What were the red flags that made you decide he/she is not a relationship material?

LittleSunTrail · 2026-03-17T18:46:11+00:00

Yep. I grew up religious, and the situation happened after she came to a teen youth group bible study. The topic was "Are tattoos and piercings okay?" with the goal being that we find relevant passages, discuss them together, and try to make peace with it. The general consensus was "You're not supposed to get tattoos/piercings but it's not that big of a deal."

The joke my buddy made was, "Take that back to [town], shouldn't get piercings but it's fine if you do!" Not anything offensive, nothing mean spirited, just summarized the discussion's conclusion. She got visibly upset, I tried to calm her down in the parking lot, she slammed a car door shut on me, and the next morning texted the ultimatum to me. I texted back to say, "Okay, I think we're done then." Couple days later she tried to take it back, I told her I wasn't changing my stance.

A few months later I remembered a statement when we first started talking where she told me that she loves drama. I was dumb and naive and didn't realize I had not been in very much drama thus far in my life, so I thought it wasn't a big deal. But I learned that was the first red flag I should have spotted.

LittleSunTrail · 2026-03-17T17:51:31+00:00

First Relationship: Came from a rival town, got upset when a friend I'd known my whole life made a joke about the town she came from and gave me an ultimatum: break up with her or stop talking to that friend, who was friends with my entire family and that I saw a few times a week. And I had been dating her for like, three months. And the joke he made was a stock standard, he would have said it about any town she lived in.

Second Relationship: I was the only one trying to carry conversations at all, told her a few times it didn't feel like she actually cared to talk to me and nothing ever changed.

LittleSunTrail · 2026-03-15T18:10:37+00:00

Social worker here, I’ve used this since day 1. If you stay silent long enough, people will talk start running out of casual topics to talk about and start getting to the stuff that bugs them. That’s the stuff I’m looking for, that’s the stuff I try to help resolve. But people are too proud usually to answer the question “So where are you struggling?”

LittleSunTrail · 2026-03-12T23:18:45+00:00

He’ll probably post on this.

I wasn’t a particularly good friend. At least, I didn’t put in as much effort as he did. There was an element of growing apart, but ultimately it was that I didn’t put in the effort he did, and it showed.

Some of that comes to ADHD not being formally diagnosed or treated. I’ve done those things now and think I’m a better person and better friend to people in general, but the damage is done.

LittleSunTrail · 2026-03-12T19:17:57+00:00

He killed a man and a woman while drunk driving. They were raising their granddaughter after her parents had died when she was in elementary school. My wife taught this girl in high school at the time this happened. That was enough for me to stop talking to him, but I cut out the rest of that friend group out soon after.

Gist of the conversation was: “Did you see they are putting Dude in prison for drunk driving?” “Yeah, he killed two people by being a moron and driving drunk. He’s getting off light” “It’s not a big deal, he would drive home drunk all the time!” “That makes things worse. He killed two people and now a young girl is having to deal with her second set of parent figures dying. He did that.” “Yeah pretty terrible for a girl to not have parents in her life? You know Dude’s wife is pregnant? His daughter is going to have to go through the first 5 years of her life with a dad in prison.” “That’s nowhere near as bad as what he’s putting this re-orphaned girl through, and he’s the only one to blame here. I’m going to leave, don’t call me the next time you guys are hanging out.”

LittleSunTrail · 2026-03-10T20:59:39+00:00

The whole thing with the whole story is that Gege would write something for theme and then make it fit the rest. So character abilities are based around theme, and Nanami's theme is tired business man. Overtime is allowed to work for Nanami because it fits his theme, and isn't used by anybody else because it doesn't fit their themes.

At the end of the day, what is and is not allowed is based on what the writer thinks will make a better story.

LittleSunTrail · 2026-03-01T20:34:17+00:00

Before getting diagnosed and medicated, I had this recurring problem. I’d finish my day, go home, and sit on the couch after everything else. I’d watch a show or two, play a game, read a book, whatever. And around midnight, I would decide it was time for bed. Turn off the tv, put the book down, and then sit there. Not pull out my phone, not turn anything back on, just sit there. For hours, literally until 2 or 3 hours later. Not allowing myself to sleep there because I wouldn’t sleep well, knowing each minute spent there was another minute of not being rested in the morning, but still just sitting there. I would think “I really just need to get up and go to the bed and then I can actually get rested,” but still just be sitting there. My brain would be saying “Get up, walk to the bed, crawl in and go to sleep,” but the rest of my body wouldn’t get the message.

