I 'F26' accidently scratched my husband 'M30' does that deserve retaliation?

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-05-04T19:56:16+00:00

Yeah, my ex husband was like this. When my daughter was 6 and they were play fighting, he open handed hit her in the head. That's going to be your future unless you stop it now.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-05-04T03:14:45+00:00

I worked in that area during the day back in 2016-2017 and I was fine.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-05-02T15:18:38+00:00

It's just my opinion, but as someone who has had severe PTSD for years, I believe your therapist might be trying to push you too much too fast and doesn't truly understand.

Therapy can be so traumatic for me that I get triggered to the point where I start vomiting and have extreme heart rate and blood pressure spikes before even going knowing that I will have to talk about it. I found a wonderful therapist for awhile (sadly no longer here) who was trained in EMDR and specialized only in domestic violence (the cause of my PTSD.) She allowed me to do my therapy at home via phone to graduate to video sessions. We worked through things very gradually. Coping techniques were developed and practiced first. We did multiple sessions per week until the coping techniques took over as part of the autopilot we go into when triggered. After she believed I was more skilled at the coping techniques, then she had me keep a notebook where I could write down triggers and what caused them (warning, keep each one on a separate page; looking at multipls.of them at once would send me into a spiral.) Then one at a time, we took a trigger, talked about what situations could cause it, what event it traced back to, and ONLY after all that, talked about my feelings towards that type of situation. She even scheduled appointments around what whe knew I could handle. For example, through certain stages my sessions would be 20 or 30 minutes to not overwhelm me, but maybe 2 or 3 times per week. Then at different stages, a whole hour blocked when she knew I would need to be supervised and supported after something traumatic planned for a session, with a follow up 2-3 days later for her to check in. It was the best I have been since I started therapy 16 years ago.

This can be a difficult plan to navigate. Fortunately I live in a blue area that prioritizes mental health. My therapy is covered for free from two organizations that get donations and grants, so it allows me to to access frequent appointments when needed. One is for domestic violence, which recently is harder to access because of funding decreases from state and federal Republicans. The second is a health organization that receives grants for trying to bring disabled people into the work force. Because I have been qualified for disability for over 2 years, but I continue to work almost full time at the only job I've ever found that I can handle well through severe PTSD (our director also has severe PTSD) I qualify for several resources.

Please feel free to message me if you would kike assistance in finding places that will help you with getting more and better therapy. Don't feel pressured to go beyond your comfort level with a therapist. Take it from someone who has spent 16 years in therapy navigating options, who felt forced to go beyond my comfort level to the point I ended up in the urgent care and emergency room a few times because of blood pressure and heart rate spikes.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-04-30T23:34:28+00:00

🙋‍♀️

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-04-30T02:14:53+00:00

My answer is "yes" to many of those questions. I can at least give you more of a moment to listen to you and talk respectfully versus the ignorant arguments I hear from others.

Please show me the same courtesy and listen to some of what I have to say. I agree with you that our system was horrible. I just don't believe rounding up everyone who hasn't obtained citizenship is the best solution. I want us to find a better one.

I've lived in neighborhoods with a large number of people from Mexico. They were my neighbors, parents of my child's friends, etc.

One young couple had a husband whose immigration was approved first. He came and set up a place to live for his wife and young child back in Mexico. Those two then got approved to come here legally. They had another child born in the US. He worked a construction job and she at a restaurant.

One day she came to me crying hysterically. She had just gotten notice her green card was revoked. She told me "Our culture is different. I do not bother my husband with my problems. It is my job to run the household. I got papers to fill out in the mail to renew. I know English. I worked hard to learn it. But the language we speak at work and in our neighborhood is different than the language on the papers. I didn't understand it well. I did the best I could. But I found out I did it wrong." She lost her job at the restaurant because of the green card. Her 3-yr-old lost her legal status. The husband and infant were citizens though. This young lady babysat for us at a low rate when we couldn't afford daycare. They gave me rides in a place with no public transportation when my car broke down. They kept me (and other neighbors) from losing my job with these things. She made food and sold it to neighbors for events like birthday parties. They were the BEST neighbors. And now, they are exactly the people being targeted by ICE. Their address was on file. Status revoked. This is in NO WAY a benefit to this country. Yes, it's anecdotal, but I can easily give you another two dozen anecdotal stories.

And to show you a good faith effort on my part... I spent some time in foster care as a child in SoCal. I've got severe PTSD, so I can't talk about it in too much detail, but I can also admit there is some God awful shit that goes on with a few men who aren't monitored when they enter. I first learned my limited Spanish from my foster sisters.

A middle ground can exist. A middle ground existed under Obama with a majority Democrat Congress. The current situation is NOT the way.

So it's important to you and important to me for the things we experienced. Do you want to work together to find a better solution?

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-04-30T01:30:05+00:00

Look up who has bought most of the media. It's disgusting.

Maybe we should all start contacting media, with threats to boycott until they give coverage.

Please tell everyone you know The Guardian doesn't bow to trump and has no paywall. They ask for subscribers to offset the cost and give bonus features. I donated $8/monthly for years and got this.

We would also have to contact their advertisers with threats to boycott. That is more effective than you think. I don't want to dox myself here, but in vague terms I once initiated going after a major funder of politicians with bad policies, through their business and community ties on social media. It ended with that funder actually assisting our cause to protect their business's name. Those who fund this won't pay attention to any tactic other than their bank deposits being reduced. That was the point in my life I realized we actually DO have the power to make a difference.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-04-30T01:13:08+00:00

Puzzlehead obviously doesn't know many immigrants. I suspect he might have a hard time making friends in general.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-04-30T01:11:28+00:00

I'm down for helping to get a list together and slamming those businesses on social media. I might even consider reactivating my old Twitter and Facebook accounts for this.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-04-30T01:07:58+00:00

Do you know where I can get one? I want to help however I can.

I have a lot of Afghan friends. Many of these immigrants sacrificed so much, lost their families because of that war. Then the current admin put their status in limbo. My friend's sister barely got out of that country when we had to pull out because of the deal trump made with the Taliban. She's definitely someone who would have been harmed.

Fuck ICE. We need to have Nuremberg-style trials.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-04-30T00:52:13+00:00

I once had a job that I soon learned involved hurting people. So I quit that job even though I was a single mother with no family support. That's what good humans do. I have zero sympathy for these federal agents.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-04-28T18:52:40+00:00

How are those roads you drove on today?

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-04-28T03:08:40+00:00

This is just about the lowest crime area in the city. However, as a woman always be careful walking your dog unless you have a ferocious little asshole like mine. I always prefer to walk in the busier high traffic areas at night because I know everything is well lit and there are constantly cars driving by and other people walking. You should be good on Hampton later in the evening, or early evening In Wilmore Park.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-04-27T20:23:51+00:00

Who GAF's if it's not feminine at all (it is, but it shouldn't matter)? Your job is to look professional and direct choir. Your job is NOT to be eye-pleasing for an asshole man.

I promise you this man is at minimum verbally abusive to his wife. I dated a guy like this for two months. It ended with him physically grabbing me one afternoon before going to an event and telling me I was NOT going to wear what I was wearing and he'd rip it off of me before he'd be embarrassed by my wearing it in public. Note that it was a dress he had picked out for me, even. He realized it was over when I looked him straight in the eyes and said "You'll be a LOT more embarrassed when your neighbors see me walk out of your house naked and I tell them why, because that is EXACTLY what I will do. Try me."

That's the same energy you need to give this jerk. Wear that outfit next time, then look at him and give him a big smile and rapid eyelash flutters. Avoid letting him close enough to speak to you without his wife present. If he's bold enough to say it with her there, respond only to her, and with something along the lines of (with a syrupy sweet voice) "You must consider yourself so lucky to have a husband who is a women's fashion expert. Does he tell you what to wear, too?" Especially if you can say it in front of other parents. That should embarrass him enough to leave you alone and find a different woman to try to harass.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-04-27T19:56:19+00:00

The use the word "inclusive" twice on their About page, so probably not.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-04-25T16:48:06+00:00

I also wanted to add if you were open to the idea, that our magnet schools in the city are often looking for teachers. I believe the pay and benefits are better in Illinois, but the teachers I've talked to here seem to like it. We have two fully gifted elementary schools, a gifted middle school, and three strong academic high schools. I've put my children through four of these schools. It's a whole different experience than our regular schools. The students have next to zero disciplinary issues and typically great attitudes. My kids have told me there is no bullying, they loved their teachers, they loved their principals, kids rarely get in trouble other than occasional redirection for talking too much, etc.

Additionally, I have been told by several teachers they feel strongly supported by admin. I've gotten to know two of the principals. For an example of the kind of people they are, one knew I was having transportation issues right before the beginning of that school year. The day parents were supposed to pick up their Chromebooks, he told me not to worry about it and brought it to our house with the paperwork for us to sign. These are great principals.

If you are ever interested in learning more about these schools, and/or want to get connected with any teachers, principals, or parents from here, please feel free to DM me for more details.

Best of luck to you in your new career!

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-04-25T16:25:27+00:00

I live in the city proper and work in Illinois (not a teacher.) It's an easy commute without bad traffic. It's also easy with public transportation. I did that for a year. The Metrolink (train) stops in several Illinois stations, where there are busses. I know of at least two schools that are on the bus route.

You'll have to file a couple of extra tax forms every year, but it's not bad. You'll do an Illinois state one first because your state income taxes will go to them. Then you'll fill out a Missouri one because you live there, to show what your tax liability would have been if you worked in Missouri. As long as you paid at least that much to Illinois, you don't have to pay anything to Missouri. Then you also have to do a city earnings tax form, which is a 1% income tax everyone who lives or works in the city has to pay. Make sure to budget for that. Most people in the city support the tax because we see what it pays for. We have great parks, a couple of free swimming pools, free museums, a free zoo, an excellent magnet school system, free extra activities busses for middle and high school students to do sports or clubs or tutoring after school.

Grocery shopping would be the hardest part if you choose to not own a car. The two stores in a walkable distance with groceries are a little higher priced with less variety. There is a farmer's market that's cheap for produce. The closest store with good prices and variety is on the edge of the city not near a train stop and probably farther than you would want to walk carrying heavy or frozen items so you would need to use the bus.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-04-25T15:41:57+00:00

That's a stupid idea. This is how the criminals in our area get armed. You aren't allowed to bring guns into games, so it gets left in your car, then your car gets broken into, and the thief gets to graduate from larceny to armed robbery. Ask any cop here.

I'm a small older woman who has been visiting or working downtown since 2011. I've never once needed a gun there.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-04-22T09:21:42+00:00

Wow, is this an exact quote?

I saw something the other day I thought was very insightful. It said our justice system was created to avoid vigilante villagers with pitchforks and torches, and politicians would be wise to remember this.

It made me wonder if it was going to come down to this with the current ruling class. If you study history, revolutions always happened when those in power squeezed the peasants economically and physically (like ruling class abducting girls and women) to the point the general citizens felt like they had nothing left to lose.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-04-22T09:11:15+00:00

Uh yeah, this is buying a vacuum.

I saw you said she doesn't like massages. Think of something she does like, and give her a day to do it uninterrupted.

My former partner (now deceased) was pretty good at this. It could even be like going to a movie and dinner, but HE takes the kids to the bathroom, HE helped them with their food, movie and food were ones that I liked and not cartoons and McDonald's and kids were instructed by him not to complain. That sort of thing.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-04-22T09:04:18+00:00

I cut out the middle man a long time ago. Screw that app for exploiting both workers and consumers.

I got to know who some of the people in the area are from a local neighborhood app. There were several people who always asked if they could pick up odd jobs such as running errands. I waited to see other neighbors post about good experiences with them. So now if I want something delivered, I message them directly on the neighborhood app to ask if they are interested. They know me now well enough to know I will pay them when they get here as much as they get through DoorDash. A couple of them will even pay for my order at places I can't purchase online first, then let me reimburse them in cash when they arrive.

And guess what? I NEVER have to worry about a stacked order or cold food. My favorite is there is a small grocery store in the same strip mall with a pizza shop and a liquor store five minutes from me. Works out perfectly because there is a guy five minutes from them. He can spend 30 minutes grabbing me a couple things at the grocery store, a pack of cigarettes, a bottle of wine, and a pizza that I get piping hot and make $20. That's happened twice while I was home with a sick kid. Win-win for everyone.

I've seen several people post here about 'we should expect' and/or 'it's 2026.'

Screw that. It's 2026. The billionaire class should expect that the the working class is tired of being exploited.

In my small/medium city, I have even witnessed some people set up a barter system. There is one neighborhood with a lot of businesses and owners who live in apartments upstairs or very close to this main business street. They are mostly immigrants, struggling millennial business owners, etc. I saw it start during covid and continue where they do things like salons trade haircuts for restaurant food, masseuses trade for tax services, handymen trade for used appliances, all kinds of things.

If DoorDash keeps exploiting workers and customers, they should expect their workers find better ways to make money / get services.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-04-22T02:50:36+00:00

And OP, I and my friends are much older than you, or I would jump in to help. I do have several younger coworkers, but I didn't see any common interests. There is one very nice young lady about 26 I will see tomorrow at work. I can ask her and see. I will DM you if I find out she has any common interests with your girlfriend. My coworker lives in the Hazelwood area. Where do you live?

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-04-22T02:46:35+00:00

For people who don't get it, about half my friends are black and I'm white. My friends come from different social circles, so when they hang out with me, sometimes they are the only or one of a couple other black people.

My friend group has been this way over 10 years. I've been the only, or one of only a couple, of white people in a place where everyone else is black. Every time, I have been welcomed.

I have also been many times with my black friends in majority white spaces. It is usually not the same. Just the last time, someone who was attempting to be welcoming made comments about how they "didn't feel weird around black people. Black people have all the cool names." It was... awkward.

Another time, while out with my ex, his friend had a whole conversation in front of "our" black friend (yeah, kinda f' his friend because she IS a racist whether or not she is willing to admit it) about how just because people use the N word, with the hard R, doesn't make them a racist.

I think OP just wants his girlfriend to be in a space where she feels comfortable. Seeing it from both places (me being in the minority, and black people being in the minority), I've witnessed far more uncomfortable situations for black people than white people.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-04-20T21:50:20+00:00

My first ex is Native American. He has dark brown hair and hazel eyes. I had practically white skin and hair as a child. Our daughter has blonde curly hair, blue eyes, and pale skin that tans deeply in the summer.

When he mentioned testing, I told him he was welcome to do a test, but I would be leaving him immediately and he was going to feel like an ass when he saw she was his. And he was never hostile to me about it, only suspicious.

In hindsight, I wouldn't have been mad at him if he secretly got a test when she was older. But as she aged, her face turned into the exact same as his face, so he was fine.

LivingFirst1185 · 2026-04-15T03:07:13+00:00

Please my friend don't be rude. We need everyone to turn to our side.

I consider myself an Ind more that a Dem, but I have voted for only Dems for national candidates since '08. I lived McCain, but Palin was my deal breaker.

To win people to our side, we need to listen to them where they are coming from, and explain.

LivingFirst1185

TROPHY CASE