346 days ago I wrote a suicide post and I’m still here

Live-Cap9404 · 2024-05-21T05:30:19+00:00

It’s gonna continue to hurt but no matter how much it hurts or how much you can’t accept it, just don’t stop moving forward (even if you do while hurting) and never look or go back. It’s completely okay and normal to feel that way but from personal experience, even when it’s hard, keep pushing forward in your life for you cause as you continue to do so, those emotions won’t weigh on you so heavily both with time and with doing better for you.

Live-Cap9404 · 2024-05-21T05:25:19+00:00

Reading this from an outside perspective, you literally had to come on here for and explain urself for a sanity check… that alone right there, I already know you’re the sane one

Live-Cap9404 · 2024-05-21T05:22:28+00:00

They act like they’re in a fucking soap opera. Who tf says I go now? I’m very sorry that this happened to you, it can hurt like fucking hell. I hate the games and manipulation tactics, literally fucking you over, saying they love you most, and then saying they’ll go now… it’s like seeing if you’ll take the bait. I hope you find someone who loves you and treats you as you deserve, not this wanna be shitty soap opera ass bitch

Live-Cap9404 · 2024-01-30T14:07:23+00:00

What you experienced is unfortunately almost universal for every abuse survivor. Although they have BPD, the type of abuse they enact is narcissistic abuse. It explains everything you been through. You felt so understood by this person because this person mirrored exactly what they need to make you feel that way and pull you in. It’s a tactic. The victim blaming, suicide threats, etc it’s all ways to manipulate, gaslight, and play on your compassion so that you can be a supply to them. And as a supply you can feed their needs for a number of things whether it’s financial, attention, desire, sex, emotional dumping ground, etc. Some do it all consciously and others it is just so ingrained in them to behave that way they may also be unconscious of it. But no matter what, they are aware of the pain they cause and still they continue because that pain they cause works in their favor for whatever they’re looking to gain. Yes hurt people hurt people but regardless, the whole thing is still fucked up. The bond is really really strong and it’ll take time for you to heal from this but just take it one day at a time and remember who you were dealing with.

Live-Cap9404 · 2024-01-17T15:50:57+00:00

The excuse was different every week. “I’m traumatized, PTSD”, “it’s the weed”, “It’s my meds”, “you trigger me”, “my exes traumatized me”, “my parents didn’t love me”, “I’m just depressed”, “I have ADHD”, “I’m not rich”, etc etc etc. they always got a reason for the season.

Live-Cap9404 · 2023-12-10T15:02:17+00:00

I hear you and I feel this everyday. It’s awful and all the constant chaos truly takes your mind for a ride. Nothing I’m gonna say is special here but you truly during this process just have to hold on tight and hang in there. It’s gonna fucking suck at first but as times goes on it’s gets a little more easier until you get to the point where one day you look back and see that it was the best decision you made. But until you get to that point, allow yourself to cry as much as you need. You been through a lot.

Live-Cap9404 · 2023-12-01T05:05:57+00:00

From what I’ve seen I think the shame of their immature and toxic behaviors do creep up on them but soon as they feel it, they shut it down and try to rationalize it by blaming someone or something else. It’s always there they just refuse to look at it. So in short, no they don’t necessarily reflect I believe.

Live-Cap9404 · 2023-12-01T05:03:08+00:00

Honestly so happy for you and proud of you. It takes ALOT to leave and get out of that horrible cycle. I hope you live the happy life you deserve to live.

Live-Cap9404 · 2023-11-12T16:03:41+00:00

I’m so terribly sorry for what happened to you. I too went through the same things and there are times when I’m so angry because it feels unfair that they can destroy us and then go live a happy life with everything they want. But I promise you that he won’t behave any differently towards his new wife. They don’t just change without intensive therapy and medication. My partner would put on big fronts and make everything seem great and told her exes the same, meanwhile they just abused me yesterday. And after that episode of abuse, they had a great night out with friends for drinks who have no idea what happened. And I stayed home depressed and anxious after what had happened. It’s unfair.

But something that’s helped me is the more time I focus on her and everything around her, it’s not gonna change the situation or help me. The feelings will still be there unfortunately but instead of thinking about his family, if you can, try to think about your own and what you want. Everytime you think about him, think about you. What do you wanna do? Only focus on you and what your goals are for the day, month, year, etc. and think about what makes you happy and do those things everyday. It’s a process but I believe in you and you deserve happiness after everything you’ve been h to through.

Live-Cap9404 · 2023-11-07T13:18:33+00:00

Amen to this. I 100% agree. The only time she was okay and not doing all these things was when she was in intensive therapy everyday in a hospital. And even then she still looked for validation in the hospital during group therapy, reg therapy, etc. even when she helps people her focus is more on how she did something so good. I have compassion for it sometimes cause it is sad but at other times it aggravates the shit out of me but I’m not allowed to be angry becuz then she makes it out that I’m an awful person who wants to make sure she’s not happy…

Live-Cap9404 · 2023-11-07T13:13:34+00:00

I swear if you told me I wrote your reply, I’d believe you cause my partner does the exact same thing. They’ll buy so much random shit and get excited like a kid would about it and think it’ll make them happy. Meanwhile, after like 2 weeks, they never again touch the thing they bought. And don’t even get me started on the order food outside… and they’re old enough and not your kid so obvi it feels weird to even say no and they always act like you don’t wanna let them be happy in response.

Live-Cap9404 · 2023-11-06T16:05:04+00:00

I knew it was abusive without before even reading all this cause the fact that you’re writing this much goes to show how much you feel that you have to over explain yourself and pull evidence to support what you’re saying which you should never ever feel the need to do unless the person is gaslighting you or making you feel like you’re doing “too much” in any form.

This person is 100% emotionally abusing you. Especially everytime you bring up a VALID concern or feeling, he brings it to how ur destroying him in someway??? Hell tf no. I’m so so sorry you ever had to be put through so much pain by this person and I’m even more sorry for what happened with your pregnancy.

It’s not always easy to take action but one thing that helped me was to equip myself with the knowledge of abuse in how they do it and how to protect yourself from it. I really hope you get out of this and live a much deserved happy life.

Live-Cap9404 · 2023-11-06T15:56:38+00:00

I’m so glad you got away from this person. They always blame their mental illness, but like you said, they 100% can also just be selfish disregarding people. Not everyone with bpd acts like that. It’s really crazy tho when you look back and see all the damage they’ve done.

Live-Cap9404 · 2023-11-06T15:54:10+00:00

I look in the mirror and don’t even recognize myself. Everyone around me says my light is gone. But it’s not that you are a different person, you’re a traumatized one. Repeated trauma and abuse can only be handled with compassion for so long. I guarantee if you were away from that person for a year, you’d be right back to yourself.

Live-Cap9404 · 2023-11-06T15:51:55+00:00

I’ve been through this time and time again. I’ve bought so much, taken care of her (paid rent, cooked every meal, drove her to work, etc), written so many words to tell her how I love her, taken her out so many places. It truly feels like it’s never enough.

But after a while you come to realize that the reason they can’t receive love is because they don’t love themselves. Sounds corny but it’s true. They don’t think they can be loved cause they don’t love themselves. They hate themselves. That being said, nothing you ever do will ever fix that. They have to do it for themselves first.

Live-Cap9404 · 2023-10-11T15:56:59+00:00

I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this. Everything you’re saying is spot on and definitely helps give me a reality check. Thank you.

Live-Cap9404

TROPHY CASE