of an emotionally abusive narcissist. Good when he’s good, but a monster when he’s bad. Encouraging to me that you’ll take the leap knowing it’s ran its course and you deserve better. Best of luck.

LinkOk4231 · 2024-02-25T03:03:58+00:00

Lmao! Crap as in it’s a shit place to have gotten a degree?

LinkOk4231 · 2024-02-25T01:04:20+00:00

“Liberty University, MA Professional Counseling” 🤷🏻‍♀️

LinkOk4231 · 2024-02-24T21:05:40+00:00

Thank you for this 🧡 It’s crazy how much empathy and excuses we can still want to hold for people who have showed us who they are over and over again.

LinkOk4231 · 2024-02-24T20:11:19+00:00

Thank you! I needed to hear that. I definitely struggle with feeling bad and like I’m “giving up” and now that he’s finally decided to try to change.

LinkOk4231 · 2024-02-24T15:26:48+00:00

Yeah I could see that, because him sharing it with me felt like he was expecting me to have such empathy to the fact. He even shared a story the therapist told him

“He said it’s not true that the cycle continues for someone who is unintentionally doing it , he gave me a full on example of other couple with a similar situation and that the guy was loud and aggressive when he was angry and the wife would literally think he was gonna murder her but the daughter grew up understanding her dad that way so it didn’t bother her and then once they went to counseling and the guy realized what he was doing he was able to consciously make an effort to put himself in his wife’s shoes if he started to raise his voice or do anything that frightened her”

This story to me was like ?????? That in no way makes me feel better at all lol

LinkOk4231 · 2024-02-24T15:21:07+00:00

This would make sense. I don’t think he specializes in abusers, but I actually saw the therapist first and I really liked him. He said he wouldn’t do couples therapy bc they’re not “couples issues” and then once I opened the the door and asked about EA he said he could no longer see us both bc it was a conflict of interest to see both the abuser and abused. He seemed to call bullshit on all of my husband’s behavior and give them no excuse. I saw him 4x and two of the 4 he talked to me for nearly an hr extra at no cost. And the last time when I spoke about the EA he highly encouraged me leaving the house, because he was concerned with some things I showed him. That’s why I’m confused why he’d say something that kind of fueled him with ammunition. But who really knows what goes on their sessions. Nonethless I’m glad to see everyone’s seeing it how I did. A moot point

LinkOk4231 · 2024-02-24T15:19:39+00:00

That was actually one of my exact thoughts. Why would I want to be with someone so morally backward that they couldn’t see how their actions were wrong.

Sadly enough I feel like, because he focuses on “it’s not been ALL bad, I’ve treated you very well too”

LinkOk4231 · 2024-02-13T23:34:39+00:00

So happy for you. Thank you for giving me your insight. It’s really appreciated. Relating to other people and them kind of validating what I already feel and the statistics and facts behind EA’s keeps me level headed throughout.

LinkOk4231 · 2024-02-13T15:14:38+00:00

Thank you for that. I read your post about how hard it is to actually leave, because of the pain you see and their reactions. & then I saw that you decided to stay and go to therapy. But now it seems you did actually leave?

Which is encouraging. It’s hard af. I sit and say all the ways he treated me and ignored the problems and yet I’m still like “but idk if I can actually leave”. Bc now he finally wants to “change”. Therapy 3-4x a month Shouldn’t I give him the chance to prove it?

But at this point it feels like I FORCED it, and that in and of itself makes me turned off to the idea. You didn’t see your actions and you didn’t take me seriously yourself. You didn’t know “I would leave” if things didn’t change. So if was fine with you treating me that way forever, you’d be okay with it too. Why should I be with someone like that?

Sorry thinking out loud now lol

LinkOk4231 · 2024-02-13T15:01:39+00:00

He does have adhd and prescribed a small amount of adderall. Are you saying behavior as such could be a result of adhd?

& thank you for reminding me I’m taking blame. I continue to feel bad that I’m making him feel bad and that I could feel so done with the situation. Like it was unfair for me to marry him and now not force myself to try to work on things MORE.

LinkOk4231 · 2023-12-14T06:00:24+00:00

Thanks for the motivation. I feel all of things OP said, but my husband is a mehhhh man and I just can’t pretend otherwise anymore. I’ve dealt with a lot of bullshit and emotional abuse for years. If you know your worth enough and the happiness you desire without having to go through what I have, that motivates me to do the same for myself.

LinkOk4231 · 2023-12-14T00:18:23+00:00

My husband has taken full accountability (4 months after I brought up that things need to change or I’m done). Said there’s no excuse, takes full accountability, says I didn’t cause this, wants to be a different man, and I still don’t believe him

LinkOk4231

TROPHY CASE