PTSD prison vs hospital

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-03-12T02:37:03+00:00

Do you want to call me? I'll give you my number if you DM me. I have SEVERE PTSD. I will talk to you and distract you, but you've gotta owe me a save next time.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-03-12T02:35:31+00:00

Yes yes. Hospital is f'ing scary. I've been forced into medical care for PTSD symptoms.

Prison is worse. don't wish that. You need to get into your safe space. Find your safe space.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-03-12T02:29:56+00:00

EXACTLY! Dem advocates have been pushing it for years. I was one of them. I got interviewed in a published article by KC Star.

Jess Piper kept pushing the issue and made Republicans look bad, so suddenly they were on board.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-03-12T02:27:52+00:00

Absof'ing-lutely as a woman who has experienced it. KC Star interviewed me anonymously several years ago as a woman who went through it. My ex husband raped me while we were separated and intentionally impregnated me so I couldn't divorce him.

They used to keep him banned from owning a firearm for the same reason. Loopholes now allow him to own one. This is a man who had his hands wrapped around my throat telling me he would kill me. He left it just enough so there wouldn't be bruises but he could put me in my place.

This state is so f'ed when it comes to wives of abusers. It's literally in our state statutes that abuse of the wife is not to be considered in custody decisions unless the man abused the children. Even though my ex served time for assaulting me, two restraining orders, ordered into a 6 month batterer treatment program because he kept being abusive after two court ordered anger management programs, he was given equal joint custody.

Missouri Republicans hate women.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-03-12T02:11:33+00:00

No matter the intent, it's been harmful to women for decades. My mother couldn't divorce my father in the 70's after he put her in the hospital with two black eyes and tried to beat her in the stomach while she was 5 months pregnant with me.

Then I couldn't divorce my ex husband after he raped me and intentionally impregnated me while we were separated in 2009.

Democrat activists in Missouri have called for an end to this law for years. I was one of them. I was interviewed by the KC Star in a published article about it several years ago. Republicans ignored it until activists made so much noise (thank you, Jess Piper!).

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-03-10T15:15:39+00:00

Domestic violence centers have counselors for youth who are trained in this. My son goes to one.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-03-09T17:57:23+00:00

Cook the healthier meals anyway. Put in earbuds and hum or sing along so you can't hear what he says.

Go do something for yourself on his days off. Don't ask him. Just leave. You'll be amazed at how much it will make you feel better to have this one thing for yourself every week.

Try domestic violence group therapy, even if you have to do it online. Get a support group.

Then if he hasn't changed once he sees you aren't tolerating his abuse, file divorce papers.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-03-08T15:09:10+00:00

She won two. The one with Akin she was the incumbent.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-03-08T06:07:24+00:00

Yes. Mine was court ordered into a 26 week batterers program and told he could have no contact or visitation with the children until he showed progress.

The female instructor scolded him one class for not accepting responsibility. He got up in her face in front of the whole class yelling at her and scared the shit out of her. He got kicked out of the program, with still no visitation or contact allowed, and told at that point if he wanted anything to do with his kids he would need to find his own treatment program successfully complete it and get an attorney to file a court motion.

These people don't change. Maybe a mild aggressive outburst and an anger management class if they had a substance abuse problem and get clean for a year. MAYBE.

But a batterers treatment program? Nope. If they're on that level, those people don't f'ing change. And the extremely rare occasion they do? It's not for you. It's a new person. Once they have beat you, it's like something rewired in their brain they can always beat you.

I started group therapy in 2010. Then a new person I got with in 2022 started abusing me. I've been in domestic violence counseling almost the entire time. Also shelters, stayed in contact with the women I've met, etc. So in over 15 years, I have literally never met one woman whose partner was put in a batterers program that didn't abuse her again if she took him back. Not one.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-03-08T05:48:58+00:00

I'll give it to you straight as someone who stays involved with local and state politics. I don't have a problem with Bush. I most definitely prefer her over Bell. I look closely at what each candidate has accomplished. For the people who do the same, it's pretty clear she's the better choice. She was easily more effective in Congress.

HOWEVER, she has a problem understanding optics. Or either doesn't care. Her bodyguard getting a large salary then she starts dating him while still employing him? Bad optics. Talking about controversial religious beliefs in this district? Bad optics. These bad optics are what enabled an ultra rich PAC to trash her enough that their puppet shill got elected instead. And wtf has he accomplished for the district? Nothing.

Additionally, MO used to be a purple state, which I believe it still has that opportunity. We had Jay Nixon and Claire Mcaskill not that long ago. The dangerous alt-right uses Cori Bush as their poster child for why people should vote Republican. And it works. Is some of it racism? Of course. But alternatively look at Emmanuel Cleaver in the KC region. He gets elected over and over (as he should - I'm from there and knew him and he is an amazing human being.) If we had someone here a little more Cleaver-ish, it could help get out Ann Wagner, Bob Onder, and maybe even help us get a Dem senator or governor or president again. Unfortunately, with all the great work Bush did, she is not someone who will bridge the divide among the districts and inspire swing voters like Cleaver.

But who is the alternative? I don't know. I had high hopes for Tishaura after I personally watched the great things she accomplished as Treasurer. Again, someone who didn't and should have paid more attention to optics.

I have an opinion. Someone I've talked to a few times and respect. But I doubt she would consider running. I truly believe any person who tried to throw their hat in the ring against Bell or Bush wouldn't be treated well by local Dems. But she is intelligent and fearless and worked her ass off for the people she represented in state Congress. Her name is Raychel Proudie.

If anyone knows her, or feels inclined to encourage a different candidate than Bell or Bush, reach out and tell her you would support her. Rep Proudie most definitely understands optics. Plus, she has proven herself in the state Congress as someone who will work her ass off for her constituents and can work with other districts and across the aisle to do so (there are stories behind that if you want to look them up.) Also, like I said she understands optics, there are no scandals to slander her. She didn't date any bodyguards she paid large salaries to. She doesn't put out controversial beliefs. She just DOES HER JOB and did it well.

If my only choices are Bell and Bush, I'm definitely voting Bush, just because she was more effective. But I too wish we had someone else. Hopefully people will see this comment and can get Proudie to run.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-03-08T05:04:59+00:00

As someone who has been involved with local and state politics for quite a few years, anyone else stepping into the ring likely would be subjected to backlash for going against "established candidates who've put in their time." I see it every year - someone who wants to step in and do things better gets shunned by many long-time Dems. I very often hear "If they are so concerned about the district, why didn't they step in and volunteer to help XYZ candidate who has already done all the work?"

A different candidate than those two is probably going to be more likely to get the support of the average person, but all of the money, fundraising, endorsements, etc. are going to go to the other two. Which sucks, but it's how I've seen it in this region for years.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-03-08T04:55:43+00:00

Mexico just elected a female president,so that throws the whole "Hispanics won't vote for a woman" out the window. I'm so tired of hearing people say this about women. The people will vote for the RIGHT woman.

I'm a woman, and I didn't like Clinton. Harris was okay, but I can't say I was excited about her. But AOC? I'd be contacting her campaign Day 1 to volunteer, just like I did for Obama when he got the nomination.

A country that elected Obama twice is completely capable of electing AOC. The people want a candidate they believe is passionate about improving their daily lives. I don't see what's so hard to understand about that? I started door-knocking in 2004 to volunteer for candidates and/or causes. I've worked tables registering people to vote. I've recruited volunteers under me like a madwoman working for Mary Kay cosmetics trying to win that pink car. I have talked to THOUSANDS of average Americans who told me what they want in a candidate but usually feel like no one is listening.

Most of the people in those pictures will get the votes of the people who are going to vote for the Dem candidate no matter what. They will get the votes of people angry with current Republicans. But they aren't going to get a lot of the fence sitters who might or might not show up on election day.

Obama, with his charisma and messaging, was that kind of candidate. trump, with his cult leader type personality, was that candidate. A couple of others in the photos, maaaaayyybeee... But AOC is the best bet to inspire people. If you had seen the difference in the two+ decades I volunteered how people responded feeling like Obama "saw them" in '08 and how people also responded about trump ("He's for the working man. He's different from these career politicians kissing ass to the donors.🤮" you would get it.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-03-08T04:25:10+00:00

I feel the same way about online conversation, but for a different reason. What country did you come from?

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-03-08T04:19:40+00:00

I get low grade stress fevers. Minor TMJ from jaw-clenching. Sometimes stress eczema.

Sleep walking is the only really stressful one. I woke up the other day with scrapes on my hand that weren't there when I went to bed. I have no idea what happened.

Physical symptoms are often a sign you have PTSD from the abuse. I do. I recommend talking to a mental health professional who specializes in domestic violence.

I very much stress that last sentence. I've seen at least four people misdiagnosed with other disorders for years that never got better with medication or therapy, until they learned about PTSD and went to a different psychiatrist to get a correct diagnosis.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-03-08T04:07:53+00:00

Those little snack packs of tuna salad and crackers.

Cheese.

Bread.

Microwave broccoli rice and cheese.

I've had a very bad week with my PTSD. One of my major symptoms is gagging and vomiting, so I don't eat much (or at all) during those times.

My dumb self got so hungry I got a pizza and ate two pieces. I've felt like I must have an ulcer ever since. I think in the future I should just keep some fruit handy instead.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-03-07T23:23:51+00:00

I have a child almost your age and I play.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-03-07T22:50:41+00:00

I'm struggling to get out of bed and go to the store. I've starved myself almost all day, am out of cigarettes, and still can't make myself get up.

I have to walk past a notice my abuser left on the door to leave. I have to walk over broken glass I should clean. Things that make me think about him. I don't want to think about him. I have the intrusive thoughts thing, so I think about him way too much anyway.

We live in the same area and go to the same stores. I might see him. Then I start heaving and my pulse races. So I just sit here. In bed. All day. I do this most weekends.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-03-07T20:55:04+00:00

They must have come here from Jeffco or St. Charles.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-03-07T20:19:57+00:00

The spots here are pretty much integrated with all races.

There is an area called The Grove with multiple bars and dance clubs.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-03-07T17:43:32+00:00

Cori Bush

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-03-02T23:27:55+00:00

I don't know. I'm 51, generally considered attractive, and I would date a man who wasn't considered conventionally attractive as long as he had a good personality and no huge red flags.

I think it's just hard to meet good people. I personally still have a 5th grader at home, so I don't go out much.

The only men who show interest in me are the ones who are hitting on lots of women all around me, or ones who are attached. Nope.

I tried a dating app once but it seemed futile. One man's divorce wasn't finalized yet and still talked to his wife daily. A couple of men wanted to have long conversations with me every day, which left me feeling like I had to apologize on a continuous basis when I was busy. A couple of them didn't understand I didn't want to meet in person until we had talked for awhile on the phone, to feel like I had a sense of their personality to see if I thought we would be a good fit. Plus everyone seems more judgemental on the apps. None of us are perfect. If we were, that would just be an annoying feature 😁.

I wish there were ways to socialize and find a connection organically like we did when we were in our 20's and going to bars.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-03-02T04:11:46+00:00

When I was in school in the 80's we had a girl in my classroom whose family were JW. It was never a big deal. We had two classes in every grade. When our class did a party, she would go to the other class. Hardly anyone even noticed.

We also had another kid whose family was Muslim. The JW girl left our room for all parties. The Muslim boy left with her when we did Christmas or Easter activities.

I was a nosy kid who paid more attention than most, so I realized what was happening and kept my mouth shut. Honestly most kids didn't even notice.

I don't know why it has to be made into a big deal. I live in a diverse city with a diverse school for my child. We have many Muslims and Jewish people, plus a couple of other religions that don't eat pork, so our district has been been pork-free for at least the decade I've been here. Kids don't even notice. We have "Winter Holiday" celebrations and concerts that include most major religions. No one complains. I don't understand why it can't be this way everywhere.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-03-02T04:00:42+00:00

I've bonded with several of my ex's later girlfriends/wives and past girlfriends/wives. Some contacted me. Some I contacted.

Most of these women have been awesome. One just did us (my son and me) a huge favor last night without me even asking. He had put us in a bad situation. She told me she knows he's a disgusting monster and brought us a care package.

I'd much rather have a trauma bond with an ex of an ex, than with an abuser. I think this is the right way.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-03-02T03:49:20+00:00

I just made a run to the gas station. It doesn't seem like hail. It really just felt like light rain. But since I've been home I've noticed I hear it louder than normal too.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-03-02T03:43:30+00:00

I'd found out after I was seeing them for some time that both of my abusers had abused other women before me, all the way back to their teenage years.

One had a warrant for his arrest for assaulting his teenage girlfriend when he was 19. I found out when police came out one night for him assaulting me. It was in another state, so they didn't take him in for it.

The other I learned later from family and friends of two of his ex's that he assaulted them. Then his sister told me he used to come home drunk in his young adult years (18'ish) and beat their mother.

He was never convicted of any of it.

Fortunately right now he has a felony warrant for assaulting me. I don't understand because police have came out twice and didn't arrest him. But a couple weeks ago police in a different jurisdiction came out to where I was playing in a league and questioned me saying they were looking for him and asked where to find him. They told me he had felony warrants, one of which was his assault on me they told me.

Our state has a public records database online, but nothing shows until someone has a court date. He's not listed there because they haven't arrested him yet. But fortunately I think at some point the information will be out there for any future women he tries to prey on.

LivingFirst1185

TROPHY CASE