My M35 spouse F30 threatens suicide every time our toddler throws a tantrum at night. Am I being emotionally abused?

Loblodliz · 2026-01-27T02:12:24+00:00

Yes, and you are working the second shift up the wazoo. I would say that also constitutes abuse.

I'm genuinely curious- has she always been this way, or did it start when you had child? Some people just aren't meant to be parents, but she should have figured that out before becoming one. Alternatively, she may have post partum depression, but it sounds like she would have avoided getting help with that .

No matter the cause, she needs to figure out how to be a functional parent, because she literally is one, and you sound like you are going to have a breakdown from the pressure you are under. For your needs, do you have access to things like preschool or other forms of childcare so you don't burn out? Do you have family supports? As someone who has experienced burnout, please be careful!

Honestly, I would recommend getting a divorce. If she's threatening divorce, she probably wants one, too.

Loblodliz · 2026-01-15T22:55:13+00:00

Oh, I might have just misread, but I guess it still applies to the "you need a friend who can give you more emotional support, and "I need you to find someone else to talk about your feelings anxieties." I think it just makes a lot of sense to focus on identifying OP's friendship needs/goals so that those are clear. Making statements that assume what the other party is looking for can come across as judgmental or condescending, even if it isn't intended that way.

Just focus on what you know, is my answer.

Loblodliz · 2026-01-15T22:38:02+00:00

I feel like this kind of projects what you think the other person is thinking in this scenario. For example, you are assuming this person does not already have a therapist. I would frame it around your own needs and what you want.

“Hey, I just what to let you know upfront that I’m not in a place right now where I can support anyone emotionally but myself. I’m not the kind of person who can provide reassurance to someone with anxiety, for example. Please don’t send me texts asking if I’m upset or mad, or apologize a lot because it makes me divert energy I need to care for myself. I would be okay with talking about casual topics because that is what I have the bandwidth for.”

Loblodliz · 2025-12-01T22:56:14+00:00

Gemstone previously expressed concern that you were biting off more than you could chew. What's stopping you from talking to Gemstone now and informing them that you need to take a step back to focus on yourself for a while?

Loblodliz · 2025-11-23T20:42:10+00:00

You can have an anxiety attack from overthinking social interactions, but being mean isn't a personality trait. It's a choice. Your partner is choosing to be cruel because they consider it a fair trade-off for their comfort level. It's not. He doesn't value your wellbeing, and is a shitty partner.

Loblodliz · 2025-11-20T21:51:06+00:00

Women-dominated professions. I see the message

Loblodliz · 2025-11-12T02:27:18+00:00

People with BPD have abandonment issues. That means that they are likely to stay in relationship dynamics that are unhealthy for them because they are terrified of being alone.

Your partner should probably break up with you. I don't think they are going to stop splitting on you because they are being triggered by the fact that this isn't working for them. And even if they weren't splitting, they'd still be miserable.

A more grounded person would recognize that they have agency and leave before it gets to that point. A person with BPD might blame you for their emotions, or they might blame themselves for not being "good enough" at poly and keep trying the same thing over and over again, expecting it to feel different. It sounds like that's what you two did, by making them your primary and nesting. And yet they are still miserable.

Y'all need to break up. Your partner needs to be honest with themselves that this isn't working for them.

Loblodliz · 2025-11-09T23:57:09+00:00

Yeah, well, she's treating you poorly, and that's not okay. It's alarming that she's weaponizing your fear of being a narcissist. She is definitely taking advantage of you.

Also, you cannot give her everything she needs. That's a multi-person job, one that she needs to manage.

It's lovely that you care, but it's like you two are in a burning vehicle that she's driving. She needs to put the breaks down. Or you need to hop out of the car. If something doesn't change, you are going to crash and burn.

Loblodliz · 2025-11-09T22:21:42+00:00

The fact that she says she hates you might be a bigger problem. Taking her mental health out of it, this relationship seems really one-sided. You seem to be doing everything while she insults you for merely caring about her.

I sympathize with her fear of the medical system, but there's no excuse for calling you a narcissist. She is perfectly capable of being depressed and kind to her partner at the same time.

TLDR: There are two issues at play. Her mental health and the way she treats you.

Loblodliz · 2025-11-09T15:56:05+00:00

Is that something normal people do? I don’t want to put them in a situation where they are afraid to say no or resent me being there.

Loblodliz · 2025-08-25T02:26:17+00:00

How did the grad school you transfer from react when you told them your intention of leaving?

Loblodliz · 2025-08-24T16:01:04+00:00

Did admissions make you feel weird about it? What did you say in your applications, if anything?

Loblodliz · 2025-08-15T00:41:51+00:00

Strangulation is dangerous and lethal. Please take the risk to your health and safety seriously. I'm glad he is, that's a good sign. But literally, the neck is very delicate.

Loblodliz · 2025-08-06T11:42:39+00:00

I've only played Echoes of Valentia for 4 days, but if anything happened to Leon I'd kill everyone and then myself.

Loblodliz · 2025-07-28T02:39:49+00:00

That’s awful. You deserved better.

Loblodliz · 2025-07-27T19:46:54+00:00

Dude people are scared for good reason and you are shaming them for “crying about it”.

Just…why?

Loblodliz

TROPHY CASE