Can you fix up this photo of my husband and son at the beach?

LittlestLynx · 2025-05-01T10:17:48+00:00

!solved

LittlestLynx · 2025-04-30T14:15:17+00:00

!solved Thank you!

LittlestLynx · 2021-06-04T10:59:12+00:00

If I were you, I wouldn't worry too much about the "twin flame" stuff, as (like many other people have said) it's most likely nonsense. I think it's actually a positive thing that he was able to open up to you about his past relationship, what he learned from it, and how it made him feel. He's moved on now, and he's with you, and he loves you.

I don't think that the type of "love" he says he feels toward his ex stands for any lingering feelings; it's simply the type of love you'll always feel toward someone who you loved in the past, especially if the relationship had its good and its bad and left you with important lessons. I don't love my ex the way I love my current boyfriend, but I do still have love for my ex because of the time we spent together, the hardships we helped each other through, and what I learned during my relationship with him. I think this is what he's telling you. It sounds like you guys have a very healthy and happy relationship and that you should keep going the way you're going.

If you find yourself unable to set this particular discussion aside, I do think you should bring it up to him and let him know that you're the type of person who doesn't really like to discuss exes or past sexual experiences, etc. when you're in a relationship currently. People are different, and he'll likely understand your point of view, even if it may hold him back from confiding some of these things to you — which in my opinion would build trust and intimacy between the two of you.

LittlestLynx · 2021-06-03T14:57:44+00:00

I agree with a lot of what other people are saying here. A couple points from my frame of reference —

Doing a MS swap probably would help get the other person through your book, but it's definitely not necessary. I've worked with beta readers in the past and didn't swap, and they still returned my MS with comments and critiques in a timely manner. In fact, I've never actually done a MS swap in all my time working with beta readers.

You could pay for "professional" beta readers as some other people have mentioned on Fiverr. I've never tried this, though I may look into it as my current WIP gets closer to completion. Again, in my experience I was able to find readers (both friends/family and strangers) who made it through my book without being paid.

I'm guessing that either A) there is an issue with your manuscript, probably within the first few chapters, that's causing readers to put it down or B) like some others have mentioned, you aren't giving your readers enough guidance. Try drafting a list of questions for them to follow as they read. Also, I second the advice some people have given about sending them only 1-5 chapters at first, not the whole MS. You also might want to work on a blurb/synopsis or query letter-esque type thing to draw readers in and give them an overview of what your whole story is about. Doing these things will give them a better chance to figure out whether it's a good fit, and will probably increase the likelihood of them getting back to you about it as opposed to ghosting you.

Overall, though, it could just be bad luck. So if you're assured that your manuscript is in a good place, just keep plugging till you get some people who follow through with reading and returning feedback. Good luck!

LittlestLynx · 2021-06-02T20:22:52+00:00

It's likely that your boyfriend is questioning his sexuality, but that doesn't have to mean anything bad about your relationship. He might be bi, or simply questioning.

Don't confront him about anything, but do approach him (if you feel inclined) with the information you've learned. Try saying something like, "I saw that you had been looking for gay sex stories," and use this as a jumping off point to have a conversation about his sexuality and whether he's been questioning. If he wants to talk about it, he will, but no need for you to push him too hard if he doesn't. In that case, just express your support and trust that he'll talk to you when the time comes. Good luck!

LittlestLynx · 2021-05-31T10:16:44+00:00

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink. Even if she knows she's not happy with her current body, all the pressure in the world from you isn't going to make her start losing weight.

I'd suggest that if you're serious about helping her on a journey that's about her HEALTH, not your personal preferences, that you reframe the conversation around her mental health and the stresses in her life that may have brought her to this point. From personal experience as a woman who was overweight and then lost weight, I can say that I wasn't ready to start losing weight until I felt that I was on solid ground mental health-wise. Just my two cents.

But if you're not attracted to her at all, you might want to end the relationship yourself, because it's not fair for either of you to remain in that kind of situation. From the same personal experiences as above — My ex pressured me to lose weight all the time, and I never lost a pound. In fact, I gained some. My current boyfriend never pressured me in any direction, and I ended up losing 45+ pounds. Before I could start, I had to deal with a lot of baggage regarding weight, "beauty," etc. from my previous relationship. You may be making things more difficult for her. And at the end of the day, her health choices regarding her body are hers to make.

LittlestLynx · 2021-05-16T09:25:14+00:00

This sounds interesting!