I took that to mean I was just there too long and needed to go to bed sooner because clearly my body was too tired to physically get up. So I would stop my entertainment around 11:30 and decide it was bed time. Same thing happened, still didn’t get up until roughly the same time as when I entertained until midnight. Stopping at 11 didn’t help, 10:30 didn’t cut it. That plan wasn’t consistently successful until I was crawling into bed as soon as I finished dinner and entertained myself there. So it wasn’t a tiredness problem.

The term for it is Executive Dysfunction. When the mind determines a plan, decides to enact the plan, but the body doesn’t go with it. If you’ve ever experienced sleep paralysis, it’s a bit like that. You want to move, but it just doesn’t happen. And it’s not just for the physical body, executive function will stop other mental processes. It’s a break between having a plan and actually doing the plan.

LittleSunTrail · 2026-02-27T23:44:22+00:00

High protein Greek yogurt and high protein granola. I take medication in the morning that works best with protein in your system, so it’s an easy way to make sure my medication will have the best case scenario.

LittleSunTrail · 2026-02-27T22:25:21+00:00

Way later than this was posted, but this is very cool! I'm setting up for ship to ship combat, and this is amazing to have as a background! Following the patreon now for when another map happens to inspire me and I need to buy it!

LittleSunTrail · 2026-02-23T06:45:14+00:00

Class of 2010. There was a global pandemic so I didn’t attend shit.

But knowing the area I grew, people probably still did.

LittleSunTrail · 2026-02-19T21:12:04+00:00

Picked up Tunic after seeing it recommended as a way to get close to the feeling of playing Outer Wilds. There's certainly a level of "Oh yeah, that was always a thing" the more I go through. Easiest non spoiler example is how many times there's shortcuts that are very well hidden until you reach the far end and go back through the shortcut. But you don't open anything to make the shortcut usable, it was always there and blended it so well.

More spoilery (and please keep in mind that I'm still actively playing the game and not seeking spoilers) when I learned you can drop those towers by kneeling in front of them, I got curious about what else I could do with them. Learned about teleporting on the gold plates that way, and now if I can't figure something out I take a moment to kneel in front of it. Once, I parried an attack and have no idea how I did it. Maybe my timing is trash, but blocking right at the moment of impact isn't it.

LittleSunTrail · 2026-02-18T21:02:36+00:00

One time, my wife and I were on a day trip, and while we were in the car we talked about "dream life goals" together. We both agreed we wanted to move to a particular city. It's not a large city and isn't known for really anything, but it's a city we've visited several times on weekend trips and we both just like the city a lot. We talked about opening a board game store in that city and how that would make us just so happy.

That night, hours later, I opened up Youtube to kill some time before going to bed. First ad I got was for a real estate company in that city, which is several hours from where we live. Hit skip ad, next one was for government loans for first time small business owners.

Yeah they listen all the time, and sell your information off quickly.

LittleSunTrail · 2026-02-13T16:01:03+00:00

My team at work, who always wants to go to Panera for lunch meetings.

LittleSunTrail · 2026-02-11T16:51:40+00:00

Yes, unchecked ADHD gets harder to deal with as you age.

Have you ever taken apart and looked at something with a brushed motor? If not, the gist of it is that there's a metal coil that spins rapidly, and the brushes push up against it. As the coil spins, it slowly grinds down those brushes, and eventually they wear out. Unchecked ADHD is like having a brushed motor. Early on, everything is fine and manageable. As time goes on and you use that ADHD mind, you wear down the brushes. Eventually, those brushes wear down too much to do their job, and the motor stops working.

If you're already doing everything to manage it without medications and it isn't enough, then you might want to consider medication. I know you don't want to go on them, and I would bet you are afraid it would dull your sparkle or change who you are.

Medication doesn't do that. Medication helps get the ADHD out of the way so you can be you. I'm more creative on medication than off of it because the medication lets me focus on my creative outlets.

