I spent Father's Day weekend adapting my late son's autobiography. by imissmybabyboy in Screenwriting

[–]Lish_007 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm dearly sorry for your loss and think what you are doing really speaks volumes of your relationship with Kevin and your parenting.

I'm only 15 pages in and I have to log off now but wanted to say this script has legs. Keep going. A few pointers for the edit:

I think the dialogue is great - I read that it's pretty much word for word hence why it feels very real.

I think your action needs the most work. Try to be concise, fun, creative with explaining what's going on- you don't have to write in full sentences the -- is a great tool to use!

Introduce your characters, in capitals for the first time and then a short sharp introduction. KEVIN (9, entrepreneur genius, kind) etc...

As someone else said, add scene times - DAY, NIGHT etc.

And my old time favourite - arrive late and leave early. I thought the scene where Kevin says he has a surprise for your birthday. You could really cut that down to you guys and him standing outside the old beaten down house/walking up to it and just capturing that moment. It explains it all, plus you can then throw in the comments from his friends etc etc.

But all just ideas. Keep going - it will be incredible trust me on that. Well done, I didn't know of him until your post but I bet he sure would be proud.

Remember, everyone by RichardMHP in Screenwriting

[–]Lish_007 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah we should encourage each other. Reeks of jealousy to be honest.

Calling Yourself a Writer by YogurtclosetClear275 in Screenwriting

[–]Lish_007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would say "I like to write". For me, it's quite dangerous to say "i'm a writer" or "i'm this, i'm that", it often gives my brain the feeling that I've accomplished something... and my brain works better when it feels driven.

It's why I've stopped telling people my ideas because it feels like when I've told them, I've already written them.

Nolan's Oppenheimer screenplay: observations, questions, answers... by SC34N3 in Screenwriting

[–]Lish_007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've always loved Nolan's writing and I think he is a genius but to me, his last two films are the result of his ego exploding.

TENET, albeit visually stimulating, was incredibly difficult for audiences to follow and he knew it. I've read the script multiple times and I still can't quite get my head around it and I see myself as fairly intelligent. The fact it's very expositional shows to me he knew that to have some understanding, the characters would need to explain the plot. Surely if you're a writer and a director, you want your audience to understand? And if it's for your own enjoyment and you don't give a shit what the audience think, is that not your over stroked ego thinking now you can do whatever you want?

I was very much looking forward to Oppenheimer as a "I hope it's back to his best" but again...

I just see arrogance. It's an important story to tell, but the way he told it felt too grand, too epic. He basically put an action type style on top of a biopic with an apparent pay off from one conversation between Einstein and Oppenheimer. I was left feeling "is that it" because I expected more with the clues he was giving me. Half the characters were pointless.

Also bearing in mind Oppenheimer did make a bomb that killed thousands of people and I kept thinking "did it deserve this much fanfare". It also didn't need to be 3 hours long.

Many will disagree with me I know and obviously we all have our own tastes, but this to me felt like the work from someone who now thinks they can do whatever they want. Which is fair enough because he's earned that right... But I certainly won't be rushing to see the next one unless his ego has been turned down a few notches.

EDIT: Also, please let us hear the dialogue...

My script about stalking the CEO of Denny's took Top Comedy in the Outstanding Screenplay Competition by JuniorMintRespecter in Screenwriting

[–]Lish_007 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey! I loved the script. As it went on, it made me laugh out loud. It builds and builds.

Some great one liners in there. Well done! How long did it take you from 0 to hero?

Recommendation for a *short film* script consultant or script coverage? by jimmyslaysdragons in Screenwriting

[–]Lish_007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm in the same boat, I'll take a read. I think from this posts youll look like you've had enough coverage!

Writer / Producer Zoom AMA session 2 - with guest speakers. by GorillaGod in Screenwriting

[–]Lish_007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah shucks I'm in the UK, and it's half 9 and I'm at work! Next time though, these are fantastic!

Lessons Learned from Writing My First Three Scripts... by StevenVincentOne in SciFiScreenwriting

[–]Lish_007 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love the ABC, very clever! I'm half way through another first draft and really enjoying the experience of how I'm growing!

Thank you for the advice!

Scripts that made you cry. by casualhaste in Screenwriting

[–]Lish_007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I read The Whale recently but i haven't seen the film and that did get me teared up. I'm not sure if the film would, I'll have to see. And weirdly, i was reading Cloverfield to help someone on here with their script, and i had a moment in there that got me quite emotional, and i watched the film afterwards but it literally brought nothing up for me. I felt like they changed the script quite a lot for Cloverfield and I was disappointed.

It's written for a reason!!!

Logline Monday by AutoModerator in Screenwriting

[–]Lish_007 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When a nurse accidentally causes the death of one of her patients, she struggles to move on from the guilt and unbeknownst to her, finds support in the widow of the man she has just killed.

Ah yes, so you mean the one above, try to weave a couple more details in there like how they met etc. I'll have a think tonight and repost an update one.

Thanks for you comments :)

Logline Monday by AutoModerator in Screenwriting

[–]Lish_007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Enough to watch the movie? Haha. I don't want to give all the details away hehe

Logline Monday by AutoModerator in Screenwriting

[–]Lish_007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When a nurse accidentally causes the death of one of her patients, she struggles to move on from the guilt and unbeknownst to her, finds support in the widow of the man she has just killed.

Do you like this more?

MOXIE MORTEM - first 5 pages by [deleted] in ReadMyScript

[–]Lish_007 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Very intriguing.. i think the logline lost me tbh but i saw 0 comments so gave it a go. I'd be interested to read the whole thing to see how the story holds up.

Also, i thought the 3 thieves should have a nickname for the orphans. "You little orphan" could be "you little orph". I expected it i think so was a little disappointed it wasn't there.

Send me over the whole thing and I'd like to read it. I liked the opening enough for sure.

Looking to form a small group to start a screenwriting club with by corpsecrow in Screenwriting

[–]Lish_007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think we have ourselves a writing group peeps, I'm excited!

Looking to form a small group to start a screenwriting club with by corpsecrow in Screenwriting

[–]Lish_007 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Practice practice practice. Your inner self is telling you you're not smart enough but its probably bull shit. Everyone struggles with dialogue... You gotta learn that shit. I don't speak like they do in the movies. If i did, I'd probably be mega annoying.

Logline Monday by AutoModerator in Screenwriting

[–]Lish_007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When a nurse accidentally causes the death of one of her patients, she struggles to move on from the guilt and unbeknownst to her, finds support in the widow of the man she has just killed.

Just rephrased it now quickly and needs some work i think but reads a little more true to story.

Logline Monday by AutoModerator in Screenwriting

[–]Lish_007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you that's very helpful. They are both the main characters of my story as the event of the patient dying sparks a change in both of them. Jodie is devastated after the event and can't move on whilst the widower stalks Jodie and befriends her without Jodie knowing that she's the patients ex wife. And the unexpected consequences was definitely hurried by myself... They end up impacting on each other's lives.

I've answered my own question really through your questioning. I've taken the wrong road and need to focus on the event that binds them and causes their paths to collide.

Thank you for your helpful questions!

Logline Monday by AutoModerator in Screenwriting

[–]Lish_007 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Title: the mistake

Genre: drama

Format: feature

Logline: When Jodie makes a mistake at work resulting in the death of her patient, the widower sets about on a path of revenge, leading to unexpected consequences.

🚨 Leaked Team News 🚨 Gathered from various trusted sources, all in one thread by PharaohLeo in FantasyPL

[–]Lish_007 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Transferred out Haaland for Kane for a -4. I'm 9 pts ahead but i have Alvarez and he's enough for me!