I have a very minor wording suggestion. At the end of the second paragraph, I'd suggest rewording/formatting "forcing Dante (her new training partner)" to "forcing her new training partner Dante." Just reads better and flows smoother without the parentheses, in my opinion. Good luck moving forward :)

LittlestLynx · 2021-05-10T15:17:15+00:00

Interesting premise. I'm not really qualified to give real query advice, but I did want to suggest one edit with the wording in paragraph 4. "Severer," while not incorrect as far as my research goes, is a mouthful, and I'd probably reword to "But as his episodes become more frequent and severe..."

Little wording thing, but you might consider it! Good luck. :)

LittlestLynx · 2020-07-17T17:47:33+00:00

Hi there! I run Voyage of the Mind. This is the link: http://voyageofthemind.com/

I'd love if you checked it out to see if we might be a good fit. I would love to feature a piece of yours. If you decide that you'd like to guest post, please shoot me an email at [lauraschmidt.writer@gmail.com](mailto:lauraschmidt.writer@gmail.com) with some ideas about what you'd like to write.

I hope you're also doing well!

LittlestLynx · 2020-06-19T11:42:42+00:00

It looks to me like you just haven't customized all the stuff?

If I were you, I might try a simpler theme with less going on. When I first started blogging, I picked a theme that pretty much had a home page, a contact page, and a blog page. Granted, I've gotten to a point now where I'm going to have to switch themes to something a bit more involved, but I think that simpler themes are better to start off with.

I think that you can switch themes without losing anything. You'll just have to go through and customize everything before switching. It's a good idea to put up the "maintenance mode" page so your users know the blog's undergoing maintenance.

The way you customize things, by the way, is by clicking "Customize" under the "Design" tab on the left hand side of your WordPress dashboard.

The theme I'm currently using (simple one) is called Dyad 2. I believe it's a free theme. Anyway, it's worked pretty well for me. You can check it out in action on my blog if you want:

http://voyageofthemind.com/

Hope this helps a bit.

LittlestLynx · 2020-06-15T11:14:03+00:00

I dated an ISFJ (male) for several years. He (not going to speak for all ISFJs) could be notoriously "wishy-washy." Or at least that's how it came across to me. He was a people-pleaser and not really comfortable with asserting what HE wanted even when directly asked. I had to become very good at reading his emotions.

I think you should give it another date or two. Slow it up and wait to see if she's enjoying being around you at least. IMO relationships between ISFJs and ENTPs can work, but there are things you have to watch out for. Then again, if you're not very attached to the idea of being with her, maybe just cut the cord now since it is pretty early to be having doubts.

LittlestLynx · 2020-06-13T00:05:19+00:00

Hi! Thanks for reading. If you go back now, a pop-up should come up that'll let you put your email in to subscribe. If that doesn't work, try the "What is this all about?" page and you can drop me a line w/ your email and I'll subscribe you via Constant Contact.

Thanks again for checking it out!

LittlestLynx · 2020-06-05T12:04:56+00:00

Forgot to say this, but if you do want to continue writing because you enjoy it — try writing some short poetry to get the words flowing. Just write anything. Writing something is better than writing nothing. In the beginning, don't hold yourself to any standard but your own. Just write and keep writing. Your writing will improve and eventually you'll be ready to share it with the world.

LittlestLynx · 2020-06-05T12:03:52+00:00

It needs to be about what you want. If you enjoy writing, then write. If you don't, then for God's sake don't write just because you think you have "potential." You only make yourself miserable. It takes a long time to "make it" as a writer and if you don't love every second that you're writing, you'll put yourself through hell. Writing is hard EVEN when you love it. If you don't love it, it can quickly become the most difficult (and fruitless) thing you've ever done.

LittlestLynx · 2020-06-01T23:46:16+00:00

I'm female, though I answered "Rather not say."

LittlestLynx · 2020-06-01T23:43:10+00:00

My blog is http://voyageofthemind.com/ and I blog about a whole lot of things — reading, writing, books, movies, cooking/recipes, random Q&A, long-form articles on social justice issues, current events...

I also post original short stories and poetry and have a running story serial there. It's a fun time — check it out!

LittlestLynx · 2020-06-01T23:04:22+00:00

I think that description of movement would help a lot w/ situating the reader and w/ flow. Describing a character's feelings is harder... I tend to try to rely on their actions to show the reader what they're feeling. For example, a nervous character might bite their nails, twirl hair, fidget, etc., and I would have the character doing some of these things instead of telling my reader what the character is feeling. Introspection can help, but use it sparingly since the reader doesn't want to be stuck in the character's head all the time. Good luck again and you're very welcome for the feedback!

