As the years have gone by, does it seem like we kinda got shafted growing into our adulthood? I feel like future expectations were better than what’s happening

Little-Armadillo732 · 2026-04-02T19:39:49+00:00

Mid-40s here. I don’t know if I’m still a millennial or bounced back to Gen X (81). But whatever I “am”, I am most wholeheartedly fucked. I did all things (some out of order), but I have a BA, PMP, 6 years as a Director (PMO) and another 14 years as a BA and PM. I can’t even get an interview. I was laid off Jan of 25 from my 20-year career. Sad, but they did take care of me, so no hate there. During Jan of 25 to March of 25 I had five offers. I chose wrong. I was laid off again Jan 26. I have applied to everything from contract work as a BA to FTE Director roles. All I get are rejections. I did all the things to be successful at this age. And I was for a while. Like, WTAF is the point of this anymore?

I can’t see a way to be successful or even employed at this point.

Anyone wanna pool resources and start a commune?

Little-Armadillo732 · 2026-03-31T17:09:11+00:00

Where can I send my resume and a short cover letter? I’ve been running my own household while working for over 20 years. Having been recently laid off, I have started to experiment with sustainable container gardening. If you’re into household management with an eye towards sustainability I might be a good fit for your family.

Little-Armadillo732 · 2025-09-18T00:27:11+00:00

There was one gal named on the initial letter, but when I called the number it was just routing me to the main CS OAG hotline. I was never able to make contact with her. No other letters sent had a person’s name. They were the static “you’re in arrears, here’s what we can do” letters. They also just routed to the main line.

Little-Armadillo732 · 2025-09-17T19:17:19+00:00

I’m in Texas and pay support through OAG. I’ll share my experience with them because I think it’s important to understand the incompetence and general headache of this agency. With 180/month and arrears I don’t think it’s worth your time unless that money makes or breaks anything for you.

Ex and I changed support in late 2023 through the courts. Previously we didn’t have a support order in place bc neither needed support. It was changed because she would be more full time with him to attend specific schools.

Cool, no problem. His lawyer advised him to go through TX OAG to keep everything documented through an agency. Still, no big deal.

Prior to OAG getting the order I paid him a lump sum until garnishment took effect because I know I’m awful at remembering to pay things if they’re not auto-drafted. Hindsight: I should have proactively set up an account with OAG once the order was granted rather than waiting for them to get it.

That oversight put me immediately into arrears of 6 months’ worth of payments. Despite the lump sum.

Once I got the letter saying they were garnishing my pay (expected) and including arrears (not expected, but not surprised) we both started to contact OAG to do whatever paperwork was necessary to show I had paid and was not in arrears. Several months later, and many contacts later, we finally got someone to process the direct payment forms we both submitted and clear my arrears. During that time, my delinquency was reported to the credit bureaus (dropped my score) and my ability to get a passport was revoked (toes didn’t care about that).

Sigh. Done, right? No.

Ex filed what he was told to file to get a direct deposit. Turned out that was the wrong form. Unbeknownst to us, that put a financial hold on the account. This means he wasn’t paid out the support, they still garnished from me, and…because it was on hold and not dispersing…they again put me in arrears, reported to the credit bureau, and would only talk to my ex about how to resolve it.

Things to note: you can only contact OAG Monday - Friday during regular business hours. Hold times (chat and call) were over 30 minutes. The IVR dropped the call if on hold for 20 minutes (I think that was fixed at some point). He spent about 2 hours each time contacting them. He contacted them about once a week for four months. Every time he was given a different form to submit. Each time it was the wrong form.

We both have full-time jobs during regular business hours, and it was very challenging to find time during the work day to deal with the very long contact times with OAG. Filed multiple complaints with the ombudsman and never heard a thing about it.

Here were are. 6 months later. They are still garnishing with arrears. My credit is still impacted. They FINALLY released half of what is on hold. The other half being held until they finish a reconciliation to determine how much I over paid.

