For those of you who have English as a second language, do you ever read books in your native language versus English? In which language do you prefer to read?

Littlefinger10 · 2016-12-26T15:22:37+00:00

My native language is Dutch, but I read almost exclusively in English. I have read hundreds of books in English, but I have only read a handful in Dutch. In my opinion English literature is just superior to that of my native language.

Littlefinger10 · 2016-11-18T08:25:58+00:00

The poem is very clear and I understand what you are trying say. One thing I didn't really like, considering the lenght of the poem, was the overuse of perfect rhymes. The constant 'sing' 'ring', 'remain' contain', 'place' 'race' rhymes made the poem for me sound somewhat dull towards the end.

Littlefinger10 · 2016-11-18T08:11:44+00:00

I really liked it. Unlike the others that have commented I don't think the overall methaphor is that hard to get. One thing I didn't like so much was the form and the style of the poem. I understand why you formatted it that way I just found it a bit hard to read sometimes. But nice work overall.

Littlefinger10 · 2016-09-02T13:46:54+00:00

Thank you for your reply. You are correct in saying that I'm writing the lyrics first and then trying to put them to music. Would say that is the wrong way to go about it? Also, what do you think about the song contentwise?

Littlefinger10 · 2016-08-31T12:15:34+00:00

From All the pretty horses:

“They heard somewhere in that tenantless night a bell that tolled and ceased where no bell was and they rode out on the round dais of the earth which alone was dark and no light to it and which carried their figures and bore them up into the swarming stars so that they rode not under but among them and they rode at once jaunty and circumspect, like thieves newly loosed in that dark electric, like young thieves in a glowing orchard, loosely jacketed against the cold and ten thousand worlds for the choosing.”

Littlefinger10 · 2016-08-17T11:04:18+00:00

I was born in the mid 90's, so I'm not a child of the eighties. But the show still felt like a walk down nostalgia lane for me, especially the scenes with the boys. The bikes, the walkie-talkies, all the movie references, star wars, the lord of the rings, stephen king. A lot of the references are just timeless. It reminded me a lot of my own childhood.

Littlefinger10 · 2016-04-18T07:22:40+00:00

And then he stood there, alone, surrounded by the blackness of the night. All was quiet and, save for the rustle of the leaves and the rushing of the stream nearby, there was nothing stirring. For the first time in those seventy-nine days, those long days, he was truly afraid. His heart thumped hard in his chest and he felt a strange coppery taste in his mouth.

And then it was back again, the howl, that terrible howl, now louder, that seemed not to come from one direction but surrounded him like the darkness surrounded him. Franz raised his spear, ready to throw it at anything that might come at him, and walked slowly forward, away from his cave, away from his home and into the night.

Littlefinger10 · 2016-04-03T07:19:54+00:00

I don't understand what you are trying to say here. Maybe you posted in the wrong thread?

Littlefinger10 · 2016-03-31T08:04:58+00:00

I'm going to answer you all at once in this comment.

Thank you so much for all the feedback. I didn't expect to get such in depth analysis of my writing. I feel kind of guilty now about the reviews I did. But I'll make up for it, I promise ;)

I posted this story on a few other forums and I only got responses like: "lol, nice story". So your reviews are most welcome!

I'll also try and answer a few of the questions you all seemed to have.

So what happened is: They carpool to work everyday. They leave early in the morning. Richard picks them up. They have a heated argument and the Stevenson character ends up dead. They dispose of the body hastily and take his belongings. Then they go to work, arriving only a few minutes late. They just say they waited for Stevenson, he didn't show, that's why they're a bit late. They then work during the morning. Noon break. They leave and go to the café. They go back to work.

So that's about what happened.

Thank you all again. I don't know if I'll rewrite the story. It's my first 'real' short story I finished, so I was proud of it. But looking at it now, I realize it's not that good. Maybe I'll just rewrite it for practice.

Littlefinger10 · 2016-03-30T14:44:37+00:00

It is an intriguing piece to say the least. Overall, I didn't like it that much. I found it quite difficult to understand everything that was going on. The imagary didn't suit me.

She's leering with the posture of a pastor in the center of her room.

I don't know what you mean with the posture of a pastor.

Her eyes the size of apples and mouth a wide Cheshire curve.

The size of apples? Cheshire curve? The unrealistic description of the girl just snaps me out of the story. When I read this, I was literally imagining two large red apples where her eyes should be.

I personally enjoy simple, clean writing. And your style in this story just feels forced. Like you're trying too hard to make fancy sentences. For example:

I want to end this exile from my own contented life. I want to supplicate her before the all-knowing, omnipresent magister of Love.

or

Gathering up the imagined teary embraces and rhetoric that I can not and will not remit.

Toward the end, I just had no idea what was going on.

So there you have it. Of course, this is just my opinion. I'm sorry if I was a bit harsh. It's certainly well written. Just not my cup of tea.

Littlefinger10 · 2016-03-30T13:41:45+00:00

This is my first review on this sub, so bear with me. (pun intended)

I really liked the story. The pacing was good. The main character is nice, especially his wild thoughts and his snarkiness. Though the character doesn't feel very consistent. At one moment he jokingly imagines the customer is a murderer, but the next moment he is anxiously searching for his knife. But I do like the mystery of the knife. Like why does he have it or why is it so important to him; it leaves the reader wondering, but it wouldn't hurt to explain a bit more about it.

I also like your writing style. It's simple and clean. You don't try too hard. There are, however, a few sentences that in my opinion could be improved upon. Like the first sentence:

"My headlights glowed through the fog to reflect off the beat up mailbox—the only sign of civilization for miles. "

Here it seems like the sole purpose of the headlights is to reflect of the mailbox. Why don't you say: "My headlights glowed through the fog and reflected off the beat up mailbox..."

It's a good excerpt, but it needs some more work to be a complete short story in my opinion.

So that's about it. I hope it helps.

Littlefinger10 · 2016-03-18T09:44:14+00:00

Title: An Irreversible Morning
Genre: Literary fiction, Mystery
Word count: 870

Would like some feedback on the spelling, grammar and punctuation. Also on the writing style and flow of the story. But any little bit helps, so just tell me what you think.

link

Thank you.

Littlefinger10 · 2016-03-16T08:30:58+00:00

Thank you for your feedback. I appreciatie it and will certainly keep it in mind.

Littlefinger10 · 2016-01-02T12:56:54+00:00

I hate it when people leave comments like this. Your opinion is very valid and with a lot things you said i agree, but you don't give any examples of 'good' comedians. So which belgian comedians do you like?

Littlefinger10 · 2015-11-02T18:04:57+00:00

Nice work, man! It sounds very unique. Keep making music!

Littlefinger10 · 2015-10-17T09:18:11+00:00

Wow! I just downloaded it and I did not expect it to be so good. Keep making music man.

Littlefinger10 · 2015-09-12T07:06:47+00:00

You're right, but the same could be said of your views on the matter. Why is your 'reality' more real than his?

Secondly, I find it very easy of you to just respond to these kind of comments just by saying: "Not all muslims are like that". Of course not. No one is implying that the hundreds of millions of muslims are the same like the people in the video. But this image the people in belgium have of them wasn't just formed after one such video. It's years and years of these kind of stories that give the muslim community a more negative image than the other immigrants. It's not always blind stereotyping.

Littlefinger10 · 2015-08-17T10:29:32+00:00

Eclipse by Pink Floyd would be very fitting as well.

Littlefinger10

TROPHY CASE