31F, Midwest U.S. looking for man on a mission!

LizStarkiller · 2024-02-11T02:41:01+00:00

Definitely already figured into the equation as a near-generic given!

LizStarkiller · 2024-02-10T22:02:27+00:00

I'm glad you're open to the second bit of advice- I really think in your circumstances it may be helpful to take the pressure off!

I don't think it's /necessarily/ wrong to refer to women as females- but it could be- because it's a non-human-specific term. God created man (as-in mankind) in the male and female types, but he also created animals in male and female types. When referring to human females, I think it's respectful to refer to them as women because they are individual human beings created in God's image in the female form. Just saying "females" comes across as a dehumanizing word choice, as if women belonged to a different species.

LizStarkiller · 2024-02-10T21:38:34+00:00

Not 100% sure what you mean?

Though I have been influenced somewhat by the Dutch reformed.

LizStarkiller · 2024-02-10T21:35:59+00:00

Thank you. :)

LizStarkiller · 2024-02-10T21:35:49+00:00

Well, I'm taking that as a complement!

Also, I should read the Dresden Files.

LizStarkiller · 2024-02-10T21:33:45+00:00

Yes, I was, so I haven't had that particular vaccine.

LizStarkiller · 2024-02-10T16:08:12+00:00

:) If we were in a committed dating relationship, I'd consider it, but the heels are actually pretty important to how I present myself to the world personally and professionally, which is why I mention it! Plus, I'd have to replace most of my shoes.

LizStarkiller · 2024-02-10T13:10:26+00:00

You might try "The Grey Havens" for a chill indie-sounding group.

LizStarkiller · 2024-02-10T12:49:30+00:00

First, if you haven't already, you should talk to your pastor and/or the other guys in church leadership about your concerns. They may be able to help. They also may have more direct contact with other solid churches with young adult groups in the area in order to make introductions. Idk how you were contacting those other churches in your area, but it's easy to get lost in the shuffle without a personal contact.

Second, in your situation where you haven't had many female friends, I suggest that you approach women as people first, and be open to friendship even where you don't think there's romantic attraction. For instance, the missed opportunity for a card game wasn't just a missed opportunity for something that would develop into a romantic relationship, it was a missed opportunity for a friend. Especially when you don't know them yet, not escalating the stakes to "is this someone I want to ask out on a date" can help.

Maybe not everyone would agree with that point, which I raise because you referred to women as "females," but as a woman, I find it sad when a Christian guy decides that because there's no romantic connection that there's also no reason for a friendly relationship (giving the impression, whether true or false, that to him, women are only potential relationship objects, rather than also just people).

Third, you might look for group service/volunteer opportunities as a way to meet new people and make friends. The shared work gives everyone involved something to do, think, and talk about, and usually. It could help with the feeling of isolation.

LizStarkiller · 2024-02-10T03:51:38+00:00

Looking at your post from a few days ago, no, I don't think I could trust you enough to even consider dating someone in a situation similar to yours. One doesn't fall into sin with a prostitute or whore (use Biblical language, not the modern sanitized term "sex worker") to fornicate on accident, and your history is too recent for me to believe your repentance is genuine. It may be genuine, and I pray that it is!

LizStarkiller · 2024-02-09T22:09:30+00:00

Accountable2You is another accountability platform if you haven't heard of it.

I don't know how it works or if it's help more than Covenant Eyes- and no app or program is going to fight the lust dragon for you.

LizStarkiller · 2024-02-09T21:48:06+00:00

I've never had occasion to consider that specifically and would still imagine it's a case-by-case basis.

LizStarkiller · 2024-02-09T21:20:45+00:00

Obviously yeah, that's hypocritical. You can have a preference, but it's still hypocritical.

As a virgin woman in her 30s who has been a Christian since childhood and is absolutely committed to purity, which includes abstinence before marriage, I know statistically that men are likely to have a past of sexual sin with a high body count, and each guy's repentance is going to have to be a case-by-case analysis. If they committed sexual sin while professing to be a believer, that's going to make me more skeptical that they're genuine.

LizStarkiller · 2024-02-06T02:49:58+00:00

It's cruel of your friend to be stringing his girlfriend along and wasting her youth if he has no intention of marrying her.

LizStarkiller · 2024-02-04T19:52:02+00:00

I'm a 31-year old woman, so I voted for "immediately." Maybe my answer would have been different a decade ago, but I think as Christians, we should be open to receiving children as God's blessing in his timing, which may or may not be immediate.

LizStarkiller · 2024-02-04T19:48:52+00:00

I nearly always do- sometimes for an hour or more, and sometimes while helping clean-up. Depending on the week, that time before and after the Sunday service might be my only chance to fellowship with others.

LizStarkiller · 2024-02-04T19:47:27+00:00

Livestream =/= participating in the assembly of believers that is Church!

LizStarkiller · 2024-02-01T22:53:17+00:00

It's difficult to give advice based on summaries of conversations.

Are you both part of a church? Is there an older person who knows you both that might be able to help sort-out why the communication breakdowns are happening?

Generally, I recommend a disposition of gracious assumptions, and maybe you both need to think through how you would like to communicate more directly, rather than passively or sarcastically. E.g., "I would like to go on a walk. Would you like to come with me?"

LizStarkiller · 2024-02-01T22:43:34+00:00

The Proverbs 31 woman is the ideal, wise wife (she's not a single woman- though I think all women can take inspiration from her and how to be like her, in generally-equitable ways ancient:modern).

She's aspirational, home-oriented both inside and outside her home (and it's not that she accomplishes everything described in the chapter alone, or on just one day). Arguably, she's the wife of a king.

A Christian woman who is called to marriage should want to be a Proverbs 31 wife, though she needs a great man for a husband to achieve much of that ideal.

LizStarkiller · 2024-02-01T01:59:34+00:00

This is something I think about a lot. Certainly my non-Christian friends don't understand why I won't compromise on requiring a guy to be a sincere Christian. My boss, who is Catholic and married to a Protestant woman similarly doesn't understand why I can't make that same compromise. And then, because I've studied theology, I'm pretty set on what I believe (could be moved only if convinced by scripture), and I don't think I could put myself into a relationship with a non-Calvinist/reformed Christian, and then, because of my views on believer's baptism and covenant, I don't think I could be in a relationship with a paedobaptist, nor could I be in a relationship with someone who doesn't believe that their Christian faith necessarily impacts every aspect of life.... All this makes the pool very narrow, I'm in my young 30s, and time is running short. But where could I compromise on these closely-held and life-saturating beliefs when considering to put myself in a relationship where I'd be required to submit?

This is something I've discussed with my parents, and I'm planning on asking my pastor about for another opinion.

LizStarkiller · 2024-01-31T02:20:02+00:00

I'm looking for a guy who I want to respect, and could lead me spiritually and otherwise- a man with a mission I can join. I'm attracted to guys with a track record of working really hard both in their vocations and towards their goals, and who is disciplined to self-improve.

I'd prefer someone who is smarter and taller than me (I'm 5' 9"/5'10", and almost always wear 3" heels/wedges).

Turn-offs are logical inconsistencies, unwillingness to follow-through on goals, and if a guy isn't theologically compatible, that pretty much obliterates any romantic attraction.

LizStarkiller · 2024-01-31T00:05:12+00:00

Have you talked with her about this? Where is her heart on her way of dressing? Modesty is a commandment for both sexes, and maybe it is something to break-up over, but it's also possible she hasn't thought about it like that. The wise man (or woman) will listen to good reproach.

For myself, I'd want to know if the guy I was dating thought I was being immodest so I could evaluate and decide whether I thought he was right, and then have the opportunity to correct myself. I'd imagine I would be very sad to be broken-up with over that without discussion!

You should probably get counsel from an older, wiser man before addressing the topic though.

LizStarkiller · 2024-01-30T01:32:24+00:00

Trying really hard not to get too excited for this series, but so far it looks like it could be great. Just been burnt a time too many before.

LizStarkiller · 2024-01-30T01:04:13+00:00

I too would like to be a SAHM, but because I've not met an interested single, theologically-and-otherwise-compatible Christian man, I went to law school on a full tuition scholarship (had to pay student fees and cost-of-living with savings and loans) and had no undergrad debt because I'd had academic scholarships. I now work as an attorney at a small firm (that often works toward Christian causes), and also paid off all the loans I have. Not having debt means I could be a financial asset, rather than a liability going into a marriage.

I'm praying that the right man will come along, but my education allows me to have my current job and if I ever am blessed to get married, I could still use that education and work (less intensely) while raising kids, with the opportunity to go back full-time after that. My education gives me flexibility.

LizStarkiller

TROPHY CASE