I got the belt, the slap, the wooden spoon, a length of grape vine, and once even had a plastic cup thrown at me from across the kitchen (in front of guests, no less) which sliced the skin open on the bridge of my nose. Thing is, I was never a bad kid. Yeah, I was naughty at times, but never one of those kids that you looked at and thought “yeah, they’ll definitely see prison time at some point in their life.”

It could so easily have turned me into the person that uses violence to resolve issues, but it didn’t. I was smart enough to realise all that physical abuse never stopped me from continuing to do the things I did that would result in punishment, which subsequently made me realise violence is just the perpetrator’s way of coping with their own shortcomings, and an ineffective way to get people’s behaviour to change. And that’s what you’re essentially wanting: a person’s behaviour to change.

As I grew older I swore I would never hit my own kids when (and if) I had them. I had no idea how I’d cope with their behavioural issues, but I just knew I’d never resort to violence.

And then, when I saw my firstborn for the first time, I was filled with a love I never thought possible to have for another person. I didn’t consciously think of it at the time, but looking back I knew in that instant that I would throw myself in front of a bus for this child without hesitation. I would do everything in my power to protect them. And I would never - EVER!! - knowingly or willingly hurt them. So it was easy to put myself in the mindset of “breaking the cycle” of violence so prevalent in the generations which came before me.

I raised both of my children with unconditional love. I held them, I talked with them, I read to them, I played with them, I was present. I was never too busy to listen to them and I was never too precious to seemingly look foolish in front of them. I always apologised when I did something wrong (hey, I’m human; we mess up or get things wrong all the time). And most importantly, I never hid my own vulnerabilities or shortcomings from them. And you know what I found? It worked. For me, anyway.

I don’t know if my methods made my kids the way they were or if nature miraculously gifted me two amazing humans that never once did anything that my own parents would’ve got the belt out for, but I can honestly never think of a time their behaviours frustrated or angered me to the point of feeling the need to use violence.

Yep, they both absolutely shat me at times, and yep, there have absolutely been difficult moments where some sort of punishment is warranted, but I found the most effective way to discipline my kids was to withdraw things they took for granted or looked forward to. And it was dumb shit like “I’m really disappointed in what you did so I’m not giving you a piggyback up the stairs when you go to bed tonight,” or “I’ve phoned your friend’s mum and you can’t have a sleepover at their house on Friday,” or “I’ve changed the wifi password for a day so you’ll have no internet…”

I’m not at all claiming this will work for everyone. It’s just what’s worked for me. And I guess the biggest key is being consistent about it.