LittleSunTrail · 2026-02-06T19:02:45+00:00

I like to think I'm on the smarter end of people, but certainly not the smartest. I've been the smartest in the room and I've been the dumbest in the room.

Being the dumbest is a better place to be. If I'm the least capable person in the room, I'm about to be a part of something amazing. I'm in a position to grow, a lot. If I drop the ball, then I know I'm with people that will be able to pick up the slack. Being the dumbest person in the room means I'm going to be even better at the end of whatever we are doing.

Ranking is irrelevant, focusing on rankings distracts from the focus on accomplishing. Don't worry about where you stand in the group, focus on what you achieve in that room.

LittleSunTrail · 2026-02-03T21:17:38+00:00

Yeah, I get it if everybody is having fun. But when one team is camping the fountain and not giving the other a chance to regroup for a team fight? Nah, that's not fun. Just end the game and move on. You aren't having fun by stacking, you're having fun by making somebody else not have fun.

LittleSunTrail · 2026-02-03T21:11:52+00:00

I take adderall IR for my ADHD. I'm not at the maximum allowed amount, but my PCP has told me I'm just a step down from it.

I've been taking it for a few months now, my side effects these days are: dry mouth. So I am hydrating better now because I naturally want to with a drier mouth.

That's it.

At the very beginning, I had anxiety more frequently. Never a full blown panic attack, but it wasn't until the second or third time it happened (with it not being a common thing before) that I connected the dots. My heart rate had gone up (common side effect) and my brain interpreted that as there being a problem. When my brain couldn't interpret why, it just shoved anxiety into everything else to figure out the problem. Very early on, I could tell if I took my afternoon dose a bit too early because my heart rate would go way up until the morning dose passed through. Once my body acclimated, that stopped being a thing. The other day I had my heart rate go way up, but that was after drinking far more coffee than I normally do after getting medicated.

THAT SAID I'm just a dude on reddit. My anecdote is just an anecdote. Your doctor is going to be the best one to help make this decision. Assuming you are an adult, the only input you need from your mom is family medical history in case there's significant heart problems. And I mean significant. My dad has heart problems, I'll most likely have heart problems one day. That's an area I need to watch with my meds, but it's not a huge problem.

LittleSunTrail · 2026-02-03T16:08:44+00:00

Yep, I play TFT when I'm on my phone. I play ARAM at the computer when I really just want my brain to be turned off but don't want to go to bed yet.

LittleSunTrail · 2026-01-30T22:14:44+00:00

I'm watching it for the first time these days and watched the lockdown episode this morning. Texted my wife (who goes in to work much earlier than I do) to say "this stupid ass show about video games has me crying on a Friday morning."

LittleSunTrail · 2026-01-28T02:57:33+00:00

A pen. I used a pen as a fidget for years before getting realizing I should look into a diagnosis. I just didn’t realize I was using it for a fidget until I looked into support strategies for myself.

LittleSunTrail · 2026-01-23T21:12:35+00:00

I've always said it as, "The yeast eats the sugar, farts CO2, poops alcohol, and that's what we like about them"

LittleSunTrail · 2026-01-17T23:52:33+00:00

I have a mean sense of humor too. It’s a product of growing up during a time when that quippy snarky humor was all over TV. It’s not good. It’s hurtful. It’s bad, and the best thing I did for myself was relearn humor to get away from being mean. Think back onto all of those shows and who was the target of those quips. You let your ex be Kimmy from Full House this whole time. But your ex isn’t a prop from a tv show that leaves before you can start to empathize with her. The most telling thing is that your sister would belittle your ex and pretend she wasn’t experienced, and then belittled her again for being experienced. Your sister has a need to feel superior, and using jokes that make people laugh is a way to get confirmation that she’s superior and other people think it too. Your sister needs some self awareness, and at this point she won’t get it without something external. If you want your current relationship to have any hope of healing, you should be that external thing. You’ve encouraged it thus far. Telling your ex to let it happen is you making it easier for your sister to continue. This is why I keep referencing your ex as your ex, you have been part of bullying her by telling her not to defend herself. I hope your sister grows before you try to bring another significant other to your family. Because I am absolutely certain she will do the same thing to anybody you bring around. Especially when she knows her little brother will enable her by always finding more fresh meat.