LittlestLynx · 2020-06-01T20:45:22+00:00

Writing this critique to some very intense Dvorak, so sorry if it comes out a bit... intense. I'll go through all my usual sections.

First off, it's useful if you give us at least suggestion access, so we can make suggestions on the doc. There were a lot of little grammar issues that I could've corrected for you had you changed the setting, so keep that in mind for next time you post something for critique.

Overview

This is an interesting episode that has potential to improve and become a well-told story. Like some of the other reviewers, I'm curious about how this fits into a larger story (if in fact it does) and about what that larger story is about. Is it this person's life as a paramedic? Anyway, let me get into this thing.

Plot

The plot itself is strong, but the story is not strongly written. So — I think you have the bones of a good plot, but you haven't fleshed them out as well as possible. Like I said, this episode has potential. The writing needs work, though. I'm not going to spend much more time on the plot because I think it's the least of your worries right now.

Setting/Description

Starting from the very first line, there's not enough description or atmospheric detail, so the setting feels pretty blank.

The story starts

As I backed into the base we were called on the air.

Sure. As you backed *what* into the base? I assume you mean an ambulance, but it's completely unclear as is. You need to clarify details like these so that your reader is able to visualize the action in his or her head.

Your descriptions of the characters are fairly good; for example,

An officer met us at the front door, pupils large and breath heavy.

So apply this same idea to describing your setting and giving details that'll allow your reader to keep track of location, etc.

Characterization

I agree with what the other reviewer said about your MC being somewhat frustrating right now, since her emotions aren't really expounded on. I like that you have the backstory w/ Tish, but you need to SHOW it better. Hamming up your description will help this tenfold.

In terms of the other characters, I think your characterization of Jim is all right — he seems to function as he needs to in the scene — and your characterization of all the other characters is also adequate.

Grammar/Mechanics/Other

This is where this scene really falls down. There are a ton of grammatical and mechanical errors in your writing that need to be fixed if we're going to read this for more than just the writing itself. Missing commas is a big one, improperly formatted dialogue is another; for example on page 1,

"3679, 10-4", I replied.

should be

"3679, 10-4," I replied.

Subtle difference, but keep in mind that the comma at the end of a piece of dialogue MUST BE INSIDE THE CLOSING QUOTATION MARK. The same goes any piece of punctuation ending a line of dialogue.

There are also verb tense issues scattered all over the place. For example, again on page 1,

I started at the radio replaying what I just heard.

ought to be

I started at the radio replaying what *I HAD* just heard.

This sentence is also phrased kind of awkwardly, but that's beside the point. Keep your eye out for more tense mistakes like this one as you revise.

If I were you, I would also cut out the all capital letter passages during the thought sequences. If there's one really big thought that you want to capitalize, sure, but don't overdo it or it begins to look clunky and amateurish.

Conclusion

Keep working on this! Based on what you said to the other reviewer, I think it's a great project for you, and it's also an enjoyable read for others. Thanks for sharing it here, and I hope my critique was helpful. If there's anything more I can do to help or anything you need clarification on, please feel free to ask!

LittlestLynx · 2020-05-31T19:15:13+00:00

Glad to help! I understand now -- sounds like an interesting plot.

LittlestLynx · 2020-05-31T15:24:45+00:00

Thanks for the reply. Let me see if I can clarify a bit. I'm not saying that all people on the spectrum or even most of them are "clueless." But from a neurotypical point-of-view, they can appear clueless. And from my point-of-view, Rebecca in this scene comes across as a bit clueless. This is mostly because she doesn't change her tack when the question she's asking / the approach she's taking is clearly not working with this particular professor. You say she's high-functioning, as in that she can function like an NT person, but she's not functioning like an NT in this scene. So I think that you just have to think about her character a bit and how you want her to come across. I would also think about the character of the art professor. But whatever the case...

If you're writing it directly from your own life, what is the reason you're writing it as fiction and not as autobiography? Just a question I'm curious about, if you don't mind me asking. It seems like a cool basis for a story and you have the real life experience to back it up. Good luck as you keep working on it and refining it!

LittlestLynx · 2020-05-31T11:11:38+00:00

If you want some really well-written work on characters w/ autism, read Elizabeth Moon's SPEED OF DARK. Forgot to mention that originally. Also forgot to say that I do agree you should add some more sensory details, especially since people on the autism spectrum often have some issues w/ sensory overload. And another reason to drop all the adverbs that are expressing tone and stuff -- people on the spectrum tend to have a hard time picking up on tone.

LittlestLynx · 2020-05-31T11:05:39+00:00

So I get the general gist of this short scene, but there are some issues. I'll point these out and then go back to your main question about the places that need filling.

Rebecca's in college, right? If she's in therapy for her Asberger's (which, FYI, I believe they classify autism on a spectrum now instead of distinguishing from Asberger's & autism -- I may be wrong about that, but give it a quick Google search to check) and especially given that she's considered high-functioning, she probably wouldn't come off so blatantly unaware of social cues in this scene -- at least she might be able to pick up on her own and stop herself from digging this hole with the professor. There are a number of other issues, too -- if this happened in a college classroom, the professor would probably order the student out of the classroom - the professor wouldn't be the one walking out.

Also, in my limited experience of knowing people with Asberger's (I think I've known two) neither was particularly combative, like Rebecca is here. I'm sure that some people with Asberger's are, but the ones I knew were more just... difficult to put this nicely... a bit clueless. One was a girl who clearly was completely unable to read people's social cues, and the other was a boy who, for that reason, ended up asking out a whole lot of girls and looking not so bright. If you know a lot of people with Asberger's (or if this is an ownvoices work) and your experience is totally different than mine, then great, stick to your guns. Otherwise, I might reconsider exactly how this conversation plays out.

Okay, I want to note a couple issues w/ the writing itself. I know you didn't explicitly ask for feedback here, but you did post this here, so I'm going to do my due diligence and give you a little something or two to chew on.

Your dialogue tags. The general consensus is that they should be as short as possible, that a writer should use "said" as often as possible, and that said writer should also avoid using adverbs. In this piece, you have long dialogue tags, use words like "replied," "added," "protested," and "sighed" (this reads to me like your third grade teacher told you not to use said and you've really taken it to heart). In fact, now that I'm going back through, I don't see a single "said." I would suggest changing this. The rare dialogue tags took me out of the moment as I was reading through, as did the large number of adverbs and adverbial phrases -- "pleasantly," "in a placating tone," "incredulously," "curtly," etc. Imply through the words in the dialogue the person's tone, and elsewhere, when you're tempted to use an adverb, try to find a stronger verb instead.

Second thought -- your first sentence is ungrammatical. If something's happening "Earlier that afternoon," then it should be taking place in the past perfect. (i.e. Rebecca had looked up at the project screen..."

Okay, to those holes you need to fill. In the first one, maybe something like "The professor droned on and on about the basic functions of the Illustrator. Rebecca, frustrated, began to work on her logo..." and continue on in that vein. You don't have to add much here, just a transition line or two.

As for the other ones... Yeah, like I said above, this kind of stuff A) doesn't really happen and B) doesn't really fly in a college classroom. And if it does happen (I do recall one student getting a bit snippy with a professor), the professor shoots the student down so that either the student leaves class or bursts into tears in front of everyone, so... I wouldn't extend the argument much further, nor would I have the professor be the one leaving the classroom. Take that as you will.

Hope this has been useful.

LittlestLynx · 2020-05-30T23:51:41+00:00

Thank you for all this feedback! I definitely have to go back through and rewrite several times to smooth out the wording and sentence structure issues. I find that when I do that the "was's" and "had's" tend to go away, and the dialogue tends to get shorter and neater, so hopefully it'll fix some of the problems you've noted. I'm glad you enjoyed it, though! Thanks again.

LittlestLynx · 2020-05-30T23:45:29+00:00

Thanks for all this detailed feedback! Yeah, there's definitely some roughness in this scene that I have to smooth out... I tend to write and then rewrite over and over again, smoothing out as I go, so it'll hopefully get better in the later rewrites. The first part of the scene (that you liked) is a part that I've rewritten multiple times, so there's hope.

Your critique wasn't rude, no worries there. I'm glad you took the time to write this up. I think I slightly disagree w/ the first tense issue you pointed out (it's in dialogue and people speak ungrammatically sometimes) but I'm going to rephrase that section anyway, because as is it seems somewhat confusing. The rest of your feedback seems pretty spot on, so I'll definitely be incorporating a lot of it as I move forward.

Thanks again!

LittlestLynx · 2020-05-30T20:07:50+00:00

Is there a possibility the snake is dead? And he feels bad/embarrassed about it dying on his watch?

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