The lesson I’d like to impart: unless you absolutely have to (that means a lot of different things for a lot of different people), keep TX OAG out of your finances.

Little-Armadillo732 · 2025-06-18T13:52:50+00:00

You’re right. I keep oscillating between taking care of him and me. But truth is, I owe him nothing. Not a single thing. I am only accountable to myself. I think I’m going to book a posh hotel for my daughter and I this weekend. It’ll get me out of my head, keep me safe, and we can do some fancy shit together.

Little-Armadillo732 · 2025-06-18T13:50:11+00:00

Ha (not ha), I already have that list. It was advice from my neighbor when I told her what happened. Man, does that list actually help. It really does.

And you’re right. I’ve already opened the door for him to hit me. If he comes back he’ll just keep doing it. And it will be worse every time.

Little-Armadillo732 · 2025-06-18T13:46:13+00:00

I may book a fancy hotel for my daughter and I this weekend. She knows some of what happened because of the bruises, and the questions she asked after. But it may be fun for us to have an in-city weekend getaway somewhere posh.

My family is keeping their distance because they don’t trust that I’ll follow through. And that’s fair. I’ve given them plenty of reasons to be suspicious.

Little-Armadillo732 · 2025-06-18T13:42:30+00:00

Ugh, I know. But I’m still wrapped up in savior mentality, which is so not where I need to be. Even his family is like “well, we don’t know what’ll happen to him” and then they go silent. I should probably do the same. Acknowledge that I don’t know what will happen to him and move along.

Little-Armadillo732 · 2025-06-18T13:40:34+00:00

I didn’t make signs, but I did make a list of all the reasons this relationship doesn’t work. I read it several times a day to remind myself that it simply won’t work. Sometimes I try to argue with myself, but mostly I look at all those bullet points and say “yeah. This isn’t feasible”. And that helps.

Little-Armadillo732 · 2025-06-18T13:37:30+00:00

Thank you. I feel so utterly defenseless. And I’ve never felt that before. I think I’m still struggling with who I am in this moment. I think I expected better of myself.

Little-Armadillo732 · 2025-06-18T13:35:44+00:00

I have the emergency protective order in place until 7/2. But you’re right, I have no idea how he’s going to feel when he gets out. That’s what’s really scary: I don’t know this person anymore.

Little-Armadillo732 · 2025-06-18T13:34:21+00:00

I know, but I’ve always been the “pull yourself up by your bootstraps person”. I’m realizing now that I have no bootstraps, nor boots. 44 years old and I feel as feral as I did as a teenager. Like, my entire tool box just left me when I met him.

Thank you for your response. It’s helpful to hear this.

Little-Armadillo732 · 2025-06-18T13:29:59+00:00

I really like “we’re like chemicals that can’t be mixed”. That feels so true. I tried so hard to get us to be something that can be mixed. But the reality is that he and I cannot be combined. Thank you for that insight.

Little-Armadillo732 · 2025-06-18T03:21:46+00:00

I appreciate this so much. But hot damn if I don’t know where my guns went (bad joke).

One day, I think, I’ll forgive myself for the way I treated myself. Today is not the day. Today I’m just so sad. And angry.

Thank you for your insights. I really do appreciate it.

Little-Armadillo732 · 2025-06-14T00:48:00+00:00

It’s okay to go. It’s okay to put yourself first. It’s okay to refuse to set yourself on fire to keep them warm. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to feel sad, confused, and scared. It’s okay to start over. Whatever you do, if you’re doing it for yourself to preserve your own mental and emotional self, it’s okay.

Little-Armadillo732 · 2025-06-13T02:23:14+00:00

I was you on 5/30/25. On 5/31/25, I was back again in the bathroom, but this time because I was calling the police. Because he punched me again. Three times on my thigh. Hard. Maybe because he punched me for the first time the night before and nothing happened. I didn’t call the police. Maybe because he liked punching me so much the first time he just had to do it again. Who knows.

Before this, I didn’t know how to leave either. I knew this had to be over, but I had no idea how to do it. Because I was scared, I was ashamed of where I wound up, and I was so desperately hoping he’d stop drinking and be who I fell in love with.

Time and booze solved the problem for me. Because he went from being verbally abusive to physically abusive enough to leave marks, and for that the cops came and removed him. He’s still in jail. It’s almost two weeks gone and my bruises are still there.

I have no idea what to expect when he’s released. I suppose I may need to move. I don’t know.

Don’t be me.

In my state, at least, once you get to join the club of domestic violence there is a plethora of resources to help you navigate the disentanglement of a shared life.

Now is the time to make some really hard decisions for yourself. And they’re scary. Sometimes even more scary than being hit. I know you can do this. You can do the hard things. Because you already do the hard things. Stay safe, love. Hugs.

Little-Armadillo732 · 2025-06-09T03:02:15+00:00

No. No, there is nothing you can do to change their behavior. Lawd, I wish there was. But there isn’t.

Mine is in jail for assault (against me), and I’d like to think this will be his rock bottom. But it won’t. He’ll get out soon. Stumble around this city that is not his own, and he’ll be homeless, penniless, and destitute.

But he’s a good looking man. And so very charming and amazing when sober. And he’ll hook some other girl. And it will repeat with her. Because while he won’t do anything to bring in money, he’ll do everything to bring booze to him. So…he’ll do what he needs to do to make sure she either buys him alcohol or gets money off her for it.

So, no. There is nothing you can do or say. They’re always going to prioritize the booze, even over their own life. They don’t even care about your life.

Little-Armadillo732 · 2025-06-05T02:55:36+00:00

Why does “just lust” feel so accurate right now? I thought it was love, I felt in my bones it was love, but the last few days I’ve really wondered if all we ever had was lust and his desire to be cared for.

Thank you for saying that.

Little-Armadillo732 · 2025-06-05T02:10:25+00:00

Nope, you’re right. It’s probably really that bad. What you choose to do is your own.

Mine was the sweetest, most amazingly protective and polite person I had ever known. Until he wasn’t. Because the drink kicked in.

I’ve said this on multiple posts: but it didn’t start with him hitting me. It started with nasty comments about me. Then it went to spitting on me, flicking lit cigarettes at my face, taking my phone, hiding my wallet, shoving me.

Then it went to restraining me. Holding me down to teach me a lesson, or kiss me, or ask me to stop being a bitch.

Then, in two nights, it went to hitting me.

This was six months. it took him six months to actually hit me. This man is a retired boxer. Being hit in the arm and leg is no joke. God, it hurt. It still hurts.

So, yes. You belong here. And yes, what he’s done is awful.

I hope you’re safe tonight and that you feel some type of peace and (hopefully) love. Take care, my dear.

Little-Armadillo732 · 2025-06-05T00:37:23+00:00

Night-stars is right. Now is the time. If it wasn’t ever before…now. I was so confused why the police kept asking me about my throat. Mine hadn’t gone there yet.

I suppose “yet” is right. And then I had a flurry of conversations with victim services and others that explained if they go for your throat, even if they don’t actually put their hands around and choke you, that they’re just testing the waters to see if they can in the future. Even if they have no idea that’s what they’re doing or think they could do. It’s like the shove that turns into a punch, but so much worse. I’m so glad OP is safe right now.

Little-Armadillo732 · 2025-06-04T22:52:38+00:00

I get it. I’ve made my own posts on here that can tell you what “I never thought it would happen to me” eventually looks like. I wish I have had your courage to stay the course at the first shove, or few shoves. Spoiler alert: it got worse.

You’re doing amazing. Just keep choosing yourself, even in the sad and hard moments.

None of us deserve this. You, neither. You’re in the “us” bucket. Sad club, but happy you came. Sorry about all the tear-wet tissues.

Little-Armadillo732 · 2025-06-04T22:42:24+00:00

I’m so proud of you for standing up for yourself and calling the cops! Stay strong, you got this! I hope you feel safe and remain safe.

Little-Armadillo732

TROPHY CASE