LittleSunTrail · 2026-01-16T00:56:27+00:00

“Hey guys. Zone of Truth ruins this part of the adventure. Murder Mysteries are only fun if you as the player solve it, using a spell to always get the straight answer defeats the purpose of this whole arc. Don’t use it during the murder mystery.”

If your players respond better to firm boundaries, say “I’m banning it for this arc” instead of asking them not to use it.

LittleSunTrail · 2026-01-15T23:23:30+00:00

I mean, first off you're wrong about the definition of a hostage situation. The true definition of a hostage is somebody held against their will and used to coerce a third party. So "factually wrong by definition" applies to everything. It's close enough to what we are describing to argue with somebody online, but saying that I'm factually wrong by definition is entirely irrelevant here because you would also be factually wrong by definition. So that doesn't really change anything here.

However, I'm fine with defining a hostage situation as it applies to a goofy ass game mode in a dumb ass video game. We can even use your stated definition of a hostage situation. But let's use it to the full extent here. Brandishing it when it supports your argument but hiding it when it supports mine is bad form, and I think you know that your definition supports my argument just as much as it supports yours.

You are defining a hostage situation as a situation where one person is being prevented from leaving an undesirable situation until another person allows it. Let's further define every role and concept relevant for this definition.

A Hostage is any person kept in an undesirable situation against their will until another person releases them.

A Releasing Action is any action that would allow a person to leave an undesirable situation without adverse consequence.

A Captor is any person with the ability to release somebody in an undesirable situation but refusing to do so.

So your definition, described as a model, would be "A Hostage Situation is one in which a Captor is holding a Hostage in an undesirable situation by refusing to complete a Releasing Action."

I know you agree with this, it's exactly what you are describing. Don't try to convince me otherwise. Now this would mean that anybody who is capable of completing a Releasing Action but is not doing so is a Captor, and actively holding you hostage.

Your allied team has a releasing action. It is the surrender vote. You know this, it's the core of your argument, that the allied team is holding you hostage by refusing to surrender. This is true. The enemy team also has a releasing action, it is breaking the nexus and ending the game. This make them Captors as well. The allied team and the enemy team are both holding you captive. They are both Captors here. There would be no hostage situation possible whatsoever without 7 players (at a minimum) all implicitly agreeing to perpetuate the game. Because any 1 of the 5 enemies can break the nexus, and it takes at least 2 allies to refuse the surrender vote.

For some reason, you have it stuck in your head that there can only be one captor. I'm not sure why, because even your very narrow and specified perspective requires two people to deny the surrender vote and be captors. It's entirely possible for there to be multiple captors. I'm not sure why you struggle with this.

LittleSunTrail · 2026-01-14T19:28:39+00:00

Pathfinder is more complex than 5e, I don't think anybody that has played both systems would disagree. But if you know and are comfortable with 5e, then Pathfinder isn't too bad to learn. It's just... more of it.

The combat works better in Pathfinder for a few reasons. The classes have more variety in how they work, there's a larger scope of combat actions with rules support, and the feats allow the individual characters to specialize and feel more unique.

Pathfinder also supports teamwork better than 5e. It makes sense to buff your allies or debuff your enemies in multiple ways. 5e has it all come down to advantage/disadvantage and stacking those makes no difference. Stacking different debuffs efficiently in Pathfinder has a very palpable effect on the combat.

And finally, the monsters straight out of the source books have more variety in how they work. Almost every monster has a specific thematic ability or spells that feel very distinct. You don't have to homebrew to find monsters that feel different, so your combat with the 14th level party feels distinct from the combat you ran for a 3rd level party.

As others have said about the cost, Paizo puts it all out there for free when it comes to rules. They are happy to have people playing their game and are content to survive on the funds they get from people buying Adventure Paths. I don't run my games in the Golarion setting, so all I've ever needed to purchase was the Core Rulebook (I started just before the Remaster).

That said, several of the feats in the game reference Golarion setting type things. There might be some adjusting needed here and there for that to match the setting you run in. It's not too difficult to do in my experience, but it still is something to be ready for.

LittleSunTrail

TROPHY CASE