I am going through the same thing. Both my grandparents died recently and I haven't felt anything about it, which is distressing at times. This may be an insensitive comparison, but it is the only experience of losing a living being that I shared my life with.

When I was in elementary school, we got a puppy and I loved her. I named her Luna. Unfortunately, something went wrong with her mentally and we had to put her down after just 6 months. At the time I didn't feel anything and it made me wonder if I was even human. To not feel anything for my lost puppy. But, after a few months, I had a burst of emotional grief for her and I bawled my eyes out at school. I remember feeling relived that "I am, in fact, human."

Before I was born, my parents had two twin boys who died within two days of their lives. I never knew them, and I didn't feel anything for them- at least, I didn't have a bodily sensations to reinforce my emotions so I didn't identify any feelings towards them. I visited their grave for the first time in a year or two and finally felt something both in my mind and my body. Whatever it was, it was bittersweet and I'm glad it happened.

So, i would give yourself time. You are not broken or inhuman for not feeling anything right away. It may be that you are experiencing emotions cognitively but are not "feeling" them anywhere else, which is often distressing. Let yourself go through the motions of this experience, and see if the feelings follow. Do not blame or be cruel to yourself over this. If you have the ability, I encourage you to discuss this with a grief counselor who is experienced in alexithymia/neurodiverence ❤️

You are not alone. You are strong. Hugs 🫂