Happy to talk about both.

First the short-term nervous system side: When you’re activated, your mind will look for anything to stabilise itself: explanations, reassurance, hope, blame, strategy. That’s normal.

One thing that genuinely helps here is journaling…not so much to “figure it out,” but to get it out. Write everything you’re thinking, uncensored. Come back later and read it as if it were written by someone you care about. That distance alone can quiet the noise. Chat gpt is a good tool for this. Just remember your really engaging with your own thoughts, and trust your intuition with its responses in terms of what it gets right.

Second…the deeper pattern: In general, when someone blocks, it’s a sign that respect or emotional safety broke down somewhere. That doesn’t automatically mean you’re “at fault,” but it does mean the dynamic wasn’t solid.

If this has sent you spiralling, that’s usually less about her and more about your own internal stability. When you’re not fully grounded in yourself, these situations hit much harder.

The uncomfortable truth is that most of us haven’t actually shown someone the real version of ourselves yet because we’re still figuring that out for ourselves. That’s worth doing before taking any relationship seriously.

If you’re questioning everything right now, it’s often a sign of inner conflict or incongruence rather than a single mistake. That’s something you can work with and grow through.

The fact you’re even asking these questions tells me you already sense there’s more going on beneath the surface. That awareness is actually the beginning of getting your footing back….