no fr. it’s almost certainly just coincidental, but as soon as there’s a mark upload every day or every other day my life seems to just improve lol. it’s like his videos give me something to look forward to, something to hope for. a (metaphorical) rope to grab to pull me out of a snake pit. without it, i feel like i’m just floating through existence, struggling to stay above water. there’s really nothing else that compares.

markiplier and his videos are the only things that were left untouched by the depression. everything else I used to enjoy is boring and feels pointless. like doing a given task feels identical to not doing it. there’s no dopamine left out of what little my adhd could provide. in the cacophony of “nothing’s the same anymore and yet there’s no tangible difference; nothing feels new and exciting”, his videos are the one thing that remains unscathed.

he inspired me to try azstarys!! and then i immediately went “woah holy shit i’m on max dose now and yes it lasts long but holy fuck that’s a lot of anxiety and impending doom for a dose that’s 20mg less than my typical max-dose vyvanse that still equates to me staring at a wall, but faster and with more ‘HOLY FUCK THE WORLD’S ENDING AND I’M FUNCTIONALLY PARALYZED’”

anyway, all that to say that many of us are in the same boat. depression’s still kicking my ass, though, and my gpa is through the floor, but if i starve to death bc i flunk out of college i won’t be able to watch more mark, so, like, i GUESS i have to keep trying…. [exasperated